Reality villains come and go, but some remain forever notorious. Which one of these cruel connivers is your alter ego?
1. What is your best attribute?
A. My ability to separate business and pleasure
B. My manipulation skills
C. My blackened, soulless heart
D. My ability to reinvent myself
E. My creativity
2. What are you most likely to be remembered for — besides being a big ol’ a-hole, of course?
A. Nothing, really. Being a bitch is my main claim to fame.
B. I didn’t wear a whole lotta clothes.
C. My facial hair, which defies the laws (and colors) of nature.
D. Being one of the top five worst singers in the world.
E. Being an animal activist.
3. What’s your signature method of pissing people off?
A. I play the victim while simultaneously victimizing others.
B. I’m more of a puppet master. They don’t know I’m screwing them over until it’s too late.
C. I treat everyone — even family — like the pieces of crap they are.
D. I call the authorities on them, whether or not they have done anything against the law.
E. I rattle them until they punch me, and then I’m the victim and they’re facing assault charges.
4. How do you react when people retaliate?
A. Remain cool and emotionless. Show no vulnerability!
B. By the time they try to get revenge, it’s usually too late.
C. I spread vicious lies about them and ruin their relationships with others.
D. I hire some muscle and have them accompany me everywhere, even if it’s just afternoon tea.
E. I instigate fighting amongst my peers to take the focus off myself.
5. Which are you most likely to do?
A. Take a cliche and twist it into a racist statement.
B. Find an obvious way to distract people from my devious doings.
C. Wind up friendless because I’ve burned every bridge I’ve ever had.
D. Change my name to try and separate from my past.
E. Stuff raw meat in someone’s pillowcase.
6. If you were to earn one of the following nicknames, which would it be?
A. The Terminator
B. The Nudist
C. Media Whore
D. Prostitution Whore
E. The Instigator
7. After reality TV, how would you most likely make a living?
A. Going on as many other reality shows as possible.
B. Who knows? Although I’ve had many professional jobs, I might end up in jail.
C. Freeloading off my significant other and trying to keep the media interested in me.
D. Work? Who, me?
E. I’ll probably be in a rock band or something.
If you chose mostly A’s, you are Omarosa Manigualt-Stallworth:
Omarosa is probably THE Original Bitch of reality television, and you join her in setting the bar for the “I didn’t come here to make friends” cliche. Other scallywags of the world aspire to your manipulative efforts, intellect and sheer will to dominate others. You crush others more thoroughly than a semi flattens a raisin — but think about some kind of volunteer work to even out your life. Karma is a bitch — maybe even a bigger one than you.
If you chose mostly B’s, you are Richard Hatch:
From the O.B. to the O.G.: The legend of Richard Hatch — the winner of the first season of Survivor in 2000 — is long and storied. Survivor brought him back for another round, and Donald Trump gave the evil genius a whirl in the current season of The Celebrity Apprentice. Here’s your strategy: You work hard and make yourself useful, all the while distracting others (by dropping trou, for instance) from your real motives — which is quietly stabbing them all in the back until you come out on top. (Tip: Always pay your taxes, because unlike Susan Hawk, the people in prison would probably love to see you nekkid.)
If you chose mostly C’s, you are Spencer Pratt:
Much like Spencer Pratt of The Hills, you think you’re King, and the people of the world are your minions. You are selfish and arrogant; you do what you want when you want; and you ruthlessly attack your enemies (sometimes even your friends) — all while placing yourself a pedestal. But there’s a reason there’s only room for one on a pedestal. In your case, it’s because everyone thinks you’re a supreme asshole and nobody would want to share it with you anyway.
If you chose mostly D’s, you are Danielle Staub:
It takes a special kind of jackass to make other women throw giant dinner tables across a room like Hercules, to make them rip out hair extensions from the root, to make them so livid that they attack dear Andy Cohen because you’re not sitting close enough. That’s the kind of jackass that ex-Real Housewife of New Jersey Danielle Staub is — and, as it turns out, you. You’re constantly surrounded by drama, but it’s always everyone else’s fault, right? WRONG. You bring it all on yourself. Now, quit calling the cops on everyone and for the love of God, don’t be singin’ any more songs.
If you chose mostly E’s, you are Lacey Connor:
You’re openly aggressive and obnoxious, but when all eyes end up on you, you know how to divert the attention just like this former Rock of Love contestant. You are an expert at planting seeds in people’s heads, saying just enough to make them question themselves and others, which causes infighting. While they’re busy second-guessing everything, you’re busy scaling the mountain. And that mountain may or may not be Bret Michaels’ hair extensions.