You know, we don't often walk away from shows like The Real Housewives of New Jersey without a few questions rolling around our noggins. Generally, they're usually rhetorical questions like, “Did I really just see that?”
And as we wade further into the splintering relationships between the ladies of Joisey, last night was no different. So today, our recap format is 10 Questions with the Real Housewives of New Jersey.
1. Did Teresa Giudice actually think her half-hearted apology about her cookbook comments was going to erase all the animosity with everyone? To us, her words just seemed like a ploy to plug her product again.
2. How much of an idiot do you have to be to miss a flight — ahem, Ashlee Holmes — when someone delivers you to the airport with plenty of time to spare? Apparently, she was too busy tweeting about how confusing and miserable the airport was to focus on getting to her gate, so she wound up back at home instead of in Las Vegas.
3. How come Bravo cameras were at the men's poker game at Jacqueline Laurita's house, but failed to catch the “wrestling match” between the fellas that resulted in personal injury? Joe Giudice grabbing Rich Wakile's nuts and then winding up with a black eye? Sorry, Bravo. We needed to see that.
4. Can Joe and Melissa Gorga adopt me? Because apparently, they purchase for each of their children ginormous buildings so that each kid will have a way to make money later in life — just in case Meli
ssa's pop music career doesn't take off and provide them with a lifetime of riches.
5. Was Teresa serious just now when she called Joe “Mr. Mom?” Because here's the next scene that unfolded: Gia to Joe: “Audriana's bleeding.” Joe: “She'll be all right.” Gia: :Well, the least you can do is wipe the blood off her.”
6. Is Teresa's daughter, Malania, Satan's spawn? In this episode, the 6-year-old trampled her baby sister, told dad Joe he was “not a cooker, but a hooker,” and punched Albie Manzo in the nut sack.
7. Is there anything more embarrassing for a high school kid than his MOM emailing the girl who just sent him topless photographs of herself? Ask Kathy's son, who had that exact thing happen.
8. Does this random lady in the book store know how much cookbooks weigh when they're thrown at your head? She's gotta be NUTSO to bring up Joe's driver's license situation to Teresa at her book-signing, although we are proud of Teresa for keeping her temper in check.
9. Will one episode pass where Joe Gorga doesn't talk about how much he wants to mount Melissa? Certainly not this one, because after she writes and plays for him a love ballad she wrote he is “so turned on” and carries her off to the bedroom.
10. Can I jump through the TV and give Jacqueline a hug? When she starts going through Ashlee's baby album and crying about what a little asshat she has grown into, my heart breaks for her.