BB13 Power Rankings: Week Seven

BB13 Power Rankings: Week Seven

We’re six weeks into this season and being six hours ahead of east coast time here in Belgium I can say I am officially exhausted on this particular Friday.  But really, who cares right?!  I’m awarding 6 points to all the HGs! Hooray!

We’re down to 8 HGs (again) and Brendon the Coldsore is gone (again) and we got to see the start of a competition involving balls (again) last night.  Next season I’d like to see competitions around an ovary theme.  But that’s me.  I mean, out of the 8 remaining HGs ovaries abound.  There are only two men left in the house, 5 women and one Shelly. That’s a lot of ovaries. Period.

Get it? Period? Ew.  I’d hate to be throwing out the trash in the bathroom in that house.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So we see in the bracket above that Jeff and Jordan are the only “Dynamic Duo” still an actual duo.  We should not be surprised as they are actually starring in Baby Jesus – Part Deux.  What you thought this was Big Brother? No sillies…there’s an immaculate conception coming up as the last twist.  Trust me, I have the inside scoop.  And I don’t know why I’ve been on this roll with the religious stuff so don’t give me shit. I’m figuring it out. It’s the voices…

RACHEL – You’re dirty.  I mean…your hair is dirty. Why is your hair always dirty?  And seriously, WTF are you wearing half the time? You realize that Nathan Lane already has dibs on The Birdcage 2 right?! Btw that’s a boa, not a bush he’s crying in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-       Growth: I know that I will never like you.  Although CBS neglected to show it…we all saw and heard you on the feeds telling Brendon that Jeff sexually harassed you after Brendon left (-10 points).  What is wrong with you?  What isn’t wrong with you?! As much as I dislike the Chenbot, calling her “Girl…” on the live show is just why you never got your HOH interviews with her. You, did, however make me laugh with your goodbye message to Brendon (+10 points): “I can do this without you and don’t hate because I make it further in the game than you did last year”. You’re both losers in any book though. Looking up at the cameras to make sure they’ll catch your 2am blowjobs is beyond failing in life (-5 points).  Overall Growth: -5 points

-       Game: Your “Oh my god” that you didn’t win HOH was moot since you were FIRST one out (-5 points). And listen up, your game talk is not your strength (-5 points) but watching Brendon on the feeds this week yelling at you that “you need to shut the fuck up” was hard to watch. I know you tried your best to combat his verbal diarrhea, but you still gave him head on cue (-5 points). And sorry you didn’t get to play in POV. Not. Your “dream” honeymoon is no more since Kalia won the “Caribbean Vacation”. It’s okay. Lots of people actually save enough money to have weddings and honeymoons. You can too.  Overall Game: -15 points

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

JEFF – You’re such a bad boy saying Jordan is “cute as a stupid little button”.  Buttons can’t be stupid! Gingers have souls!  Sorry, that one slipped out.

-       Growth: I think it’s adorable that you used to call Jordan and sing her boyband songs (+5 points). And I hope you don’t give her shit for revealing that in the diary room.  I think she’s scared judging from the face below. And your “scolding” of Rachel was awesome (+5 points). The one that was televised was good but weaker compared to the one by the pool we saw on the feeds. Seeing you ignore Brendon’s whiny “Jeff…come on Jeff…Jeff…” (+5 points) in his lame attempt to protect her from your verbal lashing was great…although I imagine that’s what he’d sound like when you’ve got him from behind.  Overall Growth: +15 points

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-       Game: The fact that you say things like you “could have won this” or that but didn’t is getting old (-10 points).  You could have gotten a job and married Jordan by now too. Really. But it was a joy to see you keep Shelly on the hot seat all week and then throw her an “I’m not voting you out loser” as the clincher (+5 points). And you scored another $5K bringing your competition winnings to $15K (+5 points). And although we only got to see the start of the HOH competition last night, we know you won (+10 points).  Congrats. Now that you’re HOH CBS will do everything in their power to make your stay more comfortable than it already has been (-5 points). Overall Game: +5 points

 

 

 

 

 

 

JORDAN It’s good to see you eating.

-       Growth: I don’t know what I would have done had someone like you ever come into a job interview.  But then again, no good headhunter would send you to Wall Street. But the “I’m more so like my own mentor kind of” as a response was actually believable (+5 points).  And my goodness how cute you looked in your “Humilitard” (+5 points).  And how “golden” your heart is, you little “angel on earth”, that you would give up the phone call from home so that Shelly could talk to her family (-5 points).  Good lord. I have a cavity now (-5 points). Overall Growth: 0 points

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-       Game: I know you know I know that you gave that phone call to Shelly out of the goodness of your heart.  But you also made a good game move (+5 points).  Even if it did intensify Shelly’s obsession with you in life, it was a good move in the house. You continue to fail at challenges not involving space cows and David Hasselhoff (-5 points) but shit, you’ll probably win this season at the rate you’re coasting. Overall Game: 0 points

