Big Rich Atlanta: Episode 3 Recap

Hair Extension Trouble? Dial 911.

Big Rich Atlanta: Episode 3 Recap

Successful female entrepreneurs around the world watched episode 3 of Style Network’s Big Rich Atlanta in total disbelief as Meagan and her mother Marcia singlehandedly set women back about 40 years. They begin their mobile fashion boutique with a fluffy idea and a tube of lipstick, sans a business plan or funding. Armed with all that, they head to a commercial vehicle lot and tour different sized trucks while they throw around chic design ideas like mirrored walls and a pop-out dressing room.

The truck Meagan wants is $46,000. But this is Big RICH Atlanta so what’s the prob Marcia, pay up. Where’s your wallet? Oh I see- your plan was to start thinking about money on the fly.

The wisest thing no matter what amount of money, it’s better for us to get investors.

Interesting concept. Explain that to us, Marcia. We’re talking about some dresses in a van, investors aren’t necessary unless:

  1. You don’t have any money.
  2. You’re not willing to risk your own money because you put more thought into today’s outfit than the viability of this venture.

Big Rich Atlanta by Merritt PattersonThey lean on the truck and brainstorm. Meagan decides she’ll approach her dad, one of Marcia’s 4 ex-husbands. Because most divorced men want to fund businesses that will be owned in part by the ex-wife, right? Y’all work on a back up plan while we check on the others.

Cut to Ashlee’s condo where she begins a phone call with Harvin like all true socialites do, “Hey, Mama.” Ash launches into a rant about Meyer’s recent behavior via a 1995 state-of-the-art cordless while she wanders thru her home admiring large oil paintings of herself. Ashlee convinces Harvin that the most reasonable course of action is to betray her sister and pledge undying loyalty to a one-time pageant girl who spells her name like a stripper.

Over at Virginia’s house, Harvin and Meyer are either ignoring each other or the hair chemicals finally attacked areas of their central nervous systems leaving them unable to speak.

As it turns out, Harvin is still just mad from the other night when Meyer told people about the death of Harvin’s ex-boyfriend in high school. Meyer thinks that’s kind of stupid, along with the rest of America. So Meyer counters with anger about Harvin storming off and fleeing to the enemy, Ashlee.

Speaking of Ash, no wonder Meyer hates her with burning passion. We drop in on Ashlee’s meeting with the party planner about her upcoming birthday celebration. She’ll be having about 50 guests.

My stylist is gonna style everyone so everyone’s gonna be phenomenal.

Next on the agenda, security.

Ash: Are these gentlemen that work outside uber big?

Party Planner: Pretty big.

Ash: Are any of them hot because I have single girlfriends that will be looking for someone to date.

So, Ashlee, your guests are members of Atlanta’s most elite and won’t mind being sent to the stylist of your choice so they’ll be presentable enough to hookup with the door guy?

Cut to Cacao, an adorable little chocolate shop with an elegant ambiance. The perfect setting for Harvin to specify size of her order by grabbing Ashlee’s breast and showing the poor cashier. Ashlee is equally as polished, telling the traumatized man, “I want a green tea the size of that,” as she jabs Harvin’s implant with her umbrella.

While the women wait out the rain so Harvin’s spray tan doesn’t wash off, they discuss the sister fight. Ashlee tells Harvin that Meyer has “morphed into a demon,” and “she’s being a psycho, it’s pretty gross.”

Harvin tells Ashlee that she’s supposed to meet up with Virginia and Meyer for some kickboxing but fears she’ll be tempted to let out her aggression on Meyer. Ashlee thinks that’s the best idea she’s heard all day and encourages Harvin to beat her sister senseless, “You’ve gotta face your demons, Dude, like, you gotta face your demons.” Ash wants a front row seat.

You should go to the kickboxing and I’m gonna come. I’m depending on you for the take out punch.

Did you just call her Dude?

