RHONJ: Season Finale, Part One

Was Melissa really a stripper? We'll find out!

RHONJ: Season Finale, Part One

After a roller coaster of a season, The Real Housewives of New Jersey are finally wrapping things up, having aired the first part of its season four finale last night.

For the most part, the episode aimed to tie up a bunch of loose ends and ongoing drama. But the women were also preparing to attend the annual Posche fashion show — an event that has appeared in the past two seasons, and has been the scene of arguing and chaos.

Flashbacks reminded us that the 2009 event is where Teresa Giudice battled Danielle Staub and where Jacqueline Laurita’s daughter ripped out Staub’s hair extensions. In 2010, Teresa and Kathy Wakile had a war of words. And it appears the 2011 show won’t be any more peaceful, being that someone (Kim D.? Bravo producers?) dug up someone from Melissa Gorga’s past. Someone who can finally settle once and for all whether Melissa has worked as a stripper.

But until that scene plays out in next week’s final episode, here’s what RHONJ tried to wrap up in last night’s show.

PROBLEM: For several seasons, Caroline’s kids have all been miserable, indecisive about their careers and kind of in life limbo.
RESOLUTION: Each of them got bailed out by a family member found their passion and are excited to move forward. Chris and Albie each work in public relations (with uncle Chris); Lauren just opened her makeup bar/cafe (with Caroline).

PROBLEM:
Teresa has barely mastered the English language.
RESOLUTION: She decides to teach her children Italian, at which she also isn’t great. “I speak dialect. I don’t speak proper Italian.”

PROBLEM: Jacqueline’s daughter, Ashlee, is a spoiled pain in the ass who loves to torture her mother.
RESOLUTION: Send her off to live on here own, where she will get even more tattoos (ncluding a skull on her wrist) and leave her gas stove on for three days without realizing it. Thankfully, Jax is in too good of health to have a freakin’ coronary.

PROBLEM: Kathy wants a way to get her desserts out into the world.
RESOLUTION: She has now hooked up with a major company, who will help her market and sell her sugary delights. No thanks to Richie, however, who couldn’t help but compare desserts to “happy endings” during the big meeting. Even worse, in confessional, he said, “My favorite dessert is Kathy. It tastes like fish and gets the job done.” GAH-ROSS.

PROBLEM: Melissa might not achieve her full pop star success if she remains on her own independent label.
RESOLUTION: She finds a music industry executive to help guide her into her next big move.

PROBLEM: The show needed one more ginormous blowout for a dazzling season finale.
RESOLUTION: The Posche fashion show was resurrected for another appearance, earning owner/annoyance Kim D. more free publicity.

PROBLEM: For some reason, Kim D. wants to stick it to Melissa, and apparently has been talking smack about her husband being a terrible businessman.
RESOLUTION: Kim D. apologizes, then invites her to the fashion show.

PROBLEM: When Teresa and Melissa were at war all those years, Teresa constantly speculated that Melissa was an ex-stripper.
RESOLUTION: Teresa goes to get hair and makeup done with Kim D. Lo and behold, there’s a guy who claims that Melissa used to work for him as a stripper. Teresa says she doesn’t want to hear anything about her family, but Kim D. proceeds to ask a bunch of gory details about his claim.

PROBLEM: Someone Melissa probably never wants to see again greets her at the Posche fashion show.
RESOLUTION: She says as little as possible, pretending she couldn’t remember where she had seen him before.

PROBLEM:
“I just want to go and have a nice night. I don’t want any drama,” said Kathy.
RESOLUTION: To be seen next week during the season finale.

Does it matter to you if Melissa has been a stripper? Do you think Teresa will wrongfully get blamed for digging this guy out of the woodwork?

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