With the Big Brother Finale out of the way and Ian Terry walking away with a well-deserved win, we can all turn our attention back on Survivor! Or at least I can.
And I can say I’m enjoying this season two weeks in. Are you? It seems you are from the comments you leave below and the tweets you send me, spoilers included. I appreciate all of it, thank you!
It seems the producers are enjoying themselves too. But enjoying the goings-on over at Matsing much more than the other two tribes, as we got most footage from their camp in last night’s episode. As well we should have as Roxy the Seminary Student turned into multiple personalities right before our eyes.
Perhaps next week we will get more of what’s going on at Kalabaw or Tandang. We saw in the previews that Skupin has a new place to bleed from – his face! The poor guy…
But on to the rest of the poor souls who lived day after day in the pouring rain their first week in the Philippines:
KALABAW TRIBE: They won second place in the Immunity Reward Challenge and won tarp for their camp. They barely beat Matsing though, so they need to get it together.
PENNER: You were obsessed with finding the hidden immunity idol, taking the first chance to ransack the camp looking for it (-10 points) but in the end you found it all on your own (+25 points). You didn’t need to run around like a maniac yelling “I’m on fire!” when you found it (-10 points) but you later admitted to us that you had, indeed, acted a fool (+20 points). You can laugh at yourself. Your tribemates know exactly what you are about already (-10 points) so I hope you’ve been making progress on building some alliances that CBS is not showing us. You were a target from jump so it’s good you managed to get the idol. Your team won’t win every Immunity Challenge and you don’t want to have to use your idol too early, so slow down around camp. But please do continue being intense when you’re talking to us. And now that you’ve found the idol please stop bending over on your knees in your very wet underwear. It felt awkward but I couldn’t look away. Oh, and I read in an interview that if you win you will use the money to send one of your kids to medical school, etc. Worthy cause. WEEK 2 POINTS: 15 // TOTAL POINTS: 60
DAWSON: We didn’t get much of you this episode except the fact that you sat out for your team during the Immunity Challenge and, oh, you caught Penner in his wet undies bent up like a pretzel under your shelter looking for the hidden immunity idol (+15 points). That was a funny moment. I appreciate that you can keep the whole Jeff Kent thing to yourself (+10 points) but you seem to have a manic Cheshire grin plastered on your face anytime you are looking at him (-10 points). Jeff will think you’re either in love with him or that you recognize him. Either way it will be fun to watch, so thanks (+15 points). And continue to do what you’re doing around camp. We haven’t heard anything bad said about you so your social game seems to be working (+10 points). WEEK 2 POINTS: 40 // TOTAL POINTS: 75
KATIE: Okay, I don’t believe we actually got a word out of you save for some grunting during the Immunity Challenge. This means we didn’t get to hear you harp on about unity and you all being family and what not (+10 points). Clearly you did nothing interesting in the first week of taping because we have zero footage of you so you leave me no choice but to pick at your CBS bio and such. And I learned that your “reason for being on Survivor” is “Winning money and challenges! And, meeting the guy of my dreams!” So you actually gave reasons, plural (-10 points), unless that’s all supposed to be the one reason well, then, I think you will be disappointed either way. You are less likely to meet the man of your dreams than you are to win the title of Mrs. Delaware in due time. You can add that to your Miss Delaware 2011 title and there, you’re set. You’re physically fit (+10 points) and so I hope to see one of those challenges come up where you have to get physical with the other tribeswoman. That will be hot (+10 points). WEEK 2 POINTS: 20 // TOTAL POINTS: 0
JEFF: You’re so intense, but in a different way than Penner. You are darker. But you are also a baseball great and thus more testosterone-driven. Clearly Katie digs your vibe because she seems to trust you (+10 points). You should use her, but not for cuddly warmth in the nighttime cold. You performed well in the Immunity Challenge (+20 points) and that’s great for your tribe (+10 points) but all you give us are baseball analogies when it’s just you and the camera (-10 poits). Really? It’s because I used one last blog isn’t it? I hope we get some footage of you sleeping or napping or otherwise relaxing at least just a little bit. You’re gonna burn yourself out dude (-10 points). I care. Even if this isn’t happening live. I do wonder if anyone on the other tribes knows it’s you? Your own tribe members, save for Penner don’t look like they watched MLB “back in the day” but I do wonder about the others. But kudos on not having thrown out any baseball terminology around others, in your adrenaline-filled “challenge mode”, to give away your identity (+10 points). Yet. WEEK 2 POINTS: 30 // TOTAL POINTS: 65
DANA: As a superfan of the show I expect a lot from you. Ian was a superfan of Big Brother and look what he did with his opportunity! You sucked last Immunity Challenge and you came close to another poor performance this week but you pulled through in the end (+10 points) and helped your team build momentum. You know the show and so you know that being a caller in “blindfolded” challenges is risky. Nobody listened to you at first but then you gained control (+15 points) when your team needed to pull out the second place finish. Other than that it seems Penner running by you, yelling he was on fire after finding the idol, is all we really got about you this episode. Unless I mistook Carter for you and I missed you. I don’t know. But I feel like at some point this season I will mistake you for Carter, or vice versa. Apologies, in advance. WEEK 2 POINTS: 25 // TOTAL POINTS: 35
CARTER: Hey Carter! So I was looking forward to hearing you speaking this week and now looking back I realize that you didn’t (-10 points). Uncanny. Speak young man! I realize you have a very small mouth but I’m SURE you have much to say. In the meanwhile, you did a nice job during the Immunity Challenge (+15 points). You’ve got some strength and determination in that body of yours judging from your performance these past two weeks (+10 points). But judging from your current Facebook profile photo you’ve got get a new a stylist. Your hair is too long. But this blog has nothing to do with such petty observations so I will not deduct points. You lucky kinda creepy looking nice guy you! WEEK 2 POINTS: 15 // TOTAL POINTS: 65
TANDANG TRIBE: Their tribe came in second place in last week’s Immunity Challenge and thus they were awarded flint in addition to your immunity. This week they win and earned themselves blankets, pillows and tarp. Ka-ching. Nice.
