Big Rich Atlanta: Episode 2 Recap

Twisted sisters and pageant brats take center stage

Big Rich Atlanta: Episode 2 Recap

Assault is bad. And while I would never condone such behavior, episode 2 of Style Network’s Big Rich Atlanta serves as an example of how otherwise non-violent people can haul off and punch someone. I wanted to smack Ashlee last night so I can only imagine how one feels after a day of filming with her.

This week we start with Virginia who is waking her daughters, Harvin and Meyer, reminding them that they promised to begin their workday at 10:00. The girls don’t understand mom’s sense of urgency. I don’t understand how their over-processed hair isn’t falling out. (As a technical matter, do the extensions even have a healthy follicle to adhere to?)

Virginia became my reality TV parenting hero when she mini-lectured 27 year-old Meyer.

At Ashlee’s divorce party, I thought you were acting childish. Just because you’re out and about at night, don’t think that your manners don’t matter.

Go, Virginia!

Harvin takes mom’s words to heart and calls Ashlee to make an unauthorized apology on Meyer’s behalf. Then the trio heads over to take a look at the prototypes for their jewelry line. Harvin reminds us.

Each She Blames Me piece is named after somebody that’s hurt us in the past.

What’s your hairdresser’s name, Harv, you can use that one for sure.

Put your haters and your critics in the rearview, you cannot stumble on what’s behind you.

That’s super deep. Let’s reflect.

NEXT! Sabrina and her daughter Anandi are playing a doubles match against Katie and Diana. We winced as they ran into one another and hit each other in the head with racquets leaving us to question whether any of the four had ever played a single game of tennis prior to today.

But the real focus of the mother/daughter get together was the lunch following the stooge match. The moms invited Ashlee, a pageant coach, to join them so the girls could get some inside scoop on upcoming beauty competitions. Ashlee makes a generous offer.

I’m going to completely comp all of my fees. It’s like my boot camp. It’s like 6 weeks of complete insanity.

Cut to Sharlinda’s place where dinner guests are arriving. The doorbell rings and a voice from the kitchen can be heard.

Who at the damn door?

Sharlinda tells her sister that Q, Kahdijiha’s father, is bringing a man to introduce to 26 year-old Kahdijiha. Q and Sharlinda seem to hope this guy that Q met at the gym will hook-up with their daughter. Instead of tolerating the discomfort long enough to break for it, Kahdijiha asks the gym recruit if her dad paid him to do this. Awkward dinner convo ensues.

Cut to Ashlee’s boot camp where Diana and Anandi are practicing the runway walk. Ashlee has a little pep talk for Diana.

You’re the shorty. When you’re on stage you’re going to be competing with Anandi. She’s already ahead of you just by her genes from Jesus. Jesus liked her better than you.

So Diana, get taller and closer to the Lord if you want a remote chance at this crown. But enough with the warm-up exercises; Ashlee begins the role-playing segment to break the girls down to their most vulnerable core.

Ash tells Diana to look at Anandi and tell her she used to be fat. Ashlee reminds them.

This is what the contestants will do to you backstage.

Diana is too nice so Ashlee kicks her to the sidelines and takes matters into her own hands. After Anandi cries, Ash tells Di how things are going to be.

After that performance you might just get cut. I want a 5-page essay on why Diana should be Miss Georgia Teen and why I should let you stay in my program.

Next, Meagan meets up with Kahdijiha and Sharlinda to show them some residential properties for Kahdijiha. Sharlinda wants her daughter to marry the guy from dad’s gym and settle down in a 5-bedroom house. Kahdijiha wants a high-rise apartment with a view of the Atlanta skyline, sans the guy from the gym. Kahdijiha tells us how it will work.

Mommy and Daddy have offered to give me some money towards my down payment.

My concern isn’t so much financial; I’m more hung up on Sharlinda’s pronunciation of the word “bedroom.”

The closet is cute, the bet-room sucks.

