This week on RuPaul’s Drag U, it was all about the curves. Three women who aren’t sure how to dress their bodies or embrace their full figures enrolled in the firecest U around.
Let’s meet the new class:
Amber, 26. She says she used to be bubbly and outgoing, but now she barely leaves the house.
Mary, 47. Mary has gained 50 pounds in a year and it’s weighing on her emotions.
Sinead, 32. This nanny lives in Hollywood, but spends her days covered in baby vomit.
RuPaul puts the curvy girls on a “strict diet of fierceness” and trots them off to the Drag Lab. There they meet their new professors. Amber will be joining Sharon Needles‘ (Drag Race season 4 winner). Sharon’s happy to work with Amber. “I wish I was fat and black!” She said.Mary was assigned Raja (Drag Race Season 3 winner) and Sinead will work with Pandora Boxx (Drag Race Season 3 Fan Favorite).
At orientation, we get all the back stories and get to laugh at their hideously (and faked) photos of their everyday outfits. Come on, NO ONE dresses as badly as they’re always dressed in these photos. You know producers tell the girls to go into their closet and pick out their 10 worst looks and put them all on along with some rain boots, scarves, hair nets and face cream. So stagey!
After the pointless quick drag bit, it’s time for the best part. The Dragulator. Ru enters the girls’ info in and out spits their new drag persona.
Amber will become Daisy Flowers. The look is nice but could that drag name be any more boring? I think the Dragulator might need a recharge.
Mary will transform into Stella Constellation. Her flowy zebra print is great and all, but another bad drag name. Unless there’s a play on words there I’m not getting.
Sinead will now and forever (and by forever I mean the next 21 minutes) be known as Rita Rocket. Her look is red-hot, but don’t have a warped mind like me or you’ll be saying “red rocket” over and over in your head. So, yes, the third bad name. I think the Dragulator has been around too much hairspray.
At this week’s Lady Lesson, we get to learn how to create kissable lips. We also get to hear the contestants recite their fed lines. Badly. But it’s so so funny to hear. That’s followed by dance class and it’s the usual dance class mess. This week’s performance will be set to Tina Turner’s “What’s Love Got To Do With It.” Let’s head off to Draguation!
Draguation Report Card (Graded By Me)
Daisy Flowers — Look: A+ Oral Exam: B- Performance: A- Average: A
Stella Constellation — Look: A Oral Exam: B+ Performance: B+ Average: B+
Rita Rocket — Look: B+ Oral Exam: A+ Performance: B+ Average: A-
According to my grades, Daisy Flowers would graduate with top honors, followed closely behind by Rita Rocket. For the first time this season, my grades don’t match the judges.’ They pick Rita as the winner. Condragulations, Rita!