When The Real Housewives of New Jersey returned to the small screen on Sunday night, most of the ladies were still salty at Teresa Giudice over the comments she made — directly and indirectly — in her cookbook.
Still, nobody thought it was worth having Teresa hurl any tables over. Instead, they all seemed willing to let it go. That's great for us because everyone knows what happens when volatile people let angry feelings simmer: An even bigger melee later in the season. (Baby christening melee, anyone?)
But that doesn’t mean we didn’t have the “ingredientses” for a good first episode, either. Here are the things you need to know from the season premiere:
1. Teresa tells Caroline Manzo that she “must have misread” the cookbook, because she didn’t say anything insulting about her. Um, correct us if we’re wrong, but isn’t Caroline the only person on the cast who can actually read? Nice try, Teresa.
2. Teresa, Kathy Wakile, Melissa Gorga and their families all have houses at the Jersey Shore. They are packing up for some fun in the sun when Rich shoves some “enhancement gel” into a bag. Kathy starts yelling “Stick it in deep! All the way in!” OK, you didn’t really need to know that part. Hope you’re not eating right now.
3. Jacqueline Laurita's daughter, Ashley, changed the spelling of her name to Ashlee, bleached her hair bimbo blonde and appears to have had a little work done to her face. Also, she still has mega-attitude and is freeloading off her pare
4. Teresa tells Joe Gorga that if Melissa met another man with more money, that she’d leave him in an instant. Joe tells Melissa what she said, and Melissa gets pissed. But not mad enough to do anything about it… yet.
5. Melissa is the first cast member to butcher English this season, using “im-pen-tay-go” instead of impetigo. Caroline aside, I think this Housewives cast probably has the lowest collective IQ, which is one of the reasons we love them so much.
6. Meanwhile, Joe Gorga's made-up words are genius. He promises in confessional to give Melissa lots of “Gorgasms.”
7. Fan favorite Rosie (Kathy’s sister) is back, staying at the beach house. She is easily the most likeable person on the show. More Rosie, please!
8. Joe Giudice is in trouble with the law again, this time for trying to get a driver’s license using his brother’s ID and personal information — at least, that's what Joe Gorga’s told some of the others. Um, didn’t people try to score fake licenses when they were 17?
9. At the end of the episode, Chris and Jacqueline finally decide to kick Ashlee to the curb to go live with her aunt and uncle … in Las Vegas. What an excellent place to send a 20-year-old with an identity crisis and a drinking problem! Why didn't they think of that sooner?
10. Caroline goes to the doctor and finds out she’s going through menopause. So, this is the storyline you get if you’re the only somewhat sane person on the show. No thanks.