You can say a lot of things about Teresa Giudice — and trust us, we have — but she’s got one thing going for her. Despite her insanely tiny forehead and notoriously big attitude, she is a hot mama, whose body has miraculously bounced back into bikini shape after four kids.
That’s one of the reasons it pained us to see her constantly begging her cretin husband to bang her during last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. He should be begging her. But instead, Juicy Joe was dragging his knuckles off to a secluded place to take a phone call from “a co-worker,” which in itself is suspicious. I mean, honestly, does this guy even HAVE a job these days? But the general consensus was that he was probably talking to a mistress.
When Teresa walked over to him, he whispered into the phone, “Here comes my bitch wife. She is such a c***!” Um, this guy just called his OWN wife the C-WORD? The c-bomb is a special word that should be used sparingly, if at all, and only when a stranger or acquaintance — not your WIFE — does something totally vile, like take cuts into the huge checkout line at Macy’s during a One Day Sale.
When she got over to him, he asked “what the f*** do you want?” and called her a “f***ing pain in the ass.” What’s the male version of the c-word? Because that’s what describes Joe Giudice, especially if that wasn’t Bravo’s tricky editing and he was actually taking a call from an alleged mistress while being filmed.
Then afterward, Teresa was BEGGING HIM to have sex with her in the grape field. She was totally wrapping her legs around the pudgy area where his waist would be and he was blowing her off. Hooray for not having sex in public, though, Joe. We’ll give you a tiny bit of credit for that.
The Giudices were busy making our stomachs turn all night. During one group dinner, Joe was like, “I’m gonna eat this cheese, but in 15 minutes, I’m gonna be runnin’ to the toilet.” And when Teresa was trying to entice Juicy Joe to smile in a photo, she was all, “Do you want to bang me in the ass? Do you want to stick your finger up my ass?” Actually, I kind of want to stick mine down my throat right now, thanks.
Sadly, all this was going on against the backdrop of beautiful, serene California vineyards. Too bad it wasn’t the sight of grapes that made us want to guzzle a bottle to try and forgot what we had just witnessed.
– While Chris Laurita and the Manzo boys were visiting wineries for business, Joe Giudice and Joe Gorga were busy embarrassing them. For instance, Joe Gorga was climbing all over a lion carving in someone’s home and comparing it to his penis and balls.
– Are we the only ones that laughed when we saw that Richie Wakile wears the collar of his polo shirt flipped up? Straight outta the 1980s, man.
– Joe Giudice and Albert Manzo argued for a while over whether a certain Jersey street corner housed a car wash or a KFC, and it was hilarious. We wished someone would have pulled out a smart phone to look up who was right.
– And finally, when the group was at dinner during their last night of the trip, Teresa made a toast and specifically mentioned everyone there except her cousin, Kathy, who was sitting right next to her. Everyone noticed, and thought it was a totally vile thing to do. What a ….
Do you think Joe was talking to a mistress, or could it have really been a co-worker?