Big Ang: Surprise Party and Cabana Boy!

Ang celebrates July birthdays with parties and pool boys!

Big Ang: Surprise Party and Cabana Boy!

This week Big Ang wants to throw a surprise birthday party for her sister Janine. So she conspires with Janine’s husband but neither is very good about keeping secrets. To distract Janine, Ang takes her over to her new house where she holds auditions for a new pool boy. Yes, apparently they really do exist.

The first guy shows up and he’s a good looking guy named Vinny (of course). Janine tells him Ang is looking to have him service her pool. “Service the pool – and me,” Ang corrects her. “Wow,” says Vinny uncomfortably. Ang continues, “Make me a drink, get me a towel…” Janine interrupts,”That’s a cabana boy!”

“Put oil on me, and come in the hot tub with me…”

“I’m a pool boy, I’m not a cabana boy,” says Vinny with a nervous laugh. “Strictly business.”

“Strictly business?! No, no, no, I want frisky business!” And with that, Vinny is sent on his merry way.

The second guy shows up and he seems more than willing to fulfill Big Ang’s desires. “Fan you, feed you grapes?” he inquires happily. Then he asks for $200/day.

NEXT!

Guy #3 shows up and he is barely legal. Apparently third time is not always the charm.

NEXT!

Guy #4, Dean, is a blonde, tan young thing and when he introduces himself my gaydar goes bonkers. He seems willing to pamper Ang poolside and says he makes a mean sangria. Sold! To the broad with the tig ol’ bitties!

Meanwhile, Linda wants to celebrate she and Ang’s birthdays by going to a motorcycle class to learn to ride. Ang is freaked. She straddles the bike as the instructor explains how to ride it. She decides it’s just not for her, before even moving an inch. Linda on the otherhand, cruises around the parking lot at a snail’s pace. Ang decides she wants to ride bitch with Linda and both women circle the lot with their feet dragging near the ground. (A big no-no when riding a bike.)

Ang takes Janine to get pampered while Janine’s husband prepares for the surprise party at her house. Ang leaves midway through the pampering and tells Janine she must stay put. Then she sneaks off to Janine’s house to help get the party rolling.

Then comes the rain. It’s supposed to be a pool party.

Janine’s husband picks her up from the spa and brings her back home where the party guests wait. “Surprise!” …and the out of control, drunken mess of a party is on. The alcohol flows and the sisters get mushy before kicking the party into full swing. Screw the rain, everyone is dancing in it, chugging from bottles, getting soaked. No one cares by midnight. They’re all completely wasted. At least there were no stitches involved this time…

The next day, Dean, the gay pool boy, comes over and takes care of Ang, Little Jen and Linda poolside. A little hair of the dog, Dean brings over three shots of Patron. He lights Ang’s cigarettes, he feeds her grapes. The women coo over their new gay blonde cabana boy. Dude only asked for $7 an hour. WTF!?

Big Ang Cabana Boy Party

Neil, Ang’s quasi-husband, comes outside to see Dean putting oil on the ladies’ backs. “What do you need a pool boy for?” he asks. “This is my birthday present to me because you didn’t buy me one!” Ang snaps back. Dean continues fanning Ang in the heat.

“It’s coming!” Neil promises (yeah right) and the women nag him until he takes his dumpy ass back to the house. Sorry Neil, but a $7/hour gay pool boy trumps your Baby Huey ass!

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