Big Rich Atlanta: Episode 5 Recap

Art is pain, poor grammar is excruciating.

Big Rich Atlanta: Episode 5 Recap

You know the saying about all publicity is good publicity? Well you can ask Atlanta’s Mayor Kasim Reed about that being a total load of crap. You’ll probably find him in a dark corner of a rural Georgia bar mumbling something about how Style Network ruined his life.

Episode 5 of Big Rich Atlanta begins at Virginia’s home where she and her daughters are entertaining Queen Evelyn, a man they refer to as “she” because he wears stilettos and make-up. Evelyn asks about the art on the wall and much to “her” surprise, Harvin is the anguished artist, inspired by death and drama. The group encourages Harvin to share her talent that was developed as a coping mechanism after her high school boyfriend committed suicide. Meyer suggests an art show.

Harvin feels uncomfortable and doesn’t like the idea of publicizing her pain. Which is where things get a little fuzzy for me because she’s discussing it on television. But she’s clearly apprehensive and everyone else in the room is suffering from full-blown Asperger’s as they’re unable to read Harvin’s obvious cues of discomfort.

On the couch, Virginia tells us the art helped Harvin in ways no one else could.

Goose: I tried everything to fix her back like I thought she was but apparently she wasn’t fixable.

Harvin: She called me every bit of damaged.

Harv, damaged is a credential in the art world, roll with it. And what if you could pick up a few bucks for your magenta and yellow painting of ½ of Jesus’ head?

Next we’re at Sharlinda’s house where Kaj is drafting a statement to set the record straight about her throw-down with Ashlee. She reads us what she has so far.

I am a very educated young professional with lots of respect for myself and others. I was approached by Ashlee Hawn and she said some very disrespectful things. After she started wit’ me, it went down.

Kaj, for a very educated professional, you certainly struggle with some basics like pronunciation of the TH sound. I don’t want to overwhelm you with the number of corrections that instantly come to mind regarding your prose above, so just focus on using words that end in TH wiTH the tip of your tongue slightly past your front teeth. Work on that while we check on Meagan.

Meagan and her mother are still working to secure investors for the mobile boutique biz so Marcia has brought her rising mogul to meet with Deborah O’Connor. Marsh gives us the scoop on Deb.

She meets with a lot of upscale businesses to help them with their business planning. And Meagan is actually going to do a presentation for her for our business plan for Poppy Red.

So viewers worldwide paused the DVR while they made popcorn because no one wanted to miss this. The excitement was built from the interview couch.

Meagan: I made the whole business plan.

Marcia: So she ought to know the thing up and down and backwards and forwards.

Deb takes them to the boardroom and asks if they have a presentation prepared. I was giddy when Meg picked up a single 8.5×11 sheet of copy-weight paper and responded, “Well, do you have a tack or something?”

Not a tack in the room since about 1992 so she tried to balance it on an easel designed for oversized signage. When it flopped over super pathetically, Deborah just held the visual aid that turned out to be a sepia toned picture of a truck next to the words, MOBILE BOUTIQUE CONCEPT.

Deb: OK, what is a mobile boutique concept?

Meg: The mobile boutique is where we want to start our company off with is the boutique side, um, it’s a very, very detailed concept that I came up with.

Deb: I want to know more about the fashion truck.

Big Rich Atlanta by Merritt Patterson

So Meagan whipped out a red Sharpie and drew a picture of a truck on the flip board. Meg, she knows what a truck looks like, no thanks to that drawing, but I think she means more specifically about how your idea will generate revenue and sustain itself. OK, go ahead and finish drawing the wheels.

Deborah put viewers out of their misery, “The bottom line is this presentation isn’t ready for investors yet, it’s not good enough.”

Mom takes Meagan to lick her wounds at lunch, “A horrific start.” Meagan cries about being rejected by her father. Meg, sad story bro but you’re a grown-up, let’s stop the whining.

Next, Sharlinda runs into Virginia at the country club that’s so exclusive you can join for as little as $250 down and $147 per month.

Shar wants to organize an art show for Harvin, Virginia throws back a Grey Goose martini in lieu of lunch and accepts the kind offer.

At an art gallery across town, Sharlinda and Kaj meet up with Meyer, Harvin and Goose to introduce them to Theresa, the gallery curator, and show her some of Harv’s work. Theresa begins with the neon Jesus, “Tell me a little bit about this one, why did you use those colors?” Harvin digs deep for the truth behind her masterpiece.

Well, color is, like, I’m fascinated with color. I love bright colors.

