It’s amazing how a little bit of alcohol can make a beautiful person appear to be an ugly lunatic. But top model Joanna Krupa reminded us how quickly sipping on a cocktail can go from sexy to totally effin’ nuts during the most recent installment of The Real Housewives of Miami. To which we say, thank you, alcohol! We have seen what will surely be a Top 10 crazy moment of the season.
Joanna’s fiance, Romain, was celebrating a big day: Getting his U.S. citizenship, as well as the 10th anniversary of his nightclub, Mynt. Naturally, Joanna started imbibing over at Lisa Hochstein’s mansion (“The house that boobs built”), as Lisa offered to have a little pre-funk gathering before the women headed out for the night.
When they were at the club, luxuriating in VIP, Romain said the security staff wasn’t going to look after the group because they were still traumatized from the last time Joanna got drunk there and acted a fool. Something about her throwing tampons at people. Side note: She is going to be an awesome addition to this cast.
However, on this night, Joanna left her Tampax in her clutch, instead opting to hurl some f-bombs upon seeing her sister’s ex. (The back story is that Joanna’s sister, Marta, used to date the DJ at Mynt, but he cheated on her and broke her heart. Raise your hand if it surprises you that a DJ who is surrounded by women at a nightclub would cheat.) Anyhoo, Joanna went back to their table in VIP and started
slurring screaming “I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! I f***ing can’t stand him!” Wash, rinse, repeat. “He shouldn’t even BE HERE!” Uhhhh, last we checked, a nightclub needs a DJ, toots.
The other wives were like, chill the eff out and mind your own business, while Romain was all, thanks for ruining my night and embarrassing me at work, before storming off down the street. But Marta was probably the most upset of all because this isn’t junior high and she doesn’t need her older sister trying to stick up for her. So much more dignified to appear indifferent.
Other highlights from last night’s show:
– While Joanna was off having her drunken tirade, Adriana De Moura was pushing her boobs all up on Romain and trying to entice him to give brunettes a chance. His ding dong may have a forest, but he’s a heckuva a lot more appealing than Adriana’s aging Frenchman.
– Lisa went to lounge out by her pool and invited her enormous dog up on the lounge chair with her. Love! This dog is sooooo much cooler than Lisa Vanderpump’s Giggy. Anyway, Lisa was also drinking double vodka Red Bull cocktails before noon, and reapplying her makeup because, you know, some of lipstick came off while drinking. Tough life.
– Karent Sierra Skyped with her Latin actor boyfriend, who wholeheartedly denied having any text exchanges with Ana Quincoces. Like a lovesick little puppy dog, Karent said, “I am totally secure in our relationship.” He said, “I don’t want to hear any more of these stupid stories.” Which means, of course, she’s eventually going to get screwed over big time.
– Ana spent the day crying because she and her current boyfriend had an argument about why she won’t just get divorced already. Shortly after applying Preparation H under her eyes to reduce swelling, her husband came over to raid her refrigerator and drink her beer. Maybe she should throw some hemorrhoid cream on her husband and see if he disappears.
– Lea Black started to plan her annual charity event, at which there was a whole bunch of drama between her and Marysol Patton last season. So, we’re sure that will all be drudged up again, because if there’s one thing we’ve learned from watching these shows, it’s that the hatchet never truly gets buried.
– If there’s one thing everyone in America is asking today, it’s “How can I get an application to be Lea’s maid?” In scenes last night, Lea revealed that A) Her maid lived in gorgeous guest quarters on her property; B) Does not actually do much, if any, cleaning; C) Has Lea come up to fix her hair; and D) Goes swimming in the family pool while Lea has two part-time housekeepers tidy her home. Um, WHAT? Granted, Lea’s idea of “fixing her hair” was more like giving her the hairdo of a six-year-old child, but I’d settle for that ‘do if it meant I could get paid to do Jack shit and live in a fat pad. That’s what sun hats are for.
Who’s your favorite new housewife so far?