It was a busy week for Snooki & Jwoww, who packed a whole lotta activities into the third episode of their Thursday night show.
They went out (with their dudes) for Jenni's birthday; shopped for draperies and home goods; went to a sex museum and dinner in New York; and finally, to a doctor appointment for Snooki.
As usual, they were filled with wisdom and astute observations, which are included here in the night's best quotes.
1. “I think strippers are disgusting,” said Snooki, also known as the girl who shows off her vagina for free on a regular basis. “I mean, they're sluts!”
2. “My biological clock is ticking,” said Jenni, who thought life was over at 27. “I don't want to be an old mom.”
3. “Thank God you're handsome, bro, because you're not very smart,” Roger to Jionni, after Jionni revealed that his dream job was to be a speed boat racer.
4. After a series of cracks about Jionni's small stature (including humming the Oompa Loompa song as they got into the car), Roger delivered this lovely gem: “I had a bigger bowel movement than you this morning.”
5. “Every store should have animal print because if they don't, it's a really boring store and I would never go in it.” Snooki.
6. At the fabric store, Snooki dropped this knowledge bomb: “Oh my God, I really have to frickin' poop. You shouldn't hold your poop in, especially when you're preggers. Technically, I am pooping for two people, so when you hold in your poop, you're backing up your kid's poop and I feel like that's not healthy.”
7. “I walked in the bathroom (to poop) and there were already turds chillin' in the toilet,” Snooki.
8. “Ooooh, what are these? Anal beads?” Jenni, at the sex museum.
9. “It is very common for deers to have threesomes,” sex museum worker to Snooki and Jwoww.
10. “This place makes me feel like a virgin,” Jwoww on the sex museum. “Let's buy our dildos and go to dinner.”
11. Snooki: “If the boys came to the museum, me and Jionni would be having sex in the bathroom.” Jenni: “You're a pig.”
12. “Are you pregnant?” Jwoww, to a woman who was clearly about 5,000 weeks pregnant.
13. Snooki began asking the woman questions about labor and delivery, such as “Does your vagina rip to your butthole? Does it feel like holding your farts in?”
14. “OBGYN: I don't know what it stands for, but I know it delivers babies.” Snooki
15. “He's looked at all our vaginas,” Snooki, talking about how her OBGYN is the same one Jionni's mom and sister use. (Hey Snooki, we've ALL seen YOUR vagina, remember?)