SKUPIN: Your tribe gets off to a great start with you and Pete on the first leg of the Immunity Challenge (+15 points). To nobody’s surprise you continue to maim yourself in small doses (-10 points) and you are probably just an infection away from a fever and medi-vac. Sigh. Oh Skupin. I imagine it felt uncomfortable laughing along with the rest of your tribe as they made fun of Blair, in her absence. Boo on you for laughing along but you have laugh with the cool kids to be in the cool kids club, right? Please tell me there’s footage of you talking to Blair in an attempt to sort her out. I’m hoping that peak of you with blood running down your face just looked worse than it actually was. Dude. Slow down. It’s an island. Nobody’s really going anywhere until Tribal Council. And watch out for RC, she thinks of you as her father. WEEK 2 POINTS: 5 // TOTAL POINTS: 45
ABI-MARIA: You are reality tv gold, just because there’s so much going on in that head of yours that it’s fun to watch you (+10 points). You are so paranoid, in a Brazilian accent, that you add a different kind of spice than we’ve had in past seasons. Plus, you’re crazy (+10 points). You telling RC, in the first week, in not so many words that you would kill her if she screwed you over to her face made me smirk then snort a little. Holy paranoid wreck (-10 points). Calm down. Your sitting out of the Immunity Challenge was probably a good thing because Blair rocked and so did RC and I don’t think you can do puzzles or drag something like a horse if you needed to. Or maybe I’m just judging based on bias for fun. But I learned that you now have a bum knee as a result of your experience on Survivor. Cool, but not. Ouch. You say Blair “work hard enough to connect with the tribe” but shit, I would walk away too if you were all talking about pizza and burgers and, um, food. WEEK 2 POINTS: 10 // TOTAL POINTS: 20
RC: Gosh, you’re strong. But then again, you have to be to cross the English Channel. I’m never going to let that go. I’m both in awe and dislike of you at the end of the Survivor day. I can’t explain it except to say it’s not the worst thing. I’d love to hear you talk about your experiences as an “Executive Assistant” so we can see if you can pull off lying. So far, we’ve only seen you telling the brutal truth and keeping track of Skupin’s self-inflicted injuries. You performed well in the Immunity Challenge last week, and you did so this week (+15 points) with your brute manwoman strength. Nice move checking the rice for fungus during the downpour (+5 points) because you stumbled upon the clue to the idol (+15 points). But you were caught in the act by Abi-Maria and because you are in an alliance with her you have to share it with her right then and there (-10 points). Oh well. Just hope she doesn’t go Roxy on you, although I have a feeling she does but succeeds where Roxy failed. I have to say you handled Abi-Maria’s mini-meltdown pretty well (+10 points). I would have laughed in her face and she would have flung her claws at me. WEEK 2 POINTS: 35 // TOTAL POINTS: 70
ARTIS: I feel like Groundhog’s Day with you right now because “I know there’s still time yet in the season, but I really wanted you to get more air-time” is what I said last week and I am saying it again this week. I vaguely remember you laughing with the rest of your tribe about Blair (-10 points) and that made me sad. It also think Oh yeah, Artis is on the show. Not good. Although there are so many loose cannon alpha people running around there’s no point in you taking the spotlight (+10 points). Just keep riding the Immunity Challenge wins and getting along back at camp. WEEK 2 POINTS: 0 // TOTAL POINTS: 25
LISA: Okay, watching you cry made me angry and then it made me feel really bad for you. Damnit. I’m going to call you Lisa from here on out (+10 points). No more Blair. Just to pay you respect, and also because I’ve gotten out all my humming to The Facts of Life to last me a lifetime. But I’m not going to be any less vocal about bad moves you make. You need to buck up and be the Lisa we see in challenges excelling and taking charge of Puzzles (+25 points). This will be recognized now after back-to-back successes with you at the puzzle helm (+10 points). Stop crying and wandering off on your own without notice (-10 points). They think you are searching for the idol (-10 points) when you’re out in the woods sitting on the well crying and spilling your guts saying things like “I was alone since I was 12 to leave to go to California to be in the Mickey Mouse Club,” and it made me feel bad. But get in the game, your tribe members think you are a shady but beautiful old lady who’s scavenging for the idol. This is not good Mama Lisa (-10 points). WEEK 2 POINTS: 15 // TOTAL POINTS: 55
PETE: You did well in the Immunity Challenge (+15 points) again (+10 points). You compared Lisa to “a dog that runs away one two many times and needs to be shot” (-20 points) as you watched her scurry away into the woods. The rest of your tribe laughed. This makes me not like you a little. I’m surprised we didn’t see you and Abi cuddling in the cold rainy nights like we saw others doing. Perhaps it will happen a little later in the season. I can’t figure out if CBS is trying to give you a good edit, or if you just don’t bring anything to the screen. WEEK 2 POINTS: 5 // TOTAL POINTS: 30
MATSING TRIBE: They lost their second Immunity Challenge in a row but it’s okay because they gained a personality in Roxy that they didn’t know was there before. Their numbers are dwindling and it doesn’t look good for them, at this rate, once a merge happens.
RUSSELL: Thanks for changing up your tune this week and acknowledging your unnecessary domineering too early in the game (+10 points). As a result, you have provided some great one-liners what with your “She some boob thing going on, they’re popping up all over the place” about Angie and “You get your bang on somewhere else” about Malcolm, in relation to Angