Honey Boo Boo Finale: It Is What It Is

Honey Boo Boo becomes an aunt, has a gay uncle with no fashion sense and is reunited with Glitzy the pig!

Honey Boo Boo Finale: It Is What It Is

Usually my compadre Branden writes about Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and I’m sad to say that he is out of town this week and isn’t able to cover it.

Okay, I’m not going to lie, I’m kinda giddy about it.

I’ll admit, I have prided myself all season long saying I wouldn’t dare watch this crap, but as my hubby is out of town this week (and unable to chastise me for watching it) I ventured over to TLC to see what I was missing. Lucky for me there was a Honey Boo Boo marathon. After the first episode, I DVR’d ALL of them. I finished them in no time flat. I’m so ashamed. I feel like Mama after she done eat all the Oreos, sketti and cheeseballs.

Honey Boo Boo Mama Fat

In keeping with Branden’s kick ass “untraditional” recaps, I give you the Top 5 Moments of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’s finale episode, as well as it’s Top Quotes. I hope I make you proud, B.

In it’s one hour finale, the family decides to get together for a family portrait which isn’t easy when they’re like a pack of wild animals. Poor photographer. Anna has her baby and she’s born with an extra appendage (go figure) while Honey Boo Boo has two days to prepare for a last minute pageant. And there’s sneezing, lots of it. And gnats.

Honey Boo Boo Child Mama

(Cue the banjos)

TOP 5 MOMENTS …in no particular order

5. The Family Portrait: Mama and family meet with a photographer to take a family photo. Mama puts a little “paint on the barn,” meaning makeup, and pulls her hair back into one big cheese puff on the back of her head. I have to admit though, she looks better than usual and I think she even scrubbed out her neck crust. Her foundation and powder end at neck #1 though, and I think she maybe should have blended it into neck #2. The girls fight about holding hands, drinking water, and the heat. Everyone squirms and bickers and at the end of it all the photographer says, “I’m exhausted.”

4. Anna a.k.a ‘Chickadee’ has her baby: “Pop goes the baby!” says Sugar Bear, who cut the umbilical cord. Baby Kaitlyn was born with three thumbs and the family cannot make enough jokes about it. They talk about school fingerprints and Chubbs especially likes the phrase, ‘gimme a high-six!’ She adds that the baby stinks, and she describes it. “She (the baby) smelled bad. Not bad like raunchy biscuit bad, but bad like formula-smelling bad.” She knows what “raunchy biscuit” smells like? I’m not even going there. Honey Boo Boo has her own descrption of tiny Kaitlyn. “She’s so tiny. I. POOP. BIGGER!” The ladies know how to keep it classy, y’all.

3. The Cat: Obviously the family cat isn’t too keen on Chubbs and Honey Boo Boo. It freaks out while the girls are rough housing in the bedroom and starts attacking them in a frenzy (production adds a cat screeching sound to up the ante). The girls squeal and jump on the bed to escape the cat’s wrath but the ferocious feline still attacks over and over. It jumps up, swinging the shit out of it’s front paws with it’s claws out, trying to get an anchor in one of Chubbs’ feet. Chubbs kicks violently at the cat who is undeterred and manages to rip a flip-flop off her foot. “Our cat is possessed,” says Honey Boo Boo, but I can’t help but wonder why this cat has such a chip on it’s shoulders. Oh yeah, it lives here.

2. Uncle Poodle: Honey Boo Boo has two days to prepare for the Sparkle and Shine pageant and her Uncle ‘Poodle’, Sugar Bear’s gay younger brother, is up for the challenge. He visits and mentors Honey Boo Boo on her routine. Once a “grass/mud fight” erupts, he freaks about getting grass stains on his striped, cotton/polyester blend polo shirt. I think he’s the worst dressed gay I have ever come across.

1. The Pageant: Moments before the show is to begin, Honey Boo Boo puts on her pageant dress, which doesn’t fit anymore. Apparently this is the result of chicken nuggets, and the woman dressing Honey Boo Boo isn’t amused. Says Chubbs, “Most of the girls are twigs, Alana’s more like a log.” After sashaying her way around the stage for the judges, she walks away with the “People’s Choice” award for being the crowd favorite. She receives her crown and is told there is a special surprise, just for her. (I mean, this IS the finale episode, right?!) And it’s GLITZY the pig! Like Honey Boo Boo, Glitzy has gotten a little bigger. She is thrilled to see him. But no, you can’t take him home.

TOP QUOTES

“Baby Kaitln arrived on the Biscuit Express!” – Honey Boo Boo on becoming an Aunt.

