It was only a matter of time before Jersey Shore’s Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino balked at having a girlfriend. But even we didn’t expect that time to come quite so quickly.
Two episodes ago, he made things official with his long time hook-up, Paula Pickard, but in real time, they had only seen each other a handful of times since then. It’d maybe been a week or so?
Still, the relation-situations were already plentiful in last night’s episode:
First off, the perrenial player/petri dish just couldn’t ignore the ladies at the club. Whether Paula was there or not, he found it impossible to blow off drunk girls at the bar, instead allowing them to caress his infamous abs and rub their scantily clad nether regions all over him. He seemed to think that as long as he’s not initiating these interactions, he’s completely innocent.
Sitch’s roommates called him out his behavior, which he deemed as “adjusting to having a girlfriend.” He was all, So, you’re telling me grinding on other chicks at the club is a bad thing? Some call it grinding. I call it socializing. What a gem.
Jenni “J-Woww” Farley worried that Mike was blowing it with Paula. After all, J-Woww reasoned.”She enjoys Mike. Who the f*** can stand Mike?” We couldn’t have said it better ourselves.
The other problem: Paula apparently has a foul mouth and dirty mind — something Mike was OK with until she started unleashing it in front of the roommates. First, she threw up the ‘shocker’ hand sign at the boardwalk during a double date with Deena and Chris. (If you don’t know, Google it.) Said Sitch, “I want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets.”
While Mike was in the shower, Paula further embarrassed him by admitting to everyone she wore ass pads — kind of like cutlets for the booty — and removed them and passed them around to everyone. She also had a lengthy discussion with the roommates about various sex acts, including the shocker, the dolphin and the Superman, the latter of which was so graphic, her entire description was bleeped out. Call us out of the loop, but we Googled the Superman, too. We learned a lot from Paula last night and wish we hadn’t.
In other TMI news, Snooki gave the shocker a thumbs up. “Sometimes you’re in the mood for a shocker.” Oh God, baby Lorenzo, cover your wee ears!
Meanwhile, Deena was still coming down off her bender. Vinny took her aside and talked her out of her anxiety attack, then her parents showed up to offer some moral support. Sammi took the most harsh route, telling her she needed to get her shit together, that she had self-centered only child syndrome and that she was blowing it with her boyfriend by being too clingy.
Pauly D and Vinny suggested she masturbate to lift her mood: You’re DJ Deena. Pound it out at Club Clitoris!
In other haps, Snooki stole a stuffed animal (a leopard, a cheetah?) from a gaming machine and didn’t go to jail; the gang had a barbecue where nobody was able to eat a hot dog without making crude jokes and laughing their asses off; and the floor of the house living room is totally disgusting. Probably hasn’t been cleaned since they moved in.
With that kind of immunity building, none of these folks will ever get sick again, so maybe nobody needs to worry about venereal diseases after all.