RHONY: LuAnn, a Ball Gag and Aviva’s Dad

Also, Sonja is a bruised, bloody mess.

RHONY: LuAnn, a Ball Gag and Aviva’s Dad

Thank goodness for the holidays.

Since The Real Housewives of New York was shot during winter, the ladies have been enjoying ample social events, which means frequent changes of scenery (and outfits!) to accompany all the drama.

In last night’s ep, cool Carole held a white elephant dinner party and a casual lunch gathering at her apartment; Ramona had a launch party for her new red wine; and the long-awaited photo shoot for Sonja Morgan’s toaster oven packaging finally went down. Of course, lots of bickering and weirdness rounded out each event.

Here’s how each cast member fared:

HEATHER THOMSON
Heather doesn’t always rub us the right way, but we felt for her last night when she was trying to direct Sonja and her ADD at the photo shoot. If what Heather says is true, she assembled this crew of pros to help Sonja, who didn’t even care enough to show up on time or consider said professional advice. Moreover, Heather and her friends were doing this all FOR FREE.
Didn’t these ladies learn anything about mixing business and pleasure from Kandi Burruss and Kim Zolciak on Real Housewives of Atlanta?
In addition, Heather had to listen to Ramona’s deranged ranting at not being invited to said photo shoot. Despite all the wine on this show, there is not enough wine in the world to deal with these people.

SONJA MORGAN
Not only did the toaster over maven show up totally late to her own photo shoot, she was a hot mess on top of it. Once she arrived, she was more concerned with the food presentation than getting into hair and makeup. When they finally wrangled her to get ready, she ran out, exclaiming, “I have to go to the bathroom and change my tampon!” She brought some dude in there with her, and told him, “This is why I’m so cranky. I lose a lot of blood. If we threw Aviva’s leg in here and my blood, they’d be like, ‘Murder!’” Seriously, I have no words.
Also, what was up with the enormous bruise on her upper arm? It was even more severe a few days later when wore a sleeveless top to Ramona’s wine party. Remember last year when she had that huge bruise on her ass?

CAROLE RADZIWILL
Carole’s dinner was pretty much all about Aviva’s dad, George (see LuAnn entry below). And her lunch get-together was all about everyone being picky.
Carole had planned to just order pizza when everyone got there, but they all acted as though she’d suggested ordering dog poop sandwiches, with five side orders of elephant dung fries. “Uh,I don’t really do pizza,” said Ramona. “Can’t I just get a nice salad with chicken or something?” (Nevermind that Carole had ordered cute, personalized M&Ms baring their names and business brands.)
Despite the complaints, Carole still invited them all on a girls trip to St. Bart’s, which brings us to …

AVIVA DRESCHER
Seriously, who else were you expecting when we mentioned a trip? Aviva has never been to the island because she’s afraid of puddle jumper planes (finally, a rational phobia!), but she thinks she can get through it if she brings her husband along. “He is my best friend and I really hate to leave him. … He misses me when he goes to work.” I mean, I love my husband, too, but COME ON. She can’t just pop some Xanax for the flight and take a three-day weekend away?
In addition, Aviva has proven to be a bit of a busybody, getting in between everyone’s skirmishes with Ramona. Last night, she inserted herself into the LuAnn/Ramona wine-tasting kerfuffle, and the ongoing Heather/Ramona battle for the last word. Mark my words: One of these days, everyone’s gonna pounce on her.

RAMONA SINGER
Has there been a party this season at which Ramona hasn’t gotten into some kind of drama? Last night, she again drudged up the cruelty of LuAnn’s wine-tasting game, which we thought was finally dead and buried. But most of her ire was directed toward Heather, who she believed banned her from Sonja’s toaster over photo shoot. First, she chided Heather for “steamrolling” Sonja into her ideas, then she pulled her aside and said she didn’t appreciate being excluded from the photo shoot. When Heather denied banishing her — that, in fact, Sonja never actually requested her presence — Ramona lost her mind, found her crazy eyes and caused a drunken scene at her own party.
Also, who doesn’t “do pizza?” What a psycho.

LUANN DE LESSEPS
The most exciting part of LuAnn’s night is when she sat next to Aviva’s dad, George, at Carole’s dinner party. During the gift exchange, the George compared drip rings on wine coasters to “cock rings;” asked LuAnn to whip him while holding a ball gag in his hand; and referred to a green lizard at a “clitoris iguana.” The Countess was mostly speechless, likely saving her elegance speeches for someone who doesn’t speak about clits and penises at a dinner table.

If you were Aviva, would you allow your dad on TV?

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