In order to be embarrassed, you’ve gotta have an internal gauge that says, “Hey, maybe I shouldn’t have said or done that” or “Oops! My bad.”
Luckily, nobody on The Real Housewives of New Jersey seems to have such a device, because the embarrassing moments were flowing as freely as the liquor at the house party Melissa and Joe threw at their new beach house.
To celebrate their new home, the Gorgas invited family and friends. They mixed up cocktails in an industrial sized blender, which led to a whipped cream war later in the night, and they danced with wild abandon as Joe pumped Melissa’s newest single through the speakers. In other words, Teresa wasn’t there, so it was fun.
Meanwhile, the Manzo, Giudice and Laurita clans were still in Chicago for Caroline’s brother’s gay wedding, and most managed to humiliate themselves at one point or another.
Here are the moments from last night’s show that made us blush:
Under fashion arrest: Maybe I’m biased because as a former Kentucky resident, I’ve seen THE world’s most beautiful hats at the Kentucky Derby. But chapeaus that the NJ ladies wore to the wedding were so awful, I found it hard to even look at the screen. Should the RHONJ ever require hats for an event again, they need to take their wallets to Kentucky. Teresa’s hat was the cutest, but that’s not really a whole lot.
Oops, I did it again!: Another day, another Teresa Giudice tabloid cover. Except this one surfaced while Tre is with the rest of the gang in Chicago, and talked a lot of trash about her fellow cast mates. Of course, none of this was Teresa’s fault. “I can’t help what they write!,” she said. Everyone swept it under the rug, though, in order to keep the wedding drama-free. But just wait until next week…
They don’t call him Juicy Joe for nothin’: Teresa spied a huge container of lube sitting on the nightstand and asked Joe about it, to which he replied, “Every once in a while you have to go in the bathroom and take care of business and I wanted to see how it felt.” Joe was born without an internal editor, but at least he wasn’t talking about taking a crap this time. We hope.
Can I get some fries with that?: Teresa and Joe woke up in the hotel together, and after some playful chatter, he told her morning breath smelled like the hot dogs they had for dinner the night before. “It smells like YOUR hot dog,” she said. So, it smelled like cigars. homophobia and jail? It must have been awful.
Good ol’ what’s her name: Teresa and Jacqueline met up before the wedding and Teresa goes, “You remind me of the princess of England, what’s her name? Kate Hudson?”
Wedgie central: Kathy arrived at the Gorgas party wearing some cute wedge heels with her swimsuit and cover up. But when she tried to navigate the rocky walkway to their place, cameras caught her from the back, where her hiked-up cover up revealed a much less-flattering kind of wedge. Bravo, why are you so cruel? Nobody needed to see that.
Road trip, anyone?: Jacqueline’s hubby, Chris, happily announced a new business venture that would take him to Napa Valley and invited everyone along for a “road trip.” We’re hoping he didn’t mean that literally, because according to Google maps, it’s 2,881 miles between home and Napa. If they all really drove together, that bus would look like a scene from True Blood before they got through the state of Pennsylvania.