After a summer chock full of crazy, drunken antics, Big Ang is about to go out with a bang. During it’s season one finale on Sunday, Ang obssesses about getting a massive ring – even if she has to buy it herself.
Ang and dopey hubby Neil got married so fast that they were never engaged, which means Ang never got a huge, gaudy engagement ring. She and Laura head to the jewelers and start fawning over rings. The only one that really catches Ang’s attention is a 15-carat yellow diamond. When they inquire about the price, the jeweler says it’s worth a whopping $750,000. Laura reminds Ang, “You deserve the fricking ring,” and Ang nods in agreement.
Little Jen is making the ladies dinner but sadly she’s an Italian who can’t cook. Probably because she still lives at home, despite pushing 50-years-old. She pan cooks greasy, burned grilled cheese sandwiches one at a time. “My mother doesn’t like it when I use the good pots,” she says. So the sandwiches stick to the cheap pan.
Instead of eating, the women drink lots of wine and talk about A.J.’s run in with the law. Ang tells her friends she is super excited for him to move home after he completes rehab. She says she plans on having a huge party in his honor on Saturday when he gets an 11-hour pass to come home. Laura suggests Ang get him a stripper. Little Jen begs to differ. “Well, no, because when you get a stripper you wanna get high and party. C’mon. Sex, drugs and rock n’ roll.”
The conversation moves to Big Ang’s new tanning/beauty salon and the ladies learn that Ang spent over $10,000 on the neon sign alone. “I swear to God, your life is a roller coaster, ” says Little Jen. “I prefer….a party!” replies Ang. And with that, the women toast to each other with their 1986 braided-stem wine glasses that belong to Jen’s parents.
For it’s grand opening, Ang takes the girls to her new salon, which has been named, “Big Ang’s Secret”. Uh, move over, Victoria. The sign is huge, pink and tacky. Like Ang’s lips.
The decor of the salon screams “ANG” with zebra print everything, hot pink accents and a huge painting of her massive flounder lips in the waiting area. Customers arrive and it’s pink champagne and Patron for all. Time to get customers lubed up so they spend their money more freely…right? Suddenly the place is like a nightclub. “Anyone want to know what Ang’s “secret is?” Janine yells over the crowd. “Her secret is….to make money!”
Showing her support, Renee Graziano of the original Mob Wives cast shows up to fuss over Ang’s new salon and the tacky “lips” jewelry.
Back at The Drunken Monkey, another Mob Wives O.G. cast memeber, Drita, stops by to see how Ang has been doing. Ang dishes about AJ being in rehab and Drita tells her that she respects him for doing something for himself in this situation. Ang tells her that rehab has changed him for the better and that he looks “like a different person.” She then invites Drita to the pool party in his honor. Drita promises to come. (Seeing Renee and Drita makes me realize how much I miss those crazy Mob Wives bitches!)
Later at home, Ang and Neil have dinner and Ang whines about not having a huge engagement ring. She is obviously not going to let it go. She smokes over her dinner plate as she tries to sell Neil on the idea. Neil, however, prefers the idea of getting tattooed rings. “It’d be much cheaper that way,” he says. Ang is not impressed.
“This is why I miss the wise guys. Because when you walk in, there’s always something on the table waiting for you,” she tells us. Her husband’s sanitation job just isn’t supporting Ang’s massive spending habits. Thank God for VH1, right?
Saturday comes and Ang prepares for A.J.’s party. Food arrives and the guy doing the delivering about shits himself when Ang opens the door wearing a colorful robe with her huge tits hanging out.
A.J. calls Ang from the rehab center and he informs her that he cannot leave the facility because it’s on lockdown. Her heart is broken. But whatevs, at least they can drink now.
Ang’s BFF crew shows up and the women are excited to see A.J. but instead find Ang in a heap, pouting about her son not being able to visit. They convince Ang to drink up and party, because “that’s what he would want you to do.”
Drag queens, little people, slutty male bartenders and O.G. Mob Wives show up. It’s not long before Renee Graziano jumps in the pool with all her makeup and baubles on, screaming about how she is single now. Come git some.
Before long everyone is whacked, dancing, and wearing Big Ang wax lips. During the chaos, Neil calls Janine up to the house. “I wanna show you something,” he says. And I can’t help but wonder if it’s his OUTIE bellybutton. Because LOOK AT THAT THING! It is literally poking through his shirt! Or is it a hernia?! WTF is THAT!?
Neil shows Janine the diamond ring he bought Ang and she is impressed, as I am with that freakish bellybutton.
Down at the pool Renee is making out furiously with slutty bartender Frank, the same guy who always flirts with the old, wasted MILFs and GILFs.
Neil finally returns to the party and announces that he has something to tell everyone. He hands Ang a Chinese takeout box and she opens it to find a huge ring inside. He musta robbed a bank or something. Or it’s cubic zirconia. That thing must be 8-carats!
“Can I say the word ‘wife’ now? He asks. “No,” she shakes her head.
It must be the outtie.
What did you think of Big Ang Season One? No word on if there will be a Season Two just yet, but when and if there is, we’ll keep you in the know! In the meantime, we’re anxiously awaiting January when the original cast of Mob Wives returns for their third season. January 2013! As long as the Mayans were wrong, we’ll be covering it all here. See you then!