“Every time I go on vacation I spend all the money. I don’t even care,” says Big Ang during the opening of Season 1, episode 4, and we learn that she and her homies, Little Jen and Linda, are headed to Florida to raise some hell.
The day before the trip the women get together to drink to celebrate their trip. Big Ang says they like to “get whacked” the day before a big trip so they can get “re-whacked” on the plane the next day. As they drink, they talk about drinking. “When we go we should buy a case of champagne so we can start every morning off with mimosas,” Little Jen suggests, because breakfast just isn’t breakfast without a little booze. Or any task for that matter. Linda asks everyone to take care of her while on vacation because she might “marry someone down there.” Little Jen says, “And I might actually have sex.”
The women continue drinking and the discussion moves from their upcoming trip to their whacked out vacations of the past and Little Jen can’t recall a trip they took together to Cancun. “How could you?” asks Linda. “You were valiumed out!” The women vow to remember this vacation.
Before the trip Big Ang goes for her routine botox injection, which she gets every THREE WEEKS. Yeah, she’s just a little obsessed with botox, like we are obsessed with her face. Her doctor tells her she looks good and doesn’t need any injections at this time. Then she laughs as she asks Ang, “Are you getting addicted?” Ang doesn’t lie. “Anything that makes you look good, I’m addicted to!” The doctor then decides to fill some “shadows” on Ang’s face with filler and then says to come back in 6-months. Ang’s smile disappears, but we’re sure she’ll be back in another 3-weeks.
To show-off her manufactured body while in Florida, Ang decides she needs some new bikinis. Of course she needs them to be custom made, and the bikini tailor visits her for measurements as she shows her the latest styles. Ang gets her measurement taken and they are: 34 hip 34 back and 45 bust. POW!
Ang then starts talking about all the money is spending during the move into her new home. She says she spent $2,400 at Bed Bath & Beyond and has more than $30,000 of furniture on the way. “Work hard, play hard. Spend more money. Got dat?”
The day of the big Florida trip arrives and the women arrive at their destination, The Ocean Manor, a place where her uncle Sal used to stay. Keeping it mob, yo. Ang says she stays here all the time so she is ugraded to the penthouse suite. (In all actuality I bet VH1 had more of a hand in it than her reputation.) They tour the place and Linda imagines having sex in each of the rooms. She paints disturbing visuals.
Big Ang is having a cocktail party in the condo later so she goes to the store to load up on liquor. We see her wheeling in a shopping cart full of booze. As she and the ladies get the party set up Ang’s sometime husband Neil shows up looking tan and wearing a supertight white t-shirt. Little Jen is all over him. Ang points out that Jen really needs to get laid if Neil is looking good to her. I agree, he creeps me out with his lurking and weird stare. Ang musta been whacked the night she said “I do” to this clown.
The party gets underway and it’s an alcoholic’s dream. Free flowing hard liquor, champagne and wine everywhere, Laura is chugging Patron and as she always does, starts dancing like a cracked out, old stripper. Licking her fingers before running them over her clamato, dry humping random men, and grabbing her friends’ boobs. But it’s the licking the fingers that grosses me out the most.
During the party Ang tells a friend that she needs to go to the casino to win back all the money she spent (about $3,000) on the cocktail party. Sounds brilliant enough, right?
The next morning the women are totally hungover but decide to kill the pain with some poolside time and a little hair of the dog. Shots of Jager for breakfast. Little Jen starts talking about not having sex in 6-years. She starts hitting on Anthony (Ang’s bartender at The Drunken Monkey, who’s also along for the trip) and Anthony quickly deflects the attention from himself, saying he has a friend who might be interested. Out walks the friend, a gray haired guy with glasses, who asks, “6-years? Was she in jail?” Time for another shot of Jager. “Here’s to you getting laid!”
Determined to spend every coin that VH1 is giving her (and then some), Big Ang hunts for a new, beachfront condo while on vacation. What’s another few hundred thousand? Ang’s sister Janine freaks when she learns Ang is buying a condo and tells her she just received an $11,000 bil for furniture for one room in Ang’s new place. You see, her sister does the finances, Ang just blows the money.
Ang, Jen and Linda head to the casino and drink (duh) and play slots, electronic roulette and cards. They leave busted. Ang starts thinking a condo isn’t such a good idea afterall.
To end the lavish trip, Ang and gal pals head out on a 73-foot yacht, apparently lent to Ang by who knows (VH1). Jen is fascinated with the windows below deck that can see into the water. She says there’s a window in the bathroom. She adds that she “took the best dump of my life,” while looking out the window. Nothing is sacred.
During the cruise the Captain lets Ang take over the wheel after she’s probably 4 or 5 drinks deep. We wonder why she is wearing that hideous 1980s pantsuit. Once she’s all lubricated with booze she tells everyone that she has made a decision. She’s buying the condo after all. Why do I have a feeling I’ll be writing about her bankruptcy in a couple years?
Next week on Big Ang she and the girls head to Atlantic City for more booze, boobs and money spending. Oh, and Big Ang’s son AJ will accompany them. I wonder if he sold cocaine to fund his gambling during the trip?