The Real Housewives of New Jersey don’t always have to be brawling to turn in an episode worth watching. Last night, as their California RV trip continued, the trashiest ‘wives of the franchise committed senseless acts of jackassery — with a little help from their families, of course.
The crew finished off its ocean-side stay with surfing and a game of truth or dare next to the camp fire before heading off to a more remote campground. During that time, all manner of tomfoolery ensued, giving us our top jackass moments from the show:
Baring it, part one. Lauren Manzo’s boyfriend, Vito, complained to the dudes about a shoddy tattoo of a bear that he had gotten on his ass. He offered to show it to them, and pulled down his shorts and underwear and bent alllllll the way over. Of course, the joke was on everyone else because there was no grizzly bear — only grisly bare. Did we mention that Lauren’s dad was sitting there, too?
Baring it, part two. Joe Gorga is no stranger to pulling out his junk for anyone with eyes. But when he set Tarzan free in the RV for his sister and brother-in-law, he reached a new level of revolting. “A real man is proud of what he has,” Joe Gorga said. “You didn’t see Joe (Giudice) pulling out his pig in a blanket.” And for the first time ever, we toasted Joe Giudice.
Baring it, part three. During the game of Truth or Dare, Christopher Manzo dared Joe Gorga to go over to a neighboring RV in his undies, and ask to borrow tropical fruit. Obviously, Joe Gorga doesn’t need a dare to expose himself. Poor Melissa.
Where’s the beef? Teresa Giudice injured her ankle surfing and spent a night icing it — not with a bag of frozen peas or corn, but with a huge tube of frozen ground beef. I realize you’ve gotta make due with what you have when you’re camping, but about 40 minutes later, when someone pulled out an ice pack for her, we wondered why she hadn’t used her big mouth for something useful and asked around.
Boot leg. Although Teresa’s ankle was still huge and wrapped in an Ace bandage the next day, she still tried to cram into a pair of boots.Most women have, at one point, sacrificed comfort for the right shoes, but she was only going to be sitting in an RV all day. Couldn’t she have opted for some leopard or bedazzled flip-flops?
Sightseeing, schmiteseeing. While most everyone was excited to see the famed Golden Gate bridge, Joe Giudice proved that every bridge needs a curmudgeon troll. “Who the f*** cares? What the f*** is the Golden Gate Bridge?,” he said. Afterward: “There’s nothing great about it, it’s just a freakin’ bridge.” He doesn’t need no stinkin’ architectural wonder. Just give this man a Slap Chop and a drink and he’s happy.
Off the grid. When the group got close to its second camping destination, they lost cell phone reception and everyone started freaking out. After arriving, Caroline observed “There’s nothing but trees and grass and us. What are we supposed to do?” Um, what were you expecting? Welcome to camping, people. Welcome to camping.
TMI. In the Manzo/Laurita RV, one of the Manzo boys laughed about how awkward it would be for anyone to get busy on this trip because everyone was so close together. Chris Laurita pointed to Jacqueline and goes “we had sex last night. … Didn’t you feel the rockin?” The look on Caroline’s face was priceless.
Ear piercing. During a canoe ride, the Gorgas fell out of their boat, an event so traumatizing that Melissa shrieked loudly and plentifully, with the emotion of a woman whose first-born was just trampled by Bigfoot. It went on and on and on, until she was able to get out of the water. I would hate to be in earshot if Antonia, was, in fact, actually trampled by Bigfoot.
Drama, drama. Teresa and Jacqueline have been tolerating each other pretty nicely on this trip, so much so that each wondered if there was hope for their friendship. So they did the natural thing: They sat down, had a chat and rehashed their quarrel for the ten millionth time, Jacqueline cried, blah blah blah blah blah. Luckily, both emerged with their weaves and limbs intact… we’ll see if that lasts through next week’s drinking fest at the Napa wineries.
Do you think Tre and Jacqueline can repair their friendship for real? Have you seen enough of Joe Gorga’s privates, or what?