It’s not very often we feel sorry for a bunch of wealthy women whining about their first world problems. So we were definitely surprised when we felt pangs of pity last night watching The Real Housewives of Orange County.
Each of the women (or the people in their self-centered orbits) managed to eek out some kind emotion from us last night, largely in the form of pity. At least once during each storyline, we were like, “I’d so much rather be a sleep-deprived, work-from-home mom who can’t remember the last time she had time to shave her legs than one of these people.”
Here’s a recap ranking the least to most pitiful haps:
5. Heather– This week, Heather found out she didn’t get the acting role she auditioned for, and she also had to hang out with Slade (retch!) while he looked at unaffordable engagement rings for Gretchen. Not a great week for her. But every time we see her house, it’s hard to feel sorry for Heather. I mean, she has a lounge with a fireplace in her freakin’ bathroom, so cry me a river, lady. Can’t she just buy a movie to star in?
4.Gretchen — As Slade shopped for engagement rings this week, he looked at some real beauts bearing Gretchen’s favorite canary yellow diamonds. However, one cost $250K and the other was $40K — in other words, they were $250K and $40K out of his price range — so he asked the jeweler if he could just get an imitation stone until he could afford the real thing. What a chump! I mean, we’re glad he’s not spending above his means, but a fake rock for an OC girl? Puh-lease.
3. Vicki — The RHOC matriarch was still angry that her daughter eloped, and upset that her children aren’t welcoming her creepy boyfriend, Brooks, with open arms. Then, during Vicki’s heated discussion with Brianna, her daughter rattled off the laundry list of tabloid rumors about Brooks on camera, which mortified her momma. So, if you haven’t had time to Google Brooks, he’s allegedly gotten a DUI, has four kids by three different women and has been arrested for not paying child support. For a minute, we thought we’d accidentally flipped the channel to the Maury Povich show.
2. Tamra – Tamra created a real sh*tstorm this week when she went to have her “Simon” wedding ring tattoo removed by Heather’s hubby, Terry. Suffering from nervous diarrhea, she had to jump up from the table several times before the surgery began and said that despite her divorce, “Simon is still a pain in my ass.” We felt bad for her because diarrhea sucks, but even more sad for her because she wasn’t embarrassed to make a total scene of this on TV.
1. Alexis‘ kids — Meanwhile, Alexis had diarrhea of the mouth, which overflowed as she made a speech to 50-something guests at her twins’ Princess and Puppies 4th birthday celebration, earning her daughters our top pity party of the night.
An excerpt from her rant? “Malania and McKenna were born at 34 weeks; their mom almost passed away. … I had a pulmonary embolism, and thank God Dr. Brooke figured it out. The ER couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I’m doubled over, I can’t breathe, I’m on serious pain medication, I was in the hospital for FIVE DAYS, I have a blood clot, the Coumadin is not working, I’m on Demerol, I’m on morphine. And that’s what this celebration today is about.” Me, me, me, me, me, me! Oh yeah, happy birthday, girls! What an a-hole.