The Real Housewives of New Jersey had a gay ol’ time Sunday night in an episode that celebrated two gay members of the cast’s families.
The Manzos, Giudices and Lauritas traveled to Chicago to attend nuptials between Caroline’s brother, Jaime, and his partner, Rich. Dress code: Pastels and hats only. The actual wedding doesn’t air until next week, but the point was this: President Obama isn’t the only one down with gay marriage. The NJ ‘wives are, too, and they’re willing to overpack four suitcases for an overnight trip to support it.
Meanwhile, the Wakile family rallied around Kathy’s lesbian sister, Rosie, during a getaway at their shore rental house. (“Do people who are homosexual have gaydar?,” Kathy’s teenage son inquired.)
To further the fun at the shore, the Gorgas visited the Wakiles for a drama-free evening of drinks, laughs and hot tub action. Joe Gorga disrobed in public, but unlike many other times he has shed clothes on RHONJ, he did not mount Melissa or return wearing one of her dresses.
All this happiness doesn’t mean the episode was without its cringeworthy moments, though. After all, this IS the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Here were the worst offenses:
KIM D. — As Kim D. chatted with Teresa wearing a bikini, we couldn’t help but notice the terrible placement of her breast implants. I could drive my Subaru through the unnaturally large and unsightly gap between her breasts. Someone get this woman a bandeau top, asap!
MELISSA GORGA — When her husband, Joe, took her to some dilapidated building he was going to renovate, she mentioned how creepy it was, kinda like a haunted house. We totally agreed, but she made an ass of herself when she pretended she was acting in a horror movie. It may have been an attempt at comedy, but it was embarrassing to watch.
JOE GORGA — Not to be outdone by his wife, Joe changed into his swimming trunks in at Kathy and Rich’s house – in the middle of the street. Because carrying them inside to the bathroom is just SUCH an nuisance. Bravo blurred out his nether regions for us, but too bad neighbors didn’t get that same luxury.
GIUDICE BABYSITTER — Clearly, the babysitter who showed up to watch the Giudice
terrors sisters must be new, because she had on a strapless maxi dress and fun, fancy jewelry. Had she any knowledge of her charges, she’d have been wearing combat boots and Army fatigues, and carrying a taser.
TERESA GIUDICE — In an effort to repair their relationship, Joe Gorga texted Teresa to ask if she wanted to go to therapy. Teresa, ever the narcissist, declared to Jacqueline that there was nothing wrong with HER, that he was the one who needed to go. (When talking this to Jax, Teresa also said Joe wanted them to go to physical therapy together.) The people who need the most therapy (and bigger brains) are always the last to think they need it.
JOE GIUDICE — Leave it to Juicy Joe to put a damper on the Yay For Gays! episode with his big mouth. First, he traumatized about 10 people in the room (plus viewers) when he told a story about him and another guy back in the day, whipping out their penises side by side to see whose was longer, “just like a couple of gays!” A) That info was T-to-the-M-to-the-I!!! B) I’m pretty sure gay couples have better things to do than stand around and compare their wieners.
Later, Joe joked that Manzo family friend (who is also gay) Greg must have been the one who farted because “he’s got the loosest butthole here.”
What a wanker.