Here Comes Honey Boo Boo premiered with two episodes Wednesday night and it was everything I expected and more.
We got to meet Honey Boo Boo’s dad Sugar Bear and her sisters Chickadee, Chubbs and Pumpkin. Oh, and we were reacquainted with her mom June. The show follows the family as they prepare for a big pageant at the end of the summer and as they make a couple stops a long the way, like the Redneck Games for example.
And since the show is such a cluster-freak train wreck, it’s impossible to do a traditional recap. So I’m going to share with you the Top 5 moments and some of the best quotes.
Top 5 Moments
1. June washes her hair in the kitchen sink. Apparently that’s where the entire family does this. I’m not sure why, but June mumbled something about you sit in your own filth in a bathtub so your hair gets cleaner in the sink? Fantastic. I’m just happy you don’t have to wash Big Mac containers because I’d hate for them to eat off dishes washed in sinks where they maintain their hygiene.
2. Pumpkin competes in a bobbing for pigs feet contest at the Redneck Games. No, really. Like REAL pigs feet. Floating in a tub of water. Dipping your face in the pig feet water. Picking them up with your mouth. Disgusting. And she doesn’t even win. Meanwhile, Chubbs and Honey Boo Boo compete in a mud pit belly flop contest. This family is insane.
3. Watching people swim in a river with a clear warning about entering at your own risk due to high levels of bacteria found in the water. At least June is smart (hahahaha) enough to not allow her kids to swim in the water.
4. Chubbs and June go on a diet. June weighs in and the scale goes to error. I think that means a diet is a very good idea.
5. The etiquette coach visits. For some reason, June decided her kids needed some table manners, so she hired a prim and proper etiquette coach to come over. The woman nearly had a stroke when she saw what she was dealing with. But she remained very proper, did her job, left, probably drove home and quietly screamed into a pillow.
“The Redneck Games is a lot like the Olympics but with a lot of missing teeth and butt cracks showing.” — June
“All that vajiggle jaggle is not beautimos. You don’t see my shit hanging out … not my three bellies.” — June, on all the inappropriately dressed women at the Redneck Games.
“I hope y’all are getting that flesh-eating disease.” — Honey Boo Boo to the idiots swimming in the nasty river.
“If a person farts 10-15 times a day then they’re healthy. So I guess my girls are healthy…” — June
“We’re going to make you a pageant gay pig.” — Honey Boo Boo to her new boy pig she named Glitzy.
“Etiquette classes are for stupid people.” — Honey Boo Boo
“It’s called a biscuit because it looks like a biscuit.” — June referring to the family’s nickname for vagina. I’m not even joking.
Did you watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo? What did you think of the first two episodes?