After Tamra Barney’s Mexican bachelorette fiesta, new housewife Lydia McLaughlin has been fully initiated into the lunacy of The Real Housewives of Orange County.
Instead of running for her life when she hit American soil, Lydia decided to plan a salsa party and invite all of her new “friends.” The women got dressed up in their best Latin-inspired dresses, their hair in side ponies, with giant flowers stuffed in.
Per usual, Gretchen Rossi and Slade were there for all of 20 minutes before Slade annoyed someone — this time, the party host. As Lydia chowed down on some chips and guacamole, he whispered to Gretchen that Lydia was so skinny she needed to eat a cheeseburger.
Lydia halfway heard him, and asked him directly what he said. Slade explained, saying it was a compliment. But Lydia was irritated A) because she apparently has body issues over being so tiny; and B) because he didn’t just say the joke to her face, he whispered it to Gretchen even though she was standing right there.
It truly is a landmark day when someone in the O.C. is sad about being too skinny, but we’re in her corner because having body issues sucks. And also, because Slade is a Class A douche.
They trio took a break from one another, but later Lydia called him out again, implying that he was a scumbag for always commenting on other women’s appearances. Exhibit A: When he included a bit about Vicki looking like Miss Piggy in a comedy routine last season — an event that may or may not have sparked Vicki’s recent massive plastic surgery overhaul.
Slade deflected any sort of personal responsibility for the things he said, and then Gretchen stepped in to defend her man, making for the second skirmish in two weeks between Lydia and Gretchen. We pretty much agreed with everything Lydia was saying, up until the point when she called Gretchen Malibu Barbie. And not in a nice way. Pot, meet kettle.
But that wasn’t the only dust up that went down. Vicki’s erstwhile boyfriend, Brooks, totally shocked her by showing up at the party. And her plastic surgery had worn off enough that we could actually see the element of surprise a tiny bit. Little did Vicki know that Terry Dubrow had called Brooks moments before and invited him.
Once Vicki got over the intrusion, she and Brooks seemed OK together, turning in highly embarrassing attempts at salsa dancing. A dance that is supposed to be sexy instead made me want to have a lobotomy to forget I ever witnessed it.
Meanwhile, ex-housewife, Lauri, whom Tamra brought to the party, revealed to others that Brooks had been dating her daughter’s friend, who happens to be a 20-something stripper and porn star. Gah-ross! What on earth would a stripper and porn star want with a creepy old fart like Brooks?
Anyhoo, there is sure to be trouble between the two, and if that means the last time I ever have to witness them dance, then I’m all for it.
Last, the rift between Gretchen and Tamra continued to grow when Gretchen realized that Tamra had not only made nice with Vicki, but also Alexis, too. When Gretchen learned that Tamra had invited all her cast mates to help her look for wedding dresses, Gretchen was incensed.
“The people who should be there are the ones who are your close friends,” Gretchen said, adding that if Alexis went, she would probably stay home. Little did Gretchen know that Heather Dubrow and Alexis also agreed to a truce earlier in the episode, which is slowly making her the odd (wo)man out.
Guess everything comes full circle — sadly for Gretchen, it may be a return to her Housewives roots, when nobody liked her. But at least she has a bunch of ugly handbags and gaudy jewelry to comfort her this time around.