First things first: Who else tried in vain this past week to find the “Alexis Bellino Nordstrom Facebook page” that was bandied about during Part 1 of the OC Housewives reunion? It doesn’t exist. Disappointing.
But chin up, because school’s out for summer, and it’s time to grade the performances of The Real Housewives of Orange County in Part 2 of the Reunion Show!
Vicki Gunvalson: When your only ally on the couches is Alexis, you know you’re in trouble. The tables turned on Vicki this season as she learned how it feels to be meangirled by Tamra at a reunion show. But it was Gretchen who really landed all the jabs on Vicki, who stubbornly refused to understand basic logic or the definition of the word “hypocrite” throughout the show. Speaking of stubborn, she also stood staunchly be her man till the end, even though he’s clearly an “opportunist.” Vicki just wants to be loved. Let’s let her be happy until Brooks takes all her money. Grade: C-
Tamra Barney: We thought Tamra would be a little softer this year, seeing as how she’s in love and engaged and starting a new life with Eddie. But it seems that Tamra’s only happy when she’s making other people unhappy. She always comes to these reunion shows ready to bury someone. Last season, it was Gretchen and Slade. This season, it’s her old pal Vic. Now the world knows Vicki had a one-night stand in Cabo while she was still married to Donn. Why so angry, Tammy Sue? But she does have a penchant for throwing out the one-liners (Jesus Jugs! Weird, creepy, weird!), so we won’t give her an F. Grade: D-
Alexis Bellino: Jesus Jugs is so outmatched on these shows. She makes about as much sense as Kelly Bensimon when she tries to defend herself. The “show me the emails!” exchange with Gretchen over a local TV hosting gig was just kind of sad. Why is she still on this show? Did they ask someone else first, and then tell Alexis they would never want anyone but her? Grade: D
Gretchen Rossi: With Slade out of the line of fire for a change and Tamra by her side, Gretchen was able to hold her own against Alexis and Vicki. She was rightfully indignant about Vicki’s constant hypocrisy but managed to keep her cool. And unlike Tamra, she seems genuinely sad about her friendship breakup with former BFF Alexis. Grade: B
Heather Dubrow: The newest housewife managed to emerge relatively unscathed. She got into it a little bit with Alexis, but that barely counts. Next season, we’d like to see Fancy Pants and her fancy vocabulary go up against a worthy opponent — like Tamra. Grade: B
Briana, Vicki’s daughter: The voice of reason on every season of RHOC wins the reunion hands down by being honest about her feelings for Brooks without attacking her mother. As Andy Cohen said, “There has never been a moment when you weren’t making sense. Never in seven years.” Can we promote her to Real Housewife already? Grade: A