This question was posed to me tonight: With a gun to your head – If you had to bang one guy on the men’s team, who would it be? I hemmed, hawed and weighed my options until I came to the only reasonable conclusion. I would rather lick Lisa Lampanelli slowly from head to toe than have sex with any of these dudes.
Physical attributes aside, there’s a bit of a weird personality thing going on this season. Usually on reality shows there are “good guys” and “bad guys.” Everyone is supposed to be a bit batshit – that’s a given – but there are also supposed to be clearly defined characters that you love, juxtaposed against characters that you love to hate. Usually this love/hate is directly correlated to the level of sanity vs. insanity of each character. This season of The Celebrity Apprentice defies the laws of fame-based reality shows because it is missing a key element: The Crazy!
Rather than finding desperate celebrities who also happen to be completely nuts, somehow the casting people found the only celebrities in the entire world willing to be on a reality show who happen to be completely and utterly SANE. WTF?
Why on earth would we want to watch a whole season of rational well-mannered people compete for some bullshitty crown that only an insane person would want to win? Didn’t anyone tell these people that “winner” of The Celebrity Apprentice = title given to a crazy person?
At least what the celebrities lack in insanity, they make up for by being super annoying. For example, on the ladies team there are a gaggle of brunettes who constantly bitch and moan about being underutilized, yet they don’t seem to understand they aren’t being used because they are completely fucking useless.
The only useful people on the women’s team are Debbie Gibson, Lisa Lampanelli and Aubrey O’ Day. Debbie is totally tragic, but at least she’s feisty and has some hustle. Lisa is a smart lady because she realizes Aubrey is the biggest asset to the team. Aubrey recognizes Lisa will protect her so they form a quiet alliance. I like it. Speaking of crazy – Aubrey O’ Day is by far the one in the cast who’s closest to being totally insane – but she’s also the most creative, cunning and entertaining.
Side note: When Aubrey was on MTV’s show “The Making of the Band” she was one of the most naturally talented people I’ve ever seen. She can sing, dance and entertain the heck out of an audience. To see her creative mind at work on The Celebrity Apprentice has been interesting, because it shows she’s not only talented – she’s actually really smart. This provides some deep psychological insight into a woman who actually has what it takes to be regarded as one of the most respected talents in the world – but her weird obsession with fame, ambition (and plastic surgery) distracts people from her natural ability and relegates her to being viewed as some desperate talentless wannabe. This is sad because Aubrey O’ Day isn’t a wannabe at all. She’s the real deal. It’s a shame she makes choices that prevent the world from seeing her as the star she really is. It kind of makes me want to cry.
*Pause for weeping*
Now the men. My boyfriend thinks they should finally just paint Lou green, let him rip his shirt off, then immediately fire him. That way he gets to do his thing and we finally get rid of him.
I actually want to see Ferrigno as project manager and I want him to win. Not because I particularly like Lou or give a shit about his redemption. I just want to see his teammates finally STFU and listen to him. Every week Ferrigno tries to offer assistance, but his uppity cohorts all just dismiss him as too retarded to play the game and refuse to assign him a task. Rude! Personally I have no clue about Lou’s actual ability, but it’s ridiculous that he hasn’t even been given a chance to pass or fail. Give him some responsibility and let him either sink his own ship or shine. Then he can rip his fucking shirt off.
Next week: Lou falls down while mopping the floor and Theresa Guidice finally speaks.
In 2007 Jenn was picked by Donald Trump to be on his hit television series “The Apprentice“. Her dominant personality, unwavering determination and off beat sense of humor landed her in 9 out of 14 episodes of the hit season of The Apprentice and an invitation to appear on Reality Obsessed, a show about reality fans favorite tv stars. She also is a host and face of Reality Wanted, the world’s biggest reality news and casting site. After the Apprentice Jenn became a news reporter for NBC.