DANI – You suck at lying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

-       Growth: You continue to give good diary room and one-line it on the fly (+5 points). I especially liked your “Oh my god if Shelly wins POV she’s gonna beat Rachel in the face with it” because it had such imagery in it (+5 points).  You’re a poet. But you are certainly not a good drunk. Save that nonsense for post-season celebrations. You spill way too much info when you’re tipsy (-5 points).  We only got a glimpse of it on the show last night, but the feeds show all…  And nice move making a bigger mess for the crew to have to clean up.  Tipping over that bucket during POV while everyone else thrust their hand in theirs was so inconsiderate. I loved it. Overall Growth: +5 points

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-       Game: Your diary room woes of have to go back to “square one” were poignant but you deserve it. I give you credit for your nomination speech though as it was pretty clear you wanted to take Brendon out for good (+5 points). And keeping the Veto Ticket instead of snatching up Kalia’s vacation was a good move (+5 points).  Well done.  And for the record I think you could have won POV with all those “butter” cornhole shots (+5 points). Overall Game: +15 points

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

KALIA – I like your hair in pigtails. It’s…right.

 

 

 

 

 

 

-       Growth: Woman, get a hold of yourself! Watching you take down a tub of ice cream in 14 seconds on the live feeds was so disturbing (-5 points)!  And stop the crying and gloating in the same outfit/day (-5 points)! What are you bipolar?! Is that why you eat for two?!  I’m giving you another deduction in anticipation of all the tears to come given Jeff is HOH this week (-5 points).  Sigh. Overall Growth: -15 points

 

 

 

 

-       Game: You told us you feel bad that you didn’t go with your initial “gut” instinct. Really?  Why do you make it so easy? You and your gut seem to be THE Dynamic Duo of the summer actually (-5 points). You do rock at hosting competitions I’ll give you that (+5 points). Congrats on winning that Caribbean vacation (+5 points) which will most likely be at an all-inclusive resort where you can again eat 23 hours a day, hell 24. Oh, and thanks for that look you gave when Shelly booted your ass from the HOH room to have a private talk with Dani.  That was fun to watch.  Overall Game: +5 points

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SHELLY – You is going crazy.  Crazy. Jordan did not “give up her family” for you.  It’s just a freaking phone call. Relax.  Have another cigarette as soon as you wake up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-       Growth: “The moral high road is impossible in this game,” you said. Woahness. Is that what you call the road you’ve been on? You’ve reached a point where you’re now mind-fucking yourself (-5 points) hence your breakdowns. Your “I can’t even look at Rachel right now, I’d kill her” right before nominations was scary and it’s terrible that little Josie had to see that (-5 points). And might I remind you that you told Brenchel to their face that they reminded you of you and your Tony in week one? And you’re concerned with what comes out of Rachel’s mouth (-5 points)?! I think what’s dirtier is what goes INTO her mouth. However I enjoyed your exorcist moment calling out Rachel telling her to quit the  “squinting and guinting” at you (+5 points).  But wtf is “guinting”. Like is that a Philippino joke?! Googlemap it. Overall Growth: -10 points

-       Game: You were the first one out of POV to nobody’s surprise (-5 points) yet you used your evil to get Jordan to give up her phone call home to you (+5 points). You continue to use your corporate guerilla warfare (+5 points) yet when it doesn’t work and you get called out by Dani you cry claiming you don’t feel you’re “cool” enough to talk to her (-5 points). Trojan. Horsing. Epic (+5 points).   Overall Game: 0 points

 

ADAM If it turns out you are really in a secret alliance with Porsche I will award you 100 points on the my last blog

-       Growth: You’re getting creepier (-5 points). Overall Growth: -5 points

-       Game: Stop whining about “the Dynamic Duo twist” screwing up your game (-5 points).  You call yourself a superfan yet you didn’t expect twists?! Try seeing your yucky ex walk through the door you creeper.  And you said on the live feeds that you would do All-Stars only if it’s next year. I realize they put in a few fallen stars into Season 7, but dude, you’re not even close to a star…more an ass-teroid (-5 points).  Please just return to Hoboken after this season and remain there until Tori Spelling comes to visit you.  You’ve been on the block half the time you’ve been IN that house (-5 points). But good move getting Jeff and Dani to “throw” POV so you could win and save yourself (+10 points).  There are those who say it wasn’t a real win, but I think you could have actually beat Jeff. Overall Game: -5 points

 

 

 

 

 

 

PORSCHE – You rocked yet another POV competition outfit as a host but you still suck at reading and speaking at the same time. Oh and I missed +5 points in your score last week so I have accounted for that in the standings thus far.  Good thing someone’s looking out for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

