How to Plan a Kim Zolciak Wedding

Side boob? Check. Crystal runway? You betcha.

How to Plan a Kim Zolciak Wedding

Planning a wedding ain't easy, especially if you're a diva.

So when Kim Zolciak of The Real Housewives of Atlanta got engaged to NFL footballer Kroy Biermann last year, Bravo was like, “Hey, we've gotta get this hot mess on film.” And so, Kim's spin-off Don't Be Tardy for the Wedding, was born, and it premiered last night with back-to-back episodes.

Although Kim's big day was still in its early planning stages, we were able to glean several important tips for other engaged ladyfolk. Here are the top lessons from the season premiere:

1. If you must be constricted by a budget, make sure that budget is no less than $600K. If the wedding planner later tells you to expect a bill bearing seven figures, blow it off. You've got money to burn!

2. Be sure to choose the most sought-after date of the year (in this case 11-11-11), and don't begin planning until eight weeks prior. Also, make sure it's a work day for your husband.

3. Everything must have at least one rhinestone on it.

4. Should you get married at your sprawling mansion, for the love of God, do

NOT let your guests go inside your home. Either that, or only invite people you trust not to rip you off.

5. In addition to your $58,000 wedding dress, be sure to get two other $20,000 ensembles to change into at the reception.

5a. Two inches of “side boob” hanging out the sides of your dress is a fashion DO.

6. The walkway leading up to the alter shall be “all blinged out with crystals on each side.”

7. Hire your husband's personal trainer for wedding boot camp. Complain the entire time, and don't forget to wear your heaviest wig and a full face of make up for your work out session.

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