A whole lotta animosity has been building the past few weeks on The Real Housewives of New York. While that’s not great for the ladies involved, it’s lucky for viewers because it’s just in time for their group trip to St. Bart’s. Nothing makes a Housewives vacation more fun than people who already resent each other.
In last night’s episode, Heather Thomson took on a househusband; Aviva Drescher held a fundraising spinning class to raise money for children who needed prostheses; the women shopped for their upcoming voyage of doom; and all hell broke loose at Ramona’s holiday luncheon.
Here’s what happened, and where all the women currently stand with one another:
– Ramona and Sonja went to the plastic surgeon to get injections to make their wrinkly parts less so before their big trip to St. Bart’s. We got a super close up view of Ramona’s butt and it’s pretty amazing for a person of her age. She may have crazy eyes, but her ass is rockin’.
– Did not show up for Aviva’s fundraising event, because she had just been to the dermatologist and had red splotches on her face, plus she was afraid to do any spinning after her butt injections. Priorities!
– After Heather told Mario he had a “crazy wife” last week, she proceeded to get into a ridiculous argument with him about Ramona’s behavior. Heather got waaaay too worked up over this situation, and you just know Ramona is gonna go nuts on her in St. Bart’s.
– Heather and Aviva also had it out a little bit after Heather confronted Aviva about smack-talking LuAnn and Jacques. Aviva brought up Heather’s exclusion of Ramona from the London trip (Bet you thought that horse was dead and buried, huh? Wrong!) and chided her for talking badly about her to Mario. “You are indefensible!,” Aviva spouted.
– The very next day, when Aviva held a spinning event to raise money for children who needed prostheses, Heather still showed up. Holla!
– Aviva’s spinning class/charity event went well, except that Ramona and Sonja — the people she probably considers herself closest to — both cancelled at the last minute. She was pisssssssed.
– After she had collected the money, Aviva presented a young boy with two legs so that he could run. It was pretty touching, a moment that rarely happens on shows like these. It also makes you realize how ridiculous and shallow these women are 99 percent of the time.
– Aviva went to a holiday luncheon at Ramona’s house and mentioned how disappointed she was that Ramona and Sonja didn’t come because the event was really important to her. The ladies both apologized for skipping it, and although Ramona had the most lame excuse, it was Sonja who got the brunt of her ire. Aviva was screamed at Sonja: “IT WASN’T ABOUT ME OR MY CHARITY, IT WAS ABOUT THE CHILDREN WHO ARE MISSING LEGS!” Then Aviva made a toast. “Excuses are like a**holes, everybody has them.”
– Maybe it’s because we’re animal people, but we thought Sonja’s excuse was much more valid than Ramona’s who essentially said, “My face was too red after getting anti-aging treatments.” Sonja’s 17-year-old dog had been sick, and she had to take him to the vet, not knowing whether they would have to put him down that day. If you have pets, this is a tragic occasion, and it’s hard to think about anything else when it’s going on.
– However, Sonja was a blubbering mess, and over-explained the situation, and it probably did sound a little nutso to someone who doesn’t have pets. “He pees everywhere. It is humiliating to a very proud dog to be wearing diapers.”
– In the end, she apologized for not realizing how important the event was to Aviva, and promised to make the next one.
– LuAnn had the quote of the night: “Shopping for a bikini is like masturbating. You want to do it on your own.” Too bad LuAnn is more modest about her body than she is her singing. Which brings us to….
– The spinning event. The instructor tortured participants by playing “Money Can’t Buy You Class” in LuAnn’s honor. The fact that nobody ran from the room screaming was a testament to Aviva’s cause.
– Carole, who showed up to spin even though she hates exercise, heard LuAnn’s song for the first time and called it ‘goofy.’ That’s putting it mildly.
– Carole told Aviva that her ideal man is usually three things: sexual, geographically undesirable and emotionally unavailable.
– Carole thought the Heather/Mario skirmish was ridiculous; was disappointed that Ramona and Sonja didn’t show up for Aviva; and went with Aviva to present the legs to the boy. She was moved by the experience. Have we mentioned we love Carole?
Pack up your emotional baggage, ladies! St. Bart’s awaits…
Which ladies do you think will have the most dynamic blowout?