For the love of all that is entertaining and trashy about reality TV, will Snooki please have that baby already?
At this point on Snooki & Jwoww, she’s three or so months into her pregnancy. Sure, we’re happy for her in real life and all, but this is really putting a damper on our television viewing. In fact, I cannot imagine watching a season of Jersey Shore during which Snooki and Mike Sorrentino are both sober. What the hell’s the point?
Anyhoo, back to the current show that’s boring the tears out of us: Snooki & Jwoww. Here are the things that were apparently supposed to be interesting to viewers on last night’s show:
1. Jwoww and Roger argued. Big freakin’ deal, don’t we all? The sexless couple were fighting over some lawsuit that’s been brought against Jwoww, but never once did we hear for what she’s being sued. Since they avoided the topic, I assumed it was something juicy, so I turned to my friend Google for answers — and frankly, I welcomed the opportunity to multi-task as the show dragged on. Then I discovered her former landlord is suing her for letting Jersey Shore cameras into her rental house without asking in 2008. To which I said, WHO CARES? WHY ARE THEY FIGHTING ABOUT THIS?
2. The girls took their dudes to a drag show. And of course, the meat heads both got a lap dance. Normally, I love me some drag queens, but this was hard to watch because A) these queens were super hard to look at; and B) one did a handstand and landed with his balls in Roger’s face. Ew.
3. The gang had dinner with Jionni’s parents. They ate, looked at Jionni’s baby pictures and died of boredom. Oh wait, scratch that last part … that was me.
4. The girls are planning a trip to Cancun during spring break. That’s how MTV is trying to lure us back to watch this snooze festival again next week. But maybe next time, we won’t be stupid enough to skip the summer Olympics to watch these morons putter around their animal print apartment.
Or, better yet, we’ll just get drunk in place of Snooki. Back when I was younger, a dear friend shared with me this philosophy: “That’s why you should always drink BEFORE you get to the bar. Then you don’t have to wait for it to get fun.”
Certainly, the same might apply to watching Snooki & Jwoww.
Are you still watching this show? Do you care, or are you just biding your time until Jersey Shore returns?