The Real Housewives of New York vacation
to paradise from hell finally came to a close in last night’s episode, and I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted.
The never-ending debate of whether or not this was truly a girls trip waged on, with Aviva Drescher at the forefront of nearly rehashed argument. Meanwhile, Sonja told the cameras that she wasn’t mad that Aviva brought Reid, she was upset that Aviva wasn’t hanging with the ladies because Reid was there. But Sonja’s attitude changed once she and Aviva were alone together for about three minutes.
This episode also featured LuAnn deLesseps’ planned day for the ladies (lunch at a restaurant with a spa and shopping); and Carole Radziwill’s (sunset cocktails, attending her boyfriend, Russ’, concert, then a late night dinner back at the house). Of course, both were disasters, neither of which occurring without some women storming off on their own.
Here’s the last installation of our vacation countdown, which will determine the winners and losers of the St. Barth’s excursion. Two weeks ago, each woman began with 50 points, and have gained and lost points based on things they did, or things that happened to them, along the way. The final tally is below.
– With Sonja, looks up “white trash” on Google to see exactly what Aviva’s insult meant. Sorry, but this scene was hilarious, and apparently also enlightening for the two women (+2)
– Gets angry at Carole for planning a double date dinner, but at this point, isn’t this getting old? After all, Ramona disappears half the time the group is together anyway (-1)
– When Aviva busts into the room during the discussion with Carole and starts firing off at the mouth, Ramona (for once) remains mostly calm and kind of blows her off. Turns out morning is the time to argue with Ramona because she hasn’t yet been drinking (+3)
– After cocktails, Ramona and Sonja skip Carole’s plan for them and go back to the house to
pack get drunk(-2)
– Ramona actually uttered these words: “I’m never drunk.” Hahahaha. Oh, did we say hahahahahahaha already? (-5)
– Sits down later for the late night dinner, but when the conversation becomes about something that bores her, she goes back to her room to “pack,” which really meant she wanted to complain to a drunken Sonja about how boring everyone was (-2)
– Is the only one who wouldn’t go for one last late night swim in St. Barth’s, so the ladies hatch a plan to change that. Heather pushes her in (-2), but Ramona goes with it instead of tripping out (+1)
– Gets upset because of how the other women — adult women, mind you — choose to spend their time away. “Going on vacation is more than drinking and dancing on tables,” Aviva snaps. In her world, going on a trip means being a constant wet blanket (-3)
– For, like, the first 30 minutes of the show, she was still yammering about how Ramona and Sonja made her feel unwelcome and how they should have “put up a banner that said, ‘You did it, Aviva! Rah, rah!” You know what, Aviva? I’ll put one of those up in my house if you STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF CONSTANTLY (-5)
– At lunch, she tells some of the other ladies how the last thing she wants to focus on is her anxiety issues. Someone round up some duct tape then, because the only way that’s gonna happen is if we stop her lips from moving (-3)
– Aviva is alone in a room with Sonja and they wind up arguing. Aviva tells Sonja that she’s two-faced, self-centered (well, she should know, right?) and that she sets a terrible example for her daughter. She takes issue with the fact that Sonja owns a yacht, and essentially implied that she was an old, dried-up slut. That’s a nice example for YOUR kids, Aviva (-7)
– On the last dinner of their night, Aviva is behaving like a semi-normal human being. She even jumps in the pool. No word on whether she had on her swimming leg (+4)
– Listens to a barrage of insults from Aviva while simultaneously flirting with one of the house boys (+3)
– Gets in a few jabs of her own, the most entertaining one being, “I’m going to call Reid and tell him ‘Return to sender! Come take this package home!” Could not agree more (+3)
– Says she bruises easily, and in confessional, admits she got her most recent ones from banging Tomas. At least she’s honest (+2)
– Talking to Ramona, Sonja is still upset that Aviva expects everyone to kiss Reid’s ass. Says she, “The only time I kiss the ground someone walks on is Tomas when he’s humping me in the back of the garden.” I hope she sprayed some Weed Eater in that garden. Just sayin’. Tomas gets around (-2)
– After ditching Russ’ concert, Sonja gets embarrassingly wasted at the house. When the others return home and sit down at the table, Sonja stands behind Aviva, mocking her while she’s talking. Mature (-3)
– Leaves the room to change clothes for dinner. Her getting ready is like something you’d see on Jersey Shore. She can barely stand up, and hell, who needs under garments, anyway? (-2)
– Everyone jumps in the pool wearing their dresses, but Sonja takes it to the next level and hops in naked, which was easy because she only had to remove one item of clothing to achieve complete nudity. We’re all for having fun, but a little bit of naked Sonja goes a long way. And we’ve seen more than a little on this trip (-4)
– Casually goes in to talk to Ramona and Sonja, who wind up going off on her when they discover she and her man are going on quick double date with Aviva and Reid that night (-2)
– At lunch, Aviva babbles again about hear fear of flying, small planes, blah, blah, blah, but it reminds Carole of the plane crash that took the lives of her friends and cousin. She gets upset and goes off to shed some tears (-5)
– With Aviva, has a pedicure in which fish eat the dead skin off your feet. While I am fascinated by this, I am also totally grossed out (-2)
– Heather flips out because she wasn’t invited to dinner with the couples. Carole goes to coddle her later (+1)
– Compares herself to Ghandi. Normally, if someone said that, we’d be like, REALLY? But in this case, she is the resident peacekeeper of the group. Nobody seems to be civil to each other unless Carole is there to mediate (+3)
– Sadly, the above also means that she spends more time resolving other people’s issues than she does relaxing.On her own vacation. That she arranged. Bet this is the last time she ever invites these broads on a trip (-4)
– On their last night in St. Barths, the group has sunset cocktail and are supposed to head over to Russ’ concert — which is one of the main activities all the women were supposed to do together. Ramona and Sonja’s departure pisses Carole off (-2), but not enough to ruin the night with yet another pointless argument (+1)
– At one point, tries to reason with Aviva, telling her “If you continue to talk about (the issue with Ramona), it’s going to make this a sh*t f*** fest.” (+3)
– Oh wait, didn’t that happen already? Sorry, Heather, too late (-1)
– Has not had her requisite vacation meltdown, so when she finds out that Aviva and Carole are going on double date, she loses her cool. Not because there are men involved, but because nobody else was invited (-4)
– She storms off and goes to the beach by herself to read and sunbathe. My question is: Why is this the first time anyone is doing this? (+3)
– Carole comes down to talk to her and invite her to the dinner, and they wind up taking a swim together (+2)
– Has the line of the night: “I saw Sonja’s nipples and vagina on the trip so much, I thought I should start petting and feeing them.” After what she has seen on this trip, I bet nobody is happier than Heather to go home (+2)
– Heather is the one who gets to push Ramona in the pool on their last night in St. Barths. She says it made all the drama worth it (+3)
– LuAnn has already had her Vacation Embarrassing Moment and seems satisfied to keep it at just one. Bravo, Countess! You know how to quit when you’re ahead (+3)
FINAL ST BARTHS SCOREBOARD:
Winner: Carole. The only way she could have done better was if she’d never invited any of these idiots to travel with her.
Loser: In a matter of two days, Aviva ruined everyone’s time — not because she brought Reid, but because she’s a self-centered, phobia-driven nightmare. We pray that we don’t have to see her neuroses next week when they all fly home. We’ve seen plenty.
How have your feelings changed about the cast after seeing this trip?