It’s been a busy weekend, and we sure are tired. So it was nice to watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta be busy-bodies, while we kicked back on our couch and snacked on the last of our Thanksgiving treats. (And after seeing last night’s show, let us say that we were incredibly thankful that Kenya and Porsha weren’t involved in making our turkey day meals.)
It was a week where everyone in Hotlanta was moving, literally and figuratively. Hey man, better them than us. Thanksgiving 2012 wore us out, y’all.
Here are the top 10 moments from last night’s show:
1. Back to the townhouse
Much of the episode centered around Kim’s big move back into her old place, and what a freakin’ nightmare it was. We agree that moving sucks, but hey. She had movers packing it all up for her, so that’s less of a pain than most people endure. Also, she has more stuff than anyone we’ve ever seen. First world problems, yo.
2. Kandi’s new digs
Kandi continued moving into her dream home this week, with dear ol’ moms hinting that she’d like to move in, too. But being that Kandi has this new boyfriend, she chose to ignore the hints, and we can’t say we blame her.
3. Apollo: Jack of all trades, master of none?
When we first met Apollo, we thought he was a repo man or something. As he cut Ayden’s hair last night, Phaedra said he was a master barber. He’s also a nutritionist and personal trainer. Question is: Can he do any of these things well?
4. Ayden’s 2nd birthday “experience”
Queen of over the top parties, Phaedra threw another ridiculously extravagant party — with Dwight, the party planner, at the helm — for Ayden’s second birthday. “It’s not a party,” she explained, “it’s an experience.” Held at the Georgia Aquarium, Phaedra & Co. arrived to the (indoor) party in a choo-choo train. After some festivities, the group enjoyed a lengthy, private dolphin show/theater production, where everyone, including Ayden yawned and looked bored to tears. Said the toddler of his soiree, “I’m sleepy.”
Apparently, nobody told her that toddlers, and even some adults, have the attention span of a goldfish.
5. Porsha dishes on Kenya
After last week’s standoff between the new girls, Porsha told her husband about her night with Kenya, calling her “an older lady” who “maybe has low self-esteem.” Her husband wanted to make sure she had apologized for getting Kenya’s beauty pageant title wrong, but beyond that, backed his wife up 100 percent. In this scene, we also learned that Porsha can’t bake biscuits without burning them. Pro tip: Set the timer, girlfriend.
6. Walter meets the fam
Kenya dragged her boyfriend out to meet her entire family, and long story short, they approved. They all interrogated him about his views on marriage, and when he said he wasn’t gonna just jump into marriage without knowing he was really, truly in love, they applauded him. Kenya, meanwhile, looked annoyed. Who cares if it’s real? She just wants a ring and a baby immediately.
7. Kenya cooks
This was, by far, the best part of the show. In an attempt to win Walter’s heart and a diamond through his stomach, Kenya cooked Walter a nice, romantic meal. And by cooked, we mean she heated up two frozen meals from Trader Joe’s and put them on a plate, and emptied a prepared salad into bowls. Nothing wrong with that.
But here’s the kicker: Instead of just saying, ‘thank you’ when he complimented her meal, she went on and on about how it took her all day to prepare it. She had to marinate the chicken, fix the pasta, blah, blah, blah. She promised to do this every night for him — didn’t that prove she was ready to be a wife?
Then she dropped some more subtle hints hist way: “I want a baby, like, yesterday. If I could be nine months pregnant right now, I would be. I’m not trying to pressure you or anything. But I want to get married first. 5 and a half. That ain’t my shoe size, and it sure as hell ain’t my bra size as you can see.”
Maybe he can give her a big, fat, cubic zirconia ring and tell her how he worked an entire year to pay for it.
8. Cynthia confronts Phaedra
NeNe somehow got a recording of Phaedra saying she “didn’t give a f***” if Cynthia made it to Ayden’s party. Cynthia wanted to confront her about it — by the way, who is this new Cynthia that confronts everyone this season? — and Phaedra used classic lawyer diversion tactic. “I really don’t recall having that conversation,” she said. “Oooh, something just bit me! My boob is itching.”
For the record, we don’t give a f*** about any of this stupidity. And my boob is itching.
9. Everyone is sick of Kim’s excuses
Apparently, Kim keeps bagging out on, or leaving events early, and the other women are upset by this which is so freakin’ ridiculous. A. Kim has a baby AND is seven months pregnant AND her husband is traveling for work AND she is in the middle of moving. If ever there were an excuse for being too busy/tired/stressed out, this is it. B. I’d rather hang out with my own children than this group of drama queens any day.
10. Kim’s homecoming
Kim finally arrived at her townhouse to find everything in box. Of course, her wigs were all accounted for, and already on display. And shortly after she arrived, so did a huge moving truck with the $40K of landscaping that she had done on the rental house. Hope she donated them, because she sure can’t plant palm trees in her townhouse driveway.
Do you think Kenya is going to scare Walter away?