So, we could recap all the tired events from last night’s Real Housewives of New York (and we will, briefly), but let’s start with what everyone is thinking after Monday’s show:
Aviva Drescher’s dad is totally freakin’ awesome. Reality show gold! The aging, bronzed Miami man with giant white teeth says what’s on his mind and doesn’t apologize for it. He is everything that terrible sitcom S#!@ My Dad Says wanted to be but wasn’t. Aviva says Pops is a sex addict (!) and wants to set him up with Sonja Morgan.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We first met Aviva’s dad as she and her family went to their gorgeous condo in Miami. Here are some of the things he said during their visit:
– To Aviva: “You have a really nice tan. If I weren’t your father, I’d be after you.”
– To Aviva’s mother-in-law, on where she resides: “I don’t like Boca. People go to Boca to die. Boca is God’s waiting room. It is a Hebrew home for the aged. Boca is old fart Jewish colony. They migrated from the five towns in Long Island to Boca.” He really knows how to turn on the charm, doesn’t he?
– When Aviva mentioned setting him up with Sonja, she told him Sonja was from New York and very sexual. He goes, “Fabulous! You know why? I want to meet a sophisticated woman again. The girls here are lusty and beautiful, but they are not sophisticated like a woman from New York.”
– Aviva nailed home the point that Sonja loved sex. “Doesn’t everybody love it?,” he said. “If you get sex, you don’t become angry.” Aviva’s MIL responded by saying that she’s always happy and never gets angry. Aviva’s dad fired back: “You must have a good vibrator!”
– Finally, Aviva’s dad told her to order the delicious $25 Kobe beef hot dog at a restaurant she and Reid were going to with Ramona and Mario. When it arrived at the table, it was literally about 18 inches long, HUGE in diameter. In short (er, in long?), it was the most vulgar thing I’ve ever seen served in a restaurant. Somewhere, probably wearing a neon thong on the beach, her dad was laughing his golden ass off.
Man, I can’t wait to see this dude and Sonja have a conversation. He was more entertaining in two segments than most of these ladies have been all season.
Speaking of the others, here’s what else went down:
– Heather Thomson and one of her experts helped Sonja with the branding for her new businesses. They didn’t exactly meet eye to eye at first. The scene was meant to manufacture a little drama and resentment, but it was boring, and trust me, you wouldn’t care.
– LuAnn de Lesseps had a wine tasting event, and subjected Ramona to a blind taste test of her own wine. While Ramona rocked it out on identifying the notes in the wine, she said she it was only OK and that her Ramona pinot grigio was better. Oopsie! But everyone thought it was bull that LuAnn set her up like that.
– Aviva invited Sonja and Ramona to come stay at their condo in Miami, as they had a couple of extra rooms. Turns out Carole Radziwill was also going to be there at the same time to visit a friend. So this time, Heather and LuAnn were left behind on a trip, but they really didn’t care. And we didn’t either.
– Heather wanted to have her eyebrows waxed during a coffee date with LuAnn. LuAnn was surprised to hear that her brows weren’t totally awesome, since she fancies herself flawless. “Who knew my brows were just OK? I’ve always been told they were fabulous!” Anyway, she got them done and, with each rip, whined like someone was cutting off one of her fingers.
– During the brow beating, Heather tried to gently tell her why the others found her annoying. She didn’t get it. LuAnn thinks her (prickly) personality is just as perfect as her (furry) eyebrows.
Do you think Heather means well by trying to force everyone’s grievances out? Or is she butting in where she doesn’t belong?