People Acting D-U-M-B

Chris escapes again, and Ed explains his slutty ways.

People Acting D-U-M-B

No one is going to confuse Bachelor Pad with a Bergman movie, but the show made time this week for some semi-serious discussion. Topics included “If you’re one of 25 men ‘dating’ a woman on TV, do you look like a total fool if you claim that you were in a relationship with her?” And also, “If the man you’re sweet on says he’s pining for a woman back home, and you know he’s already slept with someone else in just the last few days, is it possible he’s not really that into you?”

But before we could delve into these waters, teams needed to be made official, since from here on in, couples would vote together, and would choose to send other couples home. Both Nick and Rachel were left partnerless by the last vote, so they were thrown together by default. This came as a shock to those in the house who were unaware someone named “Nick” was even part of the game. “Nick hasn’t spoken this entire time,” noted Sarah, about whom we unfortunately can’t say the same thing.

This week’s challenge was simple enough: a spelling bee. There were two catches. One was that the couples had to alternate spelling by letter, which made it easy to lose one’s place unless very close attention was paid. The other, of course, was that these aren’t the sharpest tools in the belt. “Who spells anymore?” wondered Blakeley, the hoo-hoo waxer.

Even with three wrong guesses allowed before elimination, it quickly came down to a battle of witless between Ed/Jaclyn and house pariahs Chris/Sarah. After a long stretch where it looked like no one wanted to win, Ed and Jaclyn messed up cockamamie, while Chris and Sarah nailed serendipity. The bad guys won an overnight date, and precious immunity, meaning that the other four couples, all more or less allies, would have to turn on each other.

Jaclyn,  Blakeley, and Rachel – all competitors from Ben’s Bachelor season – quickly decided that fellow Ben reject Lindzi and her partner Kalon would sadly be the ones who would have to be sacrificed. Not surprising, since we’ve barely seen Lindzi interact with any other women this season.

Chris and Sarah took a private plane to the Santa Margarita ranch, up in the beautiful hills of wine country.  Her goal on this sojourn was to gauge exactly how much he was hurt by Emily and whether he might be ready for a new relationship, since she’s clearly more into him than vice versa. You’d think that being away from The Bachelorette would have given Chris a little perspective, but no, he still talks about Emily as if she dumped him at the end of a 50-year marriage, rather than after a few superficial outings on a television show. But it appeared he didn’t mislead Sarah about his feelings for her (which don’t look like they’re going to last beyond the mansion), so we’ll give him that.

Because it’s a two-hour show and watching dumbbells spell can get old, Ed and Jaclyn also got a date this week, as the runners-up in the challenge. They flew to an offshore island for a secluded picnic and less secluded dinner. Jaclyn wanted to get Ed to expand on his comments last week, when he suggested he was merely a game partner with her and nothing more – something that came as a surprise to Jaclyn, given that they dirtied some sheets earlier in the season.

Jaclyn spoke openly of her past relationship traumas, and boy did we get some insight into why: she’s a punching bag. First, Ed admitted to her that he had been dating someone back home, but that they had agreed to split up when he decided to come on Bachelor Pad – since why would anyone do that if you couldn’t hook up? Ed said Sarah had known all this when she had done the dirty with him, so he figured Jaclyn knew too.  Uh … no. She asked for more clarification, saying “what we have done [i.e. slept together] and what you have said are two different things … I don’t want to look like a whore.” Wow. Ed basically ended the discussion by saying that he likes sleeping with Jaclyn, and can’t that be enough for now? Apparently it is! “I am hurt, you know. But I can’t live without him, and I just can’t help myself,” she admitted as they strolled up to the hotel room. Literally, in the space of less than a minute, she went from this

Bachelor Pad 2012 Episode 6 Jaclyn

to this.

Bachelor Pad 2012 Episode 6 Liplock

And … I give up.

Ed and Jaclyn had the task of keeping another team safe by giving them a rose, and after strong lobbying by the other three couples, they ended up choosing Blakeley and Tony. By this time, Kalon and Lindzi had de-liplocked long enough to notice that they were the couple in the most danger, so with only two other pairs as alternatives to vote for, Kalon swung attention towards Nick and Rachel. It made sense, since Rachel’s head seemed to be barely in the game, given the torch she still carried for Michael Stagliano – going so far as to phone him during prime campaigning time.

The bigger problem was with Nick, who made up for his previous invisibility by getting belligerent with Tony and Blakeley for no good reason. Since Nick was never in any alliance until Michael’s departure left Rachel without a partner, trust in him was in short supply.

In the end, though, form held, and Kalon and Lindzi were voted out. He “dramatically” left his own Limo of Defeat to ride away with Lindzi instead, proclaiming the two of them as the “real winners” of the game – you know, because they found each other and all that. I don’t want to say I’m skeptical, but I’m guessing he’s taking his chopper rides solo again these days.

Next week: the Pad goes all Spinal Tap for some reason.

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