Can you hang in Seaside Heights with the likes of Snooki and The Situation? Or would you get kicked out the door like Angelina (twice)?
You’ve got questions, we’ve got answers — just as soon as you take this quiz!
1. Who is your favorite Jersey Shore cast member?
C) The Situation
2. Which hue best describes your skin tone?
B) Healthy glow
C) Golden tan
D) Oompa Loompa
3. What’s your signature going-out look?
A) Black pants; a cute top; stilettos
B) A cute, sexy dress — but nothing too trashy
C) Graphic print t-shirt; skin tight jeans; brightly colored high top sneakers
D) A mini-dress two sizes too small with exposed undergarments; bronzer; big hair
4. Which best describes your perfect night?
A) Chillin’ at home with a bowl of popcorn and a stack of Netflix rentals
B) Playing pranks on my friends
C) Drinking at home on the deck, followed by a hot-tubbing session (bathing suits optional)
D) At the club, drunk and unruly, fist-pumpin’ and creepin’ on anything that has a pulse
5. Your roommate is having adult relations in the same room as you. What do you do?
A) Give them some personal space and go to the living room
B) Roll over the other way and crank up your iPod
C) Interrupt their sex to ask if there’s a friend you can smoosh
D) Make yourself a hoagie and take a front row seat for the show
6. How do you like to spend your Sunday evening?
A) Studying my lessons from church
B) Planning and ironing all my work outfits for the week
C) B.S.ing with my friends over some cocktails
D) Making a huge dinner and eating until I explode, then leaving the dishes to rot in the sink
7. You have to pee, but you’re not close to a bathroom. What do you do?
A) Hold it until you get home, even if you end up with a bladder infection
B) Beg a nearby restaurant to let you borrow their facilities
C) Go behind a building or a car
D) Just cop a squat where ever you are
8. Your toilet is clogged. What do you do about it?
A) When Drano doesn’t work, I call the plumber immediately. Gross!
B) I complain about it enough that someone else that I live with finally handles it
C) I try to fix it a few times, and then just say, f*** it
D) I keep using the broken toilet for weeks even though it doesn’t flush, and finally call the plumber when the entire house smells like toxic fumes
9. Which of these phrases are you most likely to use in conversation?
B) Beat up the beat
D) Gorilla juicehead
10. What qualities do you look for in your ideal man/woman?
A) A college education and a successful career
B) A decent job and a sense of humor
C) Enough money to buy me drinks; decent looks, but I can overlook that if I’m drunk enough
D) Big muscles, orange skin, DTF
11. Which best describes your nickname?
A) It’s my first name and last initial
B) It involves a hyphen (K-Dogg, B-Real)
C) It could also be a stripper’s name
D) I wish I could trademark it… people know my nickname more often than my real name
12. Which comes closest to your most embarrassing moment?
A) I got too drunk one night and made a fool of myself
B) I left a regrettable voice mail for someone I was seeing
C) I brought a guy/girl home from the bar and couldn’t remember their name
D) Nothing really embarrasses me
13. When I go out of town, people usually notice I’m from somewhere else because:
A) When they talk to me, I have a regional accent
B) I like to wear clothing that represents my ‘hood
C) My slang is like a foreign language
D) My every-day attire looks like a Halloween costume
14. When I go into the ocean, I like to take:
A) Some sort of boogie board or floaty
B) A scantily-clad sidekick
C) A fishbowl-sized Sex on the Beach and a scantily-clad sidekick
D) A drunken swagger and an expensive Gucci bag
15. If my dog pooped in the house, I would:
A) Take him to a private trainer immediately. How dare he?
B) Clean it up and move on
C) Stuff the soiled potty pads into my roommate’s pillowcase as a prank
D) Feed the dog more greasy food and encourage it to try for a bigger, grosser indoor poop next time
If you chose mostly A’s: You’re a charter member of the I.F.F.
Sure, you’ve picked up a few things here and there. But let’s face it: Anyone who reads the tabloids could use GTL in a sentence, and pretty much everyone in America has a regional accent. We hate to tell you this, but until you can live with a mountain of poop in your toilet and gawk at someone having sex five feet away from you, you’ll be on the outside looking in.
If you chose mostly B’s: You’re creepin’, but you’re not getting it in
Oh sure, you dabble in New Jersey. In fact, we commend you on your J-Woww-like nickname and your pranking prowess. If you keep working at it friends, you too, could be totally Jersey Shore. Start by shopping for club gear at the sex store, memorizing our JS glossary and bedding a few randoms — then come back and take this quiz again in a few months.
If you chose mostly C’s: You’re a stage five clinger
Should producers ever need to replace any more cast members, you are tops on the list. You’ve got the tan, the hair products and the meaty biceps to slip right into the next season without missing a beat. Just be prepared to get hazed by the rest of the crew — and don’t forget to brush up on your blowout skills!
If you chose mostly D’s: You might be Snooki
The only reason we’re positive you’re not the little meatball is because she wouldn’t have the wearwithall to read through all these questions. But you could be her slightly smarter, just-as-tan, almost-as-drunk stunt double. You probably live in New Jersey, and if you don’t, then you’re saving up your money to move there. Here’s a tip: Start banking all those dollars you’d normally spend on underwear. You won’t need them in Joisey, bro!