-       Growth: Nice celebratory moves after Dani won HOH (+5 points).  You can certainly strike a pose or two. NOT NICE fucking with shit in the kitchen.  They didn’t televise it but we know you put shit in the Muscle Milk only to get scolded by CBS (-5 points).  You say you want your own cooking show one day yet you tamper with food? Stick to carrying a tray of drinks.   Overall Growth:  0 points

 

 

 

 

 

 

-       Game: Though you have yet to win an HOH you got down to the final two in the HOH that Dani won (+5 points). Props. And good job handling Shelly’s testosterone rage (+5 points). It seems dealing with drunk dudes at the bars of Miami has taught you something. Overall Game: +10 points

 

Let’s get on to revealing the leader board, BUT FIRST, a notable mention:

MVP of the Liveshow: Josie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You are all kinds of wonderful and cuteness. Your “She kinda’ needs to stop lying and pick a side” about your dad Sheldon was too cute! And your “Shut up Rachel” was perfectly timed you should probably have Chenbot’s job next season.  Be careful though, you’ll probably get an email from her at some point for stealing the show last night.

AND NOW…Final Tally For The Week: Porsche has pushed Shelly down a notch and is now at 3rd place!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  • http://twitter.com/ChelsiaHart Chelsia Hart

    Jun, me love you long time!

  • http://twitter.com/ChelsiaHart Chelsia Hart

    Jun, me love you long time!

  • http://twitter.com/Shansafan Shannon Stockard

    Omg, June!!! I’m gonna puke from laughing so freakin hard!! Excellent, woman, just excellent!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gay-Kleven/100000015202076 Gay Kleven

    You have “Carrie Bradshaw” in your soul. Love your blog especially the MVP. Totally agree.

  • Mickey

    shelly likes to call rachel a lier but wow she does the same thing go jeff and jordon

  • Anonymous

    easily the best big brother blog/article whatever you want to call it… “about your dad sheldon” — lol so effed up and awesome at the same time. now off to google why jun hates the chen bot so. also you should start awarding points to the bot — hair hasn’t moved since season 3 (+5 points) aquanet from the chen house single handedly causes global warming (-10 points) introduces boring segment about someones family who… wait for it… wants them to win (-5 points) says “but first” without fumbling all over it (+5).

  • Haleigh

    Can u please do this for every show u watch? Lol

  • http://twitter.com/my_name_private November2023

    Shelly told Jeff & Jordan that they reminded her of herself and Tony, not Brendon & Rachel.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahkp533 Sarah Kearns Person

      Maybe she told both of them the same thing. That is her game, you know.

    • dan

      Who gives a crap about what Shelly says. She has no morals and is nothing but a liar. I feel sorry for her child growing up with everyone knowing what a low class, lying, piece of shit she has for a mother. Shelly, you are ugly, stupid, and have no moral compass. I hope you lose your job and your family over this you stupid Bitch.

      • Tommy

        Shelly is the worse liar ever on BB. She’s not good enough to lick Jeff’s boots. She is even worse than Rachel. Shelly you are a disgrace for a mother.

      • Anonymous

        Kalia and Porsche…everyone knows that they are two faced liars and mean spirited (among being thieves). But Shelly…she is by far the worst in the BB house. She is actually evil. Leading Jordan on, pretending to be a friend…taking Jordan’s home call to home (and Jordan wore the humilitard which Shelly would have worn)…getting Jordan to trust her…then running to the other side telling them everything.

        Shelly is the devil in disguise. Poor Josie. Even Josie said that night on tv that her mom needed to stick with Jeff and Jordon….too bad shelly is not as smart as her daughter.

        Honesty and Integrity go further than lies, dishonor and disgrace.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sarahkp533 Sarah Kearns Person

    This is my first time reading your blog. I loved it!

  • GoatDriver57

    Shelly, Its not too late to turn IT around. You have a very smart adorable daughter and you will not see her finish HS if you don’t STOP the smoking. You can turn it around. You look much older than you are and you were a a very pretty woman just nine years ago.
    My wife of 23 years passed ’010 Christmas week due to smoking. Every day I knew her I Begged her to stop the cigs. We were taken by a surprise last Oct one morning my wife could not move out of the bed. No feelings from the chest to the her toe tips. Emergency exams revealed she had lung cancer so bad (We didn’t know) and the cancer had eaten thru the spinal cord.

  • http://www.facebook.com/JRJonesy1969 Jeanette Jones

    Wow Bratchal is such biatchh!! with only snide comments and her pathetic behaviour she needs to put on her BIG Girl panties, grasp the game like friggin mature Woman not jelous vendictive. Cause Bratchel, believe it or not life has to go on with Brendon or WITH NOT Brendon

  • http://www.facebook.com/JRJonesy1969 Jeanette Jones

    Hey Dani you are a very strong indepent woman not like Bratchal you go girl strike back with fierce vengence. Cause people think your out but it aint over til it’s over

    • Mlhughes1

      oh yea its over for dani……

  • http://twitter.com/JunDishes Jun Song

    Hahaha. You guys crack me up.

