Since half the cast of The Real Housewives of Miami has turned over since season one, last night’s season two premiere was a lot like starting from scratch. Especially considering the first season was so boring, we stopped watching after the first few episodes.
So, we’re just going to pretend like season one never happened, and hope the Miami Housewives prove to be as spicy as they promise. Last night’s episode spent a lot of time (re)introducing the women, so this week, we’re just going to rank them based on first impressions.
First impression: Old money, fresh jealousy, seems slightly out of place with this group.
Bought a house in coveted Star Island, but it’s in a state of disrepair and needs renovations. She wonders who bought the fabulous house down the street — the one she wanted, but it wasn’t for sale at the time. She finds out it’s…
First impression: Plastic, privileged, party girl.
The wife of a plastic surgeon dubbed “the boob god,” jobless Lisa describes herself as a professional shopper and a walking business card for her husband. The couple just bought one of the biggest houses on Star Island, and apparently, plan to throw a bunch of wild parties there.
She says, “Other people would consider me spoiled, but that’s because they don’t know me. But if they knew me, they’d find that was probably true.” Then she laughs.
First impression: The only reason she’s on this show is because her mom is a kook.
The most interesting things that happened with Marysol last night were A) that her mom’s dog went missing for 24 hours, and then it was found in a closet; and B) her mom passed out at a party and had to be hauled away in an ambulance.
First impression: High maintenance; thinks she’s more refined than everyone else.
We want to like Adriana because she’s an art dealer, which we find interesting. But when her fiance told her they’d be moving to a huge yacht, and she demanded the yacht have a baby grand piano and a walk-in closet, we realized there was no way she could be the voice of reason on this show.
First impression: One of the smartest people on RHOM, but not smart enough to sort out the messy situation with her soon-to-be ex-husband.
So, Ana is divorcing her spouse, a decision we understood the moment he said something about “smothering ribs on (his) dirty penis.” But she still has him over for dinner several times a week, and — wait for it — they work together in what appears to be a two-person office. And he has a girlfriend. What the hell is going on here?
First impression: Supermodel, super bitch.
We actually know who Joanna Krupa is, mostly because she was on Dancing With the Stars a few seasons back. Anyhow, she’s gorgeous, but based on the first episode, it looks like she can also be a raging bitch. Joanna also readily admits, “If I have too much to drink, sometimes I get a little out of hand.” Sounds like a person who can make this show worth watching!
First impression: Smart, poised, ready to mark her territory.
Apparently, Karent is “dentist to the stars,” but she’s got all kinds of other hot mess going on, and it will probably make her an intriguing addition to the show. For one, her parents live with her in her sprawling mansion. Second, she’s dating a the star of a Latin soap opera (have you ever watched a telenovela? They are ten kinds of awesome!), who has allegedly tried to pick up on at least one other Housewife (Ana).
While Karent said she’s not threatened, you can tell she’s also not gonna put up with any crap. A former beauty pageant queen, Karent can probably get all Honey Boo Boo on that ass if she needs to.
Are you excited for this season? Who do you think will get in the first bitch match?