Get ready for a steamy, spicy rumble, folks. The Real Housewives of Miami spent this week’s episode setting the stage for a couple of big arguments that will (hopefully) play out in next week’s show.
This week, Joanna’s sister, Marta, got one step closer to moving out, which — according to previews — will clear Joanna’s schedule to snoop in Romain’s computer for evidence of cheating. And everyone talked a whole bunch more smack about Karent this week — so much that the other women were like, Adriana, why don’t you just talk to her about it? In other words, None of us can stand her, except maybe Joanna, so why don’t you do our dirty work?
If you were being all political and watching the vice presidential debates, here’s what you missed:
1. Romain v. Marta
Joanna asked her fiance and sister to make peace so that their living situation wouldn’t be so miserable. Romain told Marta he doesn’t mind her staying with them as long as she helps out sometimes. Like, pick up some groceries or clean the kitchen every once in a while. Before pulling out her best attempt at sobbing, Joanna replied, “I just mopped the floor a couple of days ago. … In my field, which is music and acting, it’s harder to get a job.”
Uh, I think that’s his point, Marta. You have time to hook up a dinner salad every now and then, or maybe do some laundry.
At that point in the convo, they both decided it would be better for everyone’s relationships if Marta stayed at Lisa’s house. Marta told Joanna later, and she cried very carefully, so as not to disrupt her mascara.
2. Joanna attempts to cook
Jo went over to Ana’s house for a quick cooking lesson, and her kitchen skills are even worse than we imagined. Then again, models don’t eat, so she probably hasn’t ever had to learn. Joanna’s attempt at dicing an onion was as bad as when Lisa Vanderpump tried to teach Adrienne Maloof to cook a chicken on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Except chicken is a little more involved than an onion, so Joanna is the big loser here.
3. Service with a (large) smile
Rodolfo returned to town, with a big sore that may or may not have been herpes on his lip, and Karent’s overkill attempt to wait on him hand and foot was hilarious. As he lounged by the pool, she delivered him a Diet Coke, no ice, and asked him “Do you get that kind of service anywhere else?” He was all, “Yeah. Everywhere.” Aaaaand, scene.
4. Karent is the odd (wo)man out
All the ladies attended a gala, at which a local Miami celeb, Thomas Kramer, was present. Most of the ‘wives claimed to have known the wealthy real estate mogul for decades, and were irritated when Karent was all up in his set the whole time. They all had a pissing contest over who should be invited to his after party, and were irritated when Karent acted as though she was the only one he asked. (The real question here is, why is everyone so hot to trot for this creepy, old rich guy in the smoking jacket? It’s not like Brad Pitt was asking them over.)
The other women complained that Karent is a media whore who is always trying too hard, tweeting too much, and trying to hop into other people’s pictures and conversations waaay too often. New nickname: “Eager Beaver.” And to be fair, she IS the only dentist I’ve ever heard of that has a publicist.
Adriana plans to confront Karent about her desperate behavior in next week’s episode — and at the end of last night’s show, Joanna called Karent to give her the heads up. Karent didn’t seem that worried, though. “If she really wants a battle in education, at the end of the day, I’m a doctor.”
All that was fine and good, but Karent and Rodolfo’s extreme PDA was the polarizing moment for us. In order to “prove” they were a couple, they licked each other’s tongues, at length, at the gala. Thanks for helping me out with my diet plan, you two. I won’t be hungry for at least a week.
5. Lisa bathes her dogs in a red string bikini
Not that we even need to elaborate on that, but it’s worth noting that the dog’s bathing areas are better than most people’s best bathrooms. Lisa’s huge pooch got clean in a fancy, jetted, soaker tub, while she washed the little one in a walk-in shower big enough for 10 people. Their dog houses probably look like the house we live in, and we don’t even want to see what they’re having for dinner. Sirloin tips, anyone?
Do you think Karent is annoying, or are the other ladies over-reacting?