Then Theresa points to a large sketch of a naked Goose curled up sadly with a buried face.

This one I see a lot of emotion in, what was going through your head when you did this?

“Ummmmm, can we go to the next one,” Harvin is at a loss for words.

Big Rich Atlanta Recap by Merritt Patterson

Let me stop you right there, Theresa. If you’re looking for an articulate theory about Mona Lisa or something, you’re barking up the wrong tree. What Harv meant to say was, “Jesus is pink because it matched my room and I drew that sketch instead of becoming an emo.”

Sharlinda wants Harvin to spill her guts about the boyfriend’s suicide to a total stranger, but Harv doesn’t budge.

Back to Meagan, she’s at the house, lying on the sofa with a glass of wine when Marcia gets home.

Meagan: I was just king of researching and reading over the van that we looked at, the Sprinter.

Marcia: I think we need to take a step back on this right now. I don’t want to be rushing into something, I’m not ready, you’re not ready.

Meagan: I’m putting my heart and soul into this.

Yeah, Marcia, she’s reading this brochure about the truck, at night, AND that’s on top of the presentation she gave the other day. Meagan is stunned by her mother’s hesitation.

Meagan: If we’re putting brakes on it, I’m getting the vintage truck.

Marcia: You’re going to get a truck that’s going to fall apart?

Meagan: It doesn’t need to move.

I was thinking that was the MOBILE part of your very, very detailed mobile boutique concept?

Marcia: How are we going to take it to events?

Meagan: We could trailer it, ya know.

Meg. The mobile boutique must move. Think about the logistics while we visit with Harv.

At the gallery, Sharlinda is preparing for the exhibit and shouting a sales plan to bartenders.

I want every cup poured. I want some drunk people so we can sell this art.

At the last minute, 30-year-old Harvin is busy nursing her high school pain, and isn’t ready for her show. Goose and Meyer go ahead without her. When they arrive, Shar is pissed that Harv isn’t demonstrating more of a work ethic.

Virginia: This is not her jewelry business. This is her heart and soul from a trauma.

Sharlinda: Are you saying she don’t want to do this?

Shar. Lin. Da. EWWWWWW, that’s so gross. It’s DOESN’T. Please stop talking.

But she just keeps on yappin’. Sharlinda makes an announcement to the crowd.

Everybody, everybody, the party is over. The artist coward out. She does not want to come and appear here tonight.

Virginia tries to shut Shar up but is unsuccessful. With the same volume used to address the guests, Sharlinda responds to Goose, “Well you said this is not her dream.”

Meyer tells Shar to settle down. Shar does an ugly scream in Meyer’s face, “Don’t you talk to me like that.” Then in the midst of the commotion, Sharlinda tries to take Meyers cocktail but it hits Kaj instead.

Hi, Harv, where the Hell has your damaged ass been? That’s what Sharlinda wants to know.

We wanted to display your art, you should have said, Sharlinda, don’t waste your time. But my thing is, you’re here now, are you gonna greet these people who came to see your artwork?

Sharlinda’s passive aggressive rant isn’t over yet. She pulls the traumatized Harvin to the front of the crowd, “Maybe give a description of one of the pieces in here.” Shar points to the closest one, a black and white eagle or something with wings fully spread, and speaks to the guests.

She is never at a loss for damn words so I don’t understand why  she is at a loss for words tonight.

Meyer tries to help her sister but Shar isn’t having any of that.

You need to calm down and let Harvin have her night.

Sharlinda, as previously discussed, I don’t think Harv wants this night. But Shar will make the artist breakdown in front of everyone if it’s the last thing she ever does. She tells Meyer, “You keep stealing her joy.”

Joy? I’d call it fear, apprehension, anxiety…joy doesn’t even make my top 50 on this one.

The yelling continues while Harvin gathers her art from the walls and says she wants to go home. Shar is understanding and comforts Harv, “You have great artwork, see you in the next life.”

Sharlinda, that didn’t even make sense. You really should stop all verbal communication.

Comments

  • Jbmayretta11

    Shar was gross and unprofessional. She didn’t just embarrass Harvin but the entire room of guests AND the City of Atlanta. How horrible to mortify her about her artwork!

  • Lauren130

    It’s TV! It’s drama! What do you expect? Thanks to Ashlee spilling the beans we all now know it’s scripted. Sharlinda deserves an Oscar for her performance. #WhenBeingLateGoesWrong

    • JustPeachy

      It’s a blog. It’s called snark! I can’t wait to read MP’s opinionated recaps each week.