Oh, for heaven’s sake, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Just one time, can you triflin’ women just eat and enjoy a flippin’ dinner instead of ruining it with your constant bellyaching? You’d think they worked up an appetite in Brandi’s stripping class — I mean, just look at them in that picture up there! — but as it turns out, spite and secret-spilling is just as filling as an actual meal.
In Monday’s episode, the ladies wasted more gourmet vittles in Las Vegas before heading back home to continue making each other miserable in familiar environs. After they sat down around the table, they managed made pleasant chit-chat for a few minutes. And then Brandi Glanville changed the subject to Kim Richards, who had called earlier that day to tell Kyle she planned to get a nose job in like, 10 minutes. The women wondered aloud how Kim could remain sober when she would obviously need pain meds after the surgery.
Why would she do the nose job now?, asked Lisa.
She hasn’t been successful with sobriety in the past!, observed Yolanda.
The medication could awaken the beast!, warned Brandi’s friend, who is an addiction specialist.
Kyle, your sister could be spiraling into a drug-induced stupor RIGHT NOW, and isn’t this salad SO delicious?! Hey, why the long face, Kyle?
In order to make everyone else as miserable as she, Kyle was all, Gosh, I really miss Adrienne Maloof, don’t you? It doesn’t feel the same being in Las Vegas without her.
Camille Grammer agreed, and then … wait for it … all hell broke loose. Brandi said that last year, when she called Camille for advice about the reunion show, Camille told her that Adrienne planned to attack Lisa at the reunion, but didn’t warn her. Camille was like, “Stop lying!” Brandi insisted it was true, and Camille got pissed, and said, “I can handle this, but I will not stand for it,” before standing up and walking out.
Kyle chased her down and coaxed her back inside. Back at the table, Camille insisted she only calmed Brandi’s nerves about filming the show during that phone call, and that she had no clue about Adrienne’s plan to accuse Lisa of selling stories to tabloids.
Then, out of spite, Brandi goes, “Adrienne doesn’t own The Palms! She only owes two percent of The Palms!” Everyone gasped, as though she had just said “Adrienne just rode past the window on a unicorn while playing the ukelele.”
Kyle turned on Brandi: “You said before you didn’t have your nose done and YOU DID.”
“No, I didn’t,” said Brandi.
“Yes, you did!”
Then Lisa piped in about something or other, and Camille goes, “You don’t even own all of your restaurants. You don’t own Sur!” Then the topic turned back to Adrienne vs. Brandi, blah, blah, blah, blahbitty blah. It’s hard to keep it all straight, plus, we’ve heard it all before.
Which is exactly what Yolanda said. She told Kyle that Adrienne chose to stay home, and that everyone knew where Kyle stood, and to shut her piehole so they could enjoy dinner. Camille’s piehole was in need of some duct-tape, too, for that matter, she said.
Camille unleashed on Yolanda, even though she was basically agreeing with what she just said.
Then Yolanda shushed her like she was scolding a small child.
With that, dinner was served and Yolanda excused herself to go catch the private jet that her husband sent for her. “My time is precious,” she said. “Why would I come here to hear a bunch of girls scream at each other?” Um, because you’re required to by Bravo’s contract?
Two of the other ladies were flying with her, so with that, another meal went uneaten. No wonder these biddies are so skinny.
Adrienne at home: Adrienne went to a meeting to discuss her new handbag line, and took a few jabs at Brandi during her camera time. I have a shoe and hand bag line… Brandi rides a stripper pole. “I hope Brandi is having fun in Vegas, I have a business to run.”
Also, Adrienne supervised while Paul get his back hair lasered. It was almost as awesome as the time he got a colonoscopy on camera. And by awesome, we mean revolting.
Kim’s nose job: When the doc asked Kim if she had any questions before her surgery, she hit him with some incredibly important medical queries: “Are you happy today? Did you rest a lot last night? Did you have a beautiful weekend?”
When Kyle returned to town, she went to Kim’s house to see how she was doing, Kim said she hadn’t yet needed to take any painkillers, which we find hard to believe, based on this goofy photo.
Just kidding. She actually seemed coherent, so good for her.
Lisa’s hurt feelings: At home, Lisa and Ken and their furball brigade had a backyard tea party. Lisa complained to Ken that Kyle never sticks up for her, abut had no complaints that Ken and Jiggy both looked like Prince in Purple Rain.
Next week: Brandi and Adrienne finally stop beating around the bush and have it out and Lisa questions Kyle’s loyalty.