Poor Shahs of Sunset. The show had so much momentum for an epic finale and then was pushed to the side first by the Super Bowl, and then again the following Sunday by The Grammy’s. For those who did tune in to the episode last night the finale was about finding love–just in times for Valentines Day–and turning a very sharp corner, to put it in Mercedes words. Luckily it all comes together just in time for Asa’s performance at the infamous El Rey theater–and everyone reunites (except GG) at the first ever Persia Pelooza.
Two weeks ago, Shahs of Sunset abruptly ended at Sammy’s dinner party, or what was suppose to be the reconciliation of GG and Asa and all people Persian. Omid and Mike bowed up like roosters preparing to cock fight when GG grabbed the nearby dinner knife, grabbed her beau Omid and went for awalk outside. Fast forward to the opening of the finale episode, GG has returned from the walk sans Omid. Reza sits her down and prompts her for an apology to Asa since the Persian Pop Priestess has threatened to leave the premises. GG acts oblivious to Reza’s cues before finally delivering a half-ass apology to Asa that highlights her agressive actions at the pool party as ill-suited, yet the reason behind the actions logical. Asa answers flippantly.
“Sounds very complicated to me,” the Pop Priestess declares. But it’s when she physically uses her fingers to quote the word “apology” and calls her nemesis “crazy” and “a bully” that GG snaps. The 30-year-old starts swaying her head side-to-side like a Cobra about to make an attack. Frustrated and most likely fearful of GG’s unpredictable assaults, Asa calls GG and the entire situation “whack” and prepares to fled the scene. Hearing the word “whack” sends GG into a crazy song and dance about the word, which is actually quite funny. But the thing that is really whack about the scenario is everyone is now saying the word “whack”–a word that hasn’t been used since 1994.
Before Asa departs, Reza holds her hostage and tries to give GG an impromptu lesson on apologizing. As her eyes glaze over it becomes evident she doesn’t understand so Mike takes over. First he insults his student by telling Reza “she doesn’t have the mental capacity to understand… let me try talking… friendlier.” Now this is a comment that GG is warranted to go bat shit crazy over, but she doesn’t. Mike is right. She doesn’t understand. So she stares at him blankly and he explains how an apology works as if he is talking to a caveman. You too much pride. Be humble. No sorry, buts…
By the end of Mike’s message, everyone is ready to leave. Reza turns to GG and says, “You let me down.” MJ stands up next to her and gives her owl eyes. And one by one they file out of the door until it’s just GG and Sammy. The mission to reunite Persians was an epic failure. The night is over.
On a different day, MJ and Vida (her mother) have planned a shopping extravaganza, an exercise assigned by MJ’s therapist weeks ago. The goal of the adventure is to unite mother and daughter, and so the stipulations are Vida is not suppose to be critical of MJ and treat her like an adult, rather than a little girl. But before they can get out of MJ’s car Vida is already complaining about her daughters parking job. Then inside the store she’s complaining about the number of sunglasses MJ has and why she chooses to wear such tight clothing. Still, this is progress for the mother-daughter duo because they are spending time together. Usually the two end up fighting and one or the other storms out.
Cut to the life-size barbie doll know as Lilly. Surprise! She has ended her relationship with boyfriend Ali after a trip to Texas last week. The fact we’ve never seen him, he lives in a different state and we have only heard one unromantic phone call between the two, this really isn’t news to anyone–except maybe Lilly. But in her defense, having all that fake hair may make it harder for her to think as fast as the rest of us.
And finally, after hearing about it all season the infamous Persia Pelooza event is nearing. Asa needs to rehearse before the big performance, and so she hits up the rehearsal space that “all musical artists practice” in, even Gwen Stefani. The problem is Asa is not a musical artist, yet. Her routine–she realizes–is so hard and it dawns on the Persian Pop Priestess that she can’t shake her head to fling her hair and sing at the same time. The action and dancing changes the tone of her voice, which becomes a real performance conundrum. What if I can’t sing and dance at the same time? Asa says aloud, which is something that probably should have been determined before booking the show. Professional football players don’t play games unless they know they can defend or catch a ball. Painters don’t have art shows until they have created a collection. Even puppies aren’t bought until they are held and cuddled. It’s almost like Asa is trying to make a documentary of the integration of Persian Pop Culture in America and her role as the Persian Pop Priestess before the movement has even happened, regardless if it becomes successful. But bless her for trying. Asa may not be the best performer but she definitely has balls. Like really, I think she may be a man.
