From a six-year-old’s birthday party to a surprise party at a gay bar, The Real Housewives of New Jersey made the rounds this week and lived to tell about it.
We are always amazed, albeit slightly disappointed, when the women are able to keep their crazy in check for an entire episode. The biggest let down came when warring Jacqueline Laurita and Teresa Giudice both attended a birthday party for Melissa Gorga’s daughter. The previews led us to believe there would be some kind of kerfuffle, but other than a quick awkward moment, it was pretty much a non-issue.
Ho hum. But that’s enough of Debbie Downer. Let’s focus on the episode’s highlights… starting now!
1. Melissa Gorga threw daughter Antonia a big bash for turning six. There was a bouncy house, inflatable caterpillar tunnel and other activities to keep the kids occupied while the parents sipped on cocktails. The Gorgas got it right. Kids parties are much more tolerable when you’ve got a Mai Tai in hand. (And trust us, we wished we’d had one too after seeing the ridiculous florescent pink, feathered, pimp hat Melissa had Antonia wearing at one point.)
2. Over at the Giudice camp, Joe complained that he didn’t want to attend Antonia’s party, to which Malania replied, “He never wants to see his kids! You big poop!” Man, that kid is gonna be fun when she’s 13.
3. Caroline Manzo is (financially) helping daughter Lauren open a store to showcase her makeup bar. Caroline’s vision: A cafe plus makeup store called “Caface.” Get it? Cafe + face. Anyway, as far as gimmicks go, it’s not a bad idea. I like coffee and desserts, and I like makeup. I kinda wish it were in my town, even if I hate the name.
4. Joey Gorga made an astute observation: “Look at these three (women). They look like twins, these three.” Or triplets, but who’s counting?
5. Gia Giudice attended tryouts to dance at Beatstock, and outdoor music festival,where Melissa will also be on stage performing one of her two mediocre singles. All the other little girls at the audition had on normal athletic clothes, but Gia wore hot pink, spandex booty shorts and a cropped fishnet shirt over some bra-like thing. Next stop: Teen Mom.
6. Albie Manzo brought his NFL cheerleader girlfriend to his roommate’s surprise party to meet the family. Caroline and Lauren did a whole lotta yapping about Lindsay in confessional, but Bravo didn’t show us much of Lindsay actually talking. That leads us to believe she’s not a ridiculous drama queen. Good for you, Albie!
7. Caroline talked at length about how Albie needed to focus on work and not get distracted by a woman. Hmmmmm, that’s a good one. I’ll have to remember that when my son dares love another woman more than me later in life.
8. To prepare for her Beatstock performance, Melissa scored choreography lessons from Cris Judd, better known as one of Jennifer Lopez’ ex-husbands. After seeing her moves, he told her she has a long way to go to be a quality performer. Maybe she should have borrowed an outfit from Gia to distract him from her bad dancing.
9. At Greg’s surprise party, Joe Gorga a) grabbed Chris Laurita’s wiener through his jeans; b) got up on a bar, ripped open his shirt and grinded with two dudes; and c) let Greg take body shot off his bare (shaved?!) chest. Also, Melissa danced on the bar with toilet paper stuck to her platforms. Is it just me, or do you wish the Gorgas were on every reality show?
10. Kathy Wakile’s lesbian sister, Rosie, brought a date home for dinner. Richie talked in confessional about how glad Rosie’s mom was to see her daughter dating. “She just wants Rosie to be happy — whether it’s friends, whether it’s emotional, whether it’s muff diving.”