Kim Zolciak isn’t exactly the most polished person in the world; not many people would dispute that. But last night’s Don’t Be Tardy For the Wedding packed an especially large number of tacky moments into its half-hour time slot, as Kim edged closer to her wedding date.
She shopped for more items for her wedding day, began working on her wedding vows and tried to smooth things over with her mom — but not without putting her through the wringer behind her back.
Here’s what went down:
1. Each show begins with Kim talking to her baby, KJ, about whatever is going on in her life, which serves as foreshadowing for the episode. But this time, she told her baby how unreasonable her mom was being and it just seemed kinda wrong. KJ doesn’t understand what she’s saying yet, but still. Kids are supposed to think grandmas are magical creatures, not unlike a unicorn that farts rainbows or a bunny that drops off Cadbury creme eggs and jelly beans.
2. Kim met with her uncle John — mom’s brother — to discuss The Argument. But she can’t manage to do so without dropping several f-bombs, and John has to tell her, Hey man, that’s my sister, so tread a little more lightly please. Meanwhile, TV censors thank Kim for job security.
3. Kim and Kroy asked their friend to marry them, and Kim said she wanted him to hold “a blinged out Bible” while presiding over the ceremony. WWJD? Probably not that.
4. A portion of the episode was dedicated to Kim’s search for a Porta Potty because she didn’t want “250 people trekking through my house and pissing all over my floors. … I just want to get married on the property. (They can) sh*t outside.” Isn’t this the exact time that having an 18,000 square foot house might come in handy?
5. Kim was stumped when it came time to write her wedding vows, so her friend tried to help her get the creative juices flowing: “So, what made you fall in love with him?” Kim: “His ass. That (m-fers) body is a work of art! … But I can’t say that in front of 200 people.” Really? Why change things up now, Kim?