Cut to Harvin and Ashlee working things out. Ash makes a suggestion, “We need to do something to clear the negative energy.” So they head over to see Cher, Ashlee’s “spiritualist.”

Harvin sits awkwardly while Cher gets situated.

Let me just talk to my guides for a minute.

Your what? Cher sits barefoot swinging a charm over her palm.

You’re leading with an aspect of your ego.

I’m not a psychic and I could have told you that for free. Speaking of Harvin’s ego, Cher has more insight.

It’s translating as a resting place of pain. Which tells me… wow…that’s a trauma.

On the couch Harvin tells us what Cher must be picking up on.

When I was in high school my boyfriend committed suicide, I was on the phone with him when it happened.

Cher dives deeper into a vague description that easily applies to most humans.

It was obviously an emotionally trauma of some horror. Whatever happened with this trauma, your physical body and your heart just disconnected. A part of a love for your life was shattered.

Harvin thinks Cher is supernatural, “She’s bringing up things in my life that no one knows and it’s freaking me out.”

Harv, she didn’t say, “Oh yeah I see here that your boyfriend committed suicide when you were 18.” Don’t be so naïve. And get some conditioner quick before your hair falls out.

Back at home, Meyer is dressed like Isis when Harvin reveals that Ashlee is coming over. Meyer isn’t happy, Virginia tells her to be gracious. Meyer pouts. Harvin lets her know how she feels.

You’re being ridic.

Harvin whips out the prototypes and does a little show-n-tell with Ashlee.

Next, Meagan, Meyer and Kahdijiha are hanging out by the pool. Meagan compares herself to Meyer, “I’m super pale.” No Meagan, you’re just super skin cancer free. Trust me, Meyer will be all wrinkled up one day regretting her time spent bathing in UV rays and you can introduce her as your mother.

Meyer tells the girls about Harvin inviting Ashlee over. On the couch, Meyer tells us more about sis.

She will give people more chances than they deserve.

Meyer’s inner psychologist takes over and she shares her theory with the girls.

I think Harvin is so confused why someone could act the way [Ashlee] acts. It makes Harvin want to dig in deeper. She has been through so much that it would blow your mind.

So naturally, Meyer tells the boyfriend/suicide story.

Look, Meyer, it’s a sad story. Really. But it’s already old and it does nothing to explain how the two of you ended up on television looking like Twisted Sister.

Over at Ashlee’s studio, boot camp is in session but Diana is MIA. Ash uses the time to have Anandi practice mocking fellow contestants. Anandi focuses on the absent Diana and tells her off pageant style.

Diana, everybody is going to see me and no one is going to see you because you’re going to be a decoration in the back.

So this isn’t the chapter on inner-beauty?

Diana shows up late and tells Ash that cheerleading practice ran over. Ashlee says she’ll need to quit cheerleading. When Diana hesitates, Ashlee kicks her out of the program. But not before Anandi is given the opportunity to practice on Diana in person. Ashlee finishes her off by telling her she’s not special.

Next we’re at a fashion preview party for a local designer named Daryl. He compliments Ashlee’s dress but alludes to it being a knockoff, which is why I’m now in love with Daryl. As soon as he walks away, Ash begins the belittling process.

Don’t call me on designers when you don’t know. It’s embarrassing when you think you know a designer and you don’t.

Kahdijiha won’t let it slide. She calls Daryl back over and lets him know what Ashlee said. Daryl solidified my lifetime commitment to him when he fired back at Ash.

Who are you because I thought Anna Nicole Smith died.

Ashlee bolts.

Before viewers have adequate time to praise Daryl, Meagan mucks things up by telling Harvin she knows about the high school boyfriend thing. Harvin flips out, screams at Meyer and runs out of the party like a 12 year-old.

Harvin, this is stupid. Unless there’s some big twist to the story, we’re done with it. And who cares if Meagan knows. You exhaust me. Your hair exhausts me too.

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