At his parents house across town, Mike has decided that his Italian girlfriend is the “one” for him and consequently has set up a date with his parents to deliver the news that he wants to marry outside his heritage. Upon arriving at the house, the family exchanges greetings kisses and once again I am bamboozled by the spread before them. On the coffee table is a plate of strawberries, a plate of dates, many plates of assorted pastries, bowls of nuts and I believe I even spotted a meringue or some sort of cream pie. If Shahs of Sunset has taught me anything it’s that Persians know how to be good hosts. The show has also taught me that Persians can be wasteful because no one seems to ever pick at or eat from these amazing spreads. What a waste!
Anyhow, Mike delivers the “Italian” news to his parents and his Mom immediately gives her blessing and acceptance, as long as she makes him happy. His Dad on the other hand has different feelings. Since he was away during most of Mike’s childhood he is searching for a daughter-in-law to call his own. His fear of not being able to communicate to her–the dad doesn’t speak great English, he says–will create a divide in the family. Of course, after the father and son squabble a bit he eventually also gives his blessing and Mike is free to marry anyone he wants, as long as it’s not Reza.
Speaking of Reza, he claims to have been dating his boyfriend for sometime now although we’ve only seen Adam once this season. During the finale, the two mustached men are on a date and taking a stroll along the beach in search of sea glass. It’s something Adam likes to do, and also something Reza claims is only for white people. Considering we have a mason jar full of sea glass in our living room Reza may be correct about this particular racial profiling. One point for Reza. Anyways it’s not the sea glass that has Reza asking questions it’s Adam’s Facebook status of ‘It’s complicated’ that is causing concern. Reza clearly is scared to death of monogamy but likes Adam who seems into it, and also genuinely seems like a nice guy. The two discuss who would ask the other for the hand in marriage–a question only gays ponder, Boom Reza. One point me.–and it’s decided that Adam would ask, at least I think. What is clear is that no marriage would happen anytime soon because Reza is unsure about spending his whole life with one penis, or two if you include his.
Drum roll please… Finally, the day of Persia Palooza has finally arrived and Asa is up early in preparation. Being a self-proclaimed Persian Pop Priestess is not as easy as some may think. First she must rid herself of the ‘bad-eye,’ an aura that comes from the ill wishes of others. So to rid herself of the bad-eye she boils something up on the stove–could have been mac n’ cheese for all we know–and then lets the steam run over her by moving the boiling pot all over her body (without touching it). Next she bathes in and drinks her homemade diamond water. And with fifteen hours to go until she showtime, it finally occurs to her she may fail. “What if I suck? Or people think I’m crazy,” she asks. To which I say too late Asa. Too late. Of course you’re crazy. Not even Jane Fonda in her workout video days wears as much spandex as you do. Not to mention, most people wear their diamonds instead of drinking them. But hey, we all have our ways.
In bathrooms all over Los Angeles, the Shahs are preparing for the night out. And first, we take a glimpse inside Lilly’s house where the glam squad has just arrived armed and ready to tackle her mane. During this session, they go for a curly look and by the time the team is finished she looks reminiscent of a winning poodle from a dog show. MJ has a surprise guest in her bathroom, and it’s George aka Drezzy, the young boy from her birthday party. Apparently the two have been secretly dating ever since meeting. She now even refers to him as boyfriend. GG is getting glammed up for the evening, but she’s decided not to go to Persia Palooza but to a different event in downtown Los Angeles called Fashion Menya. She realizes she’s been ostracized out of the circle and finally appears to be surrendering the white flag. She uses some kind of island metaphor to explain her situation within the Shahs of Sunset family but really, she’s just been kicked out of the cool kids club. That’s what we call it here in America, except soon she’ll realize there is no such thing as a cool kid club at all. And that my friends, is what we call growing up.
At Persia Pelooza the cast, minus GG, all arrive with significant others. Mike and his lady, Reza and Adam, MJ and Drezzy, Lilly and her hair–everyone is in attendance to support Asa take to the stage. Although Mike is the only one with realistic expectations of the performance. “I think she may have bit off more than she can chew.” Asa is backstage preparing and having her make up applied when her mom visits to bring her flowers. The endeavor makes Asa emotional and she tries to explain the importance of the performance and what it means to her family but what im thinking is–it’s not too late to quit. She did terrible in the studio with Andy and horrific at rehearsals, so what gives her the confidence to continue is unknown. But she does. And eventually she takes the stage and gives it her 100%. It’s not particularly a show I’d want to go see, ever, but it doesn’t matter. I still root for her to do well because nothing makes me more uncomfortable than a bad performer… except a bad performer in spandex with wings.
By the end of Persia Pelooza, everyone is in Asa’s star trailer hugging, reflecting and even having a food fight. It’s official. Another Season of Shahs has come to a close. So thanks to the cast for sharing your lives with us, and even allowing us to pick on you at times. Or, pick on you all of the time. It takes balls to have a camera follow your daily life (Asa knows what I’m talking about).