The Situation Takes A ‘Wife’

Mike also tries to buy Snooki's love with a three-wheeled baby gift

The Situation Takes A ‘Wife’

According to most of the other Jersey Shore roommates, Deena Cortese finally earned her Seaside stripes by getting arrested for public intoxication/dancing in the street during last week’s episode.

Ronnie actually scolded Sammi for getting upset when the fuzz carted Deena off to jail. “What are you crying for? Everyone goes to the drunk tank,” he said. For some, being cuffed is a shameful experience. For the Jersey Shore folks, a rite of passage. “She’s a meatball. Of course she’s gonna get arrested!,” Snooki confirmed.

Speaking of the cops, we were kinda thinking someone should have called the fashion police on Ronnie, who was wearing a bright turquoise version of the black nerd glasses all the hipsters use as part of their uniform. But as the episode unfolded, Ron was filled with hilarious one-liners, so maybe the glasses helped him grow a brain cell or two.

Anyhoo, Sammi got over her sadness pretty quickly. She and Ron proceeded to follow Deena’s lead and do a bunch of shots in the middle of the day. “When in Rome, keep on rollin’. When in Seaside, keep on drinking,” Ronnie said, offering shrewd words of advice to be passed down through generations. “What am I gonna do?,” he continued, “Ruin MY day because she wants to dance in the middle of the street?”

Later in the day, the roomies went to go bail Deena out, but her parents were already there and surely filled with regret that they hadn’t hired a videographer to capture this stellar family moment. “There is no reason to be that drunk in the middle of the day,” her mother said. Hey mama, if that were truly the case, this show would have never existed. Just sayin’.

In other news, Jenni and Snooki went to test out mechanical scooters, the kind that handicapped people or very large people often use in the grocery store. Because you know, being pregnant and having a sprained ankle makes a person incapable of walking.

The dudes went shopping for other stuff, and The Sitch came across a Schwinn jogging stroller, which he referred to as “a monster truck lookin’ stroller.” As a peace offering, he bought it for Snooki. “It’s better than the first car you drove here,” Ronnie quipped.

Snooki loved it, but determined to still be angry with Mike, didn’t let him know.

And finally, the moment we’d all been waiting for: The Situation asked Paula to be his girlfriend. He wanted do it in a really special, memorable way. So he did what any Jersey Shore guy would do: He made it t-shirt time and had a wife beater tank top printed up that said, “Let’s Make It Official.”

“The Situation doesn’t just ordinarily ask out a girl,” Mike said. “I need to do it in a really extremely, extremely cool way. I’m going to wear it to our date, and then open up my button down shirt like, BAM!”

Be still my heart.

Mediocre minds think alike, though, and Paula LOVED the idea. “Mike and Paula are a perfect match,” said Vinny. “They are both space cadets, they both say the stupidist sh*t ever and they both have the attention space of a goldfish.” Word.

But leave it to Ronnie to say what we were all really thinking: “I didn’t even know Paula could read.”

Do you think The Sitch can be a faithful boyfriend, or is a player always gonna be a player?