“I wish I had an extra finger, then I could grab more cheeseballs.” – Honey Boo Boo on Kaitlyn’s extra thumb

“Having that extra thumb remind me of a Swiss Army knife.” – Sugar Bear on his granddaughter

“Well, if she gets gassy, she one of the family.” Honey Boo Boo during Kaitlyn’s first bottle feeding at home

“Ain’t nothing wrong with being a little gay, everyone’s a little gay.” – Honey Boo Boo on her Uncle Poodle

“Redneck ain’t the word for this damn family. They dysfunctional rednecks. One got bugs, one farts all the time, one’s playin’ in the mud, and one’s diggin’ in her butt all the time.” – Uncle Poodle on Mama and girls

“I have chicken nugget power!” – Honey Boo Boo before donning her swimwear onstage

Can’t get enough Honey Boo Boo? TLC just ordered more episides and HOLLAday specials!

Honey Boo Boo Animated Gif

Comments

  • http://www.facebook.com/gloria.pack.52 Gloria Pack

    Honey Boo Boo should give up pagents and go for tv and movies. You know why she got crowd favorite? Did you here the crowd when she came out on stage, they went wild. Cant wait till the Halloween special. Also HBBs comments on them Damn gnats, and gonna piss myself were hilarious!!!

  • Chris

    Branden doesn’t do all the ani-gif’s you do. This is high-larious! xoxo Brandon, enjoy vacation.

  • AnnieO

    glad i could hide the pics while reading! that is one strange woman!

    • Evelynmcfeely

      oh so what, it is the best reality show I have seen in production in a long time, it is called, ‘REALITY’. AND, YOU, I suppose live in a cute little white picket fence with an american flag up in the crows nest

      • Renee

        Best reality show? Wow, that is the one of the biggest overstatements I’ve seen in a long time. You don’t need to live in a cute white picket fence with a flag to know that this is white-trash at its finest (or most pathetic).

        The reason the ratings are so high, isn’t because it’s relateable- it’s because it’s a car accident you can’t turn away from. It’s disgusting, I want to puke just looking at the gifs that Spicy posted.

        • Sally

          Don’t we all have a little “white trash” hidden in all of us.

      • AnnieO

        as I didn’t personally attack YOU maybe you should keep your comments about my life to yourself. btw your suppositions are wrong!

  • Pjpepsi

    SNOOKIE BOO BOO!

  • Take Our Country Back

    This show is hilarious and tragic at the same time.
    Did anyone notice that the drain in the kitchen isn’t going anywhere? They have a nasty bucket to catch the dirty water, which isn’t the worse it could be, but it opens the question “what about the rest of the plumbing?”
    Where do all those people sleep and how is that baby going to be safe, as well as the babies from many more daddies that will follow?
    There isn’t one nutritious item in that house to give the children the “fuel” they need to properly grow mentally, emotionally or physically.
    They dumpster dive for food and clothes, but the girls can go to the convenience store and buy all they can carry five times a day, every day (according to the store manager).
    The only way Alana wins anything in any pageant is because people know her from the show and that is not setting her up for real life where you actually have to practice and put 100% effort in to succeed.
    If you could live on love this family would have it all, but the truth is you can’t survive on just love.
    Social Services should take a good look at this household.
    I know, I know you all will say “well don’t watch it then” I CAN’T HELP IT!! It’s like a horrible train wreck, you know you will be traumatized but you can’t look away.

  • Drnitengayle

    l can’t begin to think of watching this white trash, high cholesterol, over weight uneducated mess, the clips are disgusting enough to let me know what a waste of time it would be

  • Meade Afton

    What a terrible waste of money. I can’t believe these people are being paid to act like idiots. There is no way I would watch or try to relate. Give me a break, CPS would be on the doorstep of any other family that lived like this. Go on diets, make better decisions and give your family a fighting chance.

  • Tina101301

    Not all southern ppl are this way! This show is one I have never watched nor plan to! It gives us southerners a bad rep!

  • Sharris

    that honey boo boo show i s terrible i hope tyhey cancel it and keep it off tv
    terrible is not he name for it.1 would not waste my time viewing stupidity

  • Laura

    They may be “rednecks” but they’re really not hurting anyone and have a far more inclusive attitude than most people. The worst dressed gay you’ve ever seen? Right, ’cause all gays have an inbuilt sense of style and jazz hands at their disposal? Seems HBB has more sense that you on that front. I agree this is trash TV and I wouldn’t want to go around there for dinner but I’d take them over the Kardashians any day. At least they have hearts.

  • Shys2shy

    fat ugly little girl

  • Robin Paddock

    I don’t think they are acting… sadly.. never watched it, never will.. I’ve seen enough promotion of the dumbing down of our country on the news, the soup and late night TV.