RECAP: OC Wives Roll Down a River…Of Tears

RHOC ensure another miserable Housewives vacation goes down in the books!

RECAP: OC Wives Roll Down a River…Of Tears

The Real Housewives of Orange County were dropping like flies as their group trip to Costa Rica drew to a close.

As you may recall, Alexis Bellino was only staying  a few days anyway — a decision she was likely glad she made after the “intervention” that went down last week. Heather Dubrow stayed longer, but also left before the others. Vicki Gunvalson was crying half the time, so really, only Gretchen Rossi and Tamra Barney had a decent time.

If we’ve said it once, we’ve said it a thousand times: We’d rather vacation alone for a month than take a weekender with any of the Housewives.

Here are the top 10 highlights from last night’s show.

1. After everyone ganged up on Alexis and made her feel like a piece of crap, Tamra’s like, “Lex, let’s hug it out!” Um, really? Just like that? Instead, Alexis went to her room to cry and blow the resulting snot out of her new nose. Alexis ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but she’s bright enough to know when crying is more fun than eating lobster with a bunch of bitches.

2. Although she’s been the resident emotional basket case of the trip, Vicki made two valid points. A) All of the Orange County ladies are materialistic to a certain degree, so why take so much issue with Alexis? B) People are who they are. Either accept Alexis for who she is, or don’t. But you’re not gonna change her. (Unless you’re a plastic surgeon.)

3. Gretchen went to Alexis’ room to talk to her, but Alexis sent her away. Later, when Vicki tried to visit, Alexis let her in to chat. Gretchen was pissed that Vicki woo(hoo)ed her way into the room, so the next day, when the all went to the beach together, she scolded Alexis for it. I mean, Alexis isn’t our favorite, but can’t Gretchen just let her enjoy 10 minutes of this trip without going off on her for something else?

4. Shortly after, Alexis headed to the airport to catch her flight while the rest of the ladies romped at the private beach — wearing  full faces of makeup, natch. At least they won’t get skin cancer from the neck up… not even the sun’s powerful rays could penetrate all the layers of foundation and charcoal eyeliner.

5. Heather kept calling champagne “champs” and it was totally annoying. Is it really so hard to add that extra syllable to words? I mean, you wouldn’t call your country a … oh, never mind.

6. Tamra asked the women if they wanted to see her new boobs. “They are actually your old boobs,” Heather said. Touche!

7. The ladies planted trees in the rain forest, and Vicki planted one for Alexis. I guess this is the RHOC equivalent of pouring out a little liquor for their fallen homie? After all, none of these women are gonna waste alcohol by pouring it out anyway.

8. Vicki broke down during the tree-planting, saying “You know it will be really sad someday when one of us dies.” Heather matter-of-factly said, “we are just creating photosynthesis.” Unable to get her emotions under control, Vicki kept blubbering as she planted the tree. And you thought Debbie Downer was just an SNL character.

9. Vicki booked the women a river rafting trip — little did she know it was on super rough waters, filled with huge rocks and piranhas and that it would also be raining. The trip looked terrifying, and we admit, we enjoyed seeing the women completely out of their element. Up until this point, the biggest adventure for any of them was probably driving past a Coach (gasp!) outlet.

10. After that, Heather headed back and the remaining three went out for beers to decompress. Gretchen and Tamra tee-hee-heeed over their matching pink jackets, and Vicki cried some more about her failed marriage to Donn. With all the tears shed on this trip, Vicki probably added an inch or so to Costa Rica’s overall rainfall for the month.


Tell us: Do you feel sorry for Vicki, or is she overreacting to the things going on in her life?