    Me love you all long time! :)

  • Shyann63

    OMG Kalia is thee most annoying person on BB this year!!!! If she is not rambling on about nothing she is making noises or singing sentences, she NEEDS TO GO!!!!! I can’t take any more!

  • http://twitter.com/1CrazyCoolCat Mychael Zappalorti

    Jun you just get better and better … loved it ,have Fun Girl !!!

  • Ruthie

    I couldn’t handle listening to another word on the live feeds. Why am I wasting my time with this stupid tv show? Then I came here and remembered. Damn, it is good to make fun of these crazy people. I laughed and laughed and laughed. There are so many funny things written, cartooned, parodied about BB that I remember why I waste my time on it! Good luck for a healthy conception, Jun.

  • Mlhughes1

    Dani needs to go…… then kalia,porcha,shelly,adam…..

  • Tommiefinney

    you need to get rid of that big fat mouth kalia and that old woman shelly back stabbing bitch, and that stupid lazy fat ass porshe her ass has spreaded big time since she has been in there and that stupid shelly and blackie needs to be made to give back rachel’s stuffed animals those three lieing back stabbing bitches need to be put off of the show never let back in now do something about them

  • sophie

    yea shelly you need to get your ugly ass off of that bib brother show you are sicken your own daughter said on live tv her mom needs to stop lieing and choose a side you stupid bitch

  • Bmalf1942

    hello

  • jan

    Winner of the HOH Comp is:
    PORSCHE!!
    YUK, I dont want to watch any more game over… done

  • Trainlover1983

    Shelly you are a bitch Jordan didnt do anything to you.I do feel sorry for your daughter to have a mother like you.You think you know everything you dont know shit.

  • Anonymous

    Maybe someone needs to give Shelly a Dictonary so she can look up the definitions of the follwing words: Moral, Integrity, Honesty & Loyalty. She claims to be a person who prides herself on these words but her actions show differently. Perhaps she does not know their meaning!

  • SOPHIE

    you need to get rid of thaT STUPID SHELLY THE LIER AND THE FAT ASS KALIA SHE THINKS SHE IS HOT SHIT CAUSE HOH JUST FELL IN HER BLACK LAP AND THAT PORSCHE THE BITCH DIDNT HADNT DONE NOTHING TILL THE LAST THEY ARE SO SICKEN HOW CAN THIS SHIT HAPPEN LISTEN TO THAT BLACK BITCH TALK NEVER TAKES A BREATH TONGUE TWISTING BITCH GET RID OF THEM BIG BROTHER IS GETTING TO SICKEN TO WATCH ANY MORE DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • sophia

    THAT BLACKIE NEEDS TO SHUT HER FUCKING MOUTH,also why cant you do something bout those three bitches i feel sorry for shelly’s girl watching that ugly mama of hers telling all those lies and doing jordon like that i hope they read all this please get rid of them

  • sophia

    all those three bitches do is sit around eat and run all the others down please they need to go they act like they are so much better than any body else kalia you are such a big mouth fucking black bitch

  • Williee75

    I felt so sorry for Jordon last night crying because of that woman/man Shelly stabed her in the back even when Jordon gave up a call from her own mom for that she/he and also telling that she/he if Jeff was out she would take the she/he to the final 2. I just hope Josie can live with her she/ he so called mom. I know that little girl must be so disappointed in her she/he mom. That half man half so called woman hasn’t won anything AT ALL!!!! she/he better not win, and last but not least I think she/he is lieing about all the stuff she/he say’s she has at home. LIER!LIER!LIER!LIER! LLLLLLIIIIIIIIEEEEEEERRRRRRR SHE/HE.

  • Susan43081

    shelly is a liar and will never be able to teach her daughter what integrity is…honor and integrity……………shelly has none

  • Susan43081

    shelly you preach all day long and in the end//after we have heard all about your job and all the name dropping you do and the pictures of your house…you dont even need to be on big brother or win the money

  • Sun23c

    I wonder if Shelly really knows how America feels about her now. She is lier and she is not a good example for her daughter. But if she keeps smoking the way she does she will not be around long enough to enjoy any money she may or may not win. I hope with p opening pan dora’s box that Jordan and Rachel have a second chance to really show the newbbies who really knows how to play this game. Shelly go home!!!!

  • Ruthlessann69

    ewwwwwwwww Shelly you make me sick…. and your poor daughter…. she has to watch her mother lie, cheat, steal, backstab, i hope to god she dosnt grow up to be anything like you. At this point i really don’t care who wins bb13 just as long as its NOT you! I can’t stand to watch you any longer and im sure im not alone on this!!!!

  • person

    the way you talk about Rachel gets under my skin