Back to the business moguls who were surprisingly unable to scrape together $46,000 on the quick. So off to plan B. Marcia and Meagan pull up to a home where the residents are sitting on lawn chairs in an open garage. From the couch, Marcia justifies shopping for a used truck.

I could easily invest in the fashion truck if I wanted to but no smart businesswoman invests her own money into a new business.

Yeah, I see what you mean, Marcia. Women who do silly things like that are just not as business savvy as you are.

The used truck has a cracked windshield and is a bit rough around the edges but Meagan takes it for a spin and likes it.

Marcia: So how much are you askin’ for this?

Man: 43.

Meagan: 43 thousand?

Man: 43 hundred.

Meagan: That sounds better.

Meagan, you’re a gifted negotiator, don’t ever change. She impresses her mom on the ride home with more sound business talk.

I want the truck. When you get a good vibe like that, it’s like buying a dress.

With that fresh vibe, Meagan decides it’s time to call her dad. He declines the opportunity to invest and Meagan responds professionally, “It’s like he hates me.” She hits the couch to tell us more.

I can’t believe that my father can’t be supportive of his own daughter.

Meg, it’s not you. It’s your half-baked idea, poor planning, and partnership with his ex-wife. K?

It’s kickboxing day! Harvin and Ashlee continue the classy tour, getting things started with a very public chest bump, “Double D, BOOM!” Meyer trumps that with a gesture that was blurred due to federal broadcasting laws. When the sisters begin punching one another, viewers checked to see if they’d accidentally changed the channel ending up on a rerun of Jerry Springer.

The fight continues out into the lobby where they scream a little more until Meyer slaps Harvin.

Cut to Ashlee as she gets ready for her birthday party.

I’ve got a fabulous dress, check. Fabulous hair and make-up, check. Fabulous car, check. And a hot-ass boyfriend, check, check, check. Happy birthday to me.

Ash, we just loathe you. Check. Check. Check.

Meanwhile, over at Virginia’s house, she’s called an emergency family meeting. She’s absolutely had it. I bet she’s packed her bags and is heading to the airport. Well, she was going to before she came up with one final child-rearing strategy seemingly borrowed from an episode of Supernanny. She turns over a glass sand timer and tells the girls they have until it runs out, about 5 minutes, to resolve their problems.

Guests are arriving at Ashlee’s birthday bash and it’s clear she has few friends as indicated by the invitation to her biggest enemy other than Meyer, Kahdijiha.

Big Rich Atlanta by Merritt PattersonHarvin was so busy making up with her sister that she had to get ready quickly. That’s the only plausible explanation for the Lady Gaga wig and Star Trek dress that, when worn together, revealed Harv’s last minute Boy George inspiration.

Kahdijiha and some of the other girls head over to the cupcake table and dig in. Somewhere between the giggles and licking icing off fingers, Kahdijiha began vandalizing the cupcake display. Rather than having one of those ginormous doormen tend to the issue, Ash heads over to handle it personally.

Kahdijiha calls her ugly so Ashlee yells over the crowd for reinforcement.

Hello. I’ve got a fat black girl callin’ me ugly at my party.

Kahdijiha are you going to take that, even though all of this is your fault? Didn’t think so.

Kahdijiha: And I’ve got an ugly white bitch trying to act like she’s somethin’ when she’s not.

Ashlee: Everybody gather around and let’s see who is prettier, me or Kahdijiha.

When Ashlee begins touching Kahdijiha’s stomach and repeating, “Jelly belly, jelly belly,” Kahdijiha attacks. Drinks fly, punches are thrown and hair is pulled.

As extensions lay in the rubble, Ash dials 911.

I need an ambulance and I need the police.

Do paramedics reattach synthetic hair? We’re sure to find out next week.

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  • 歌姫 Shan-san

    SOOOOOOOOOOO you are NOT going to touch on the fact that the OTHER girls were “redecorating” the cupakes???