I have to admit I cried throughout this entire episode. Watching everyone fight for their lives to raise so much money for charity made me burst into tears more than once. I’m not usually that sweet. Maybe I’m getting my period.
The teams are both exhausted from the last task and are ready to go home. It’s late at night, they’ve been working for days, the men are practically sleeping in their chairs and the women are in tears. NENE LEAKS IS actually CRYING.
So what does Trump do? He calls the celebrities back into the boardroom and tells them to get their asses in gear because the next task starts NOW.
Yes! Double task! I love it when they do this because everyone is twice as tired, twice as cranky and of course, twice as nuts.
The challenge is to create an instant art gallery and raise as much money as possible by selling their creations. This episode is amazing because it’s like a bizarro arts and crafts hour that gives us an inside look at the deranged minds of celebrities.
But first – a little shadiness:
Am I out of line by saying Jose Conseco is lying about his father? Because I think he is. Producers know exactly what they were doing when they show John Rich giving his speech about holding everyone personally accountable for bringing in individual donations, then they immediately cut to Jose starting to sweat. His father might be sick, but Jose Conseco is still a lair, a cheater and a coward and now it seems he is using his father’s unfortunate illness to cheat again in another type of game. Conseco can hit the road and take his ugly bedazzled wardrobe with him. Get out. Gross.
Art ensues and craziness begins. Meatloaf has an epic meltdown when he thinks Gary Busey stole his paint. He loses his shit and throws a tantrum like a five year old, and then he threatens to beat the hell out of Busey like a thug. Meanwhile Busey is puttering around like a lunatic talking about rainbows and South Dakota. Love. I never want it to stop.
The auction starts and the money is pouring in. Cowboys are flown in on private jets, cast members from the Sorpanos guest star as art critics and Gary Busey sells an armadillo/buffalo/javelina piece for $5,000. In my mind any art by Busey is priceless. Some midget who’s name is actually two-foot Bill or something buys a rhinestone guitar from the men for $470,000 and JOHN RICH STARTS CRYING.
The women are on fire too. Marlee is signing up a storm, Star is stealing credit card numbers by hacking the mainframe of some super computer and somehow people keep just handing over $99,000. Like, repeatedly.
Back to the boardroom.
The men kill it by raising nearly $700,000 but the women kill them by raising nearly $1 million. Trump names Marlee the victor and now the INTERPRETER IS CRYING
Shit. Now I CAN’T STOP CRYING EITHER.
Richard Hatch is fired and this bothers me. It’s such a stupid firing that this practically negates the amazingness of this whole episode. Oh well, I guess there’s always Dancing with the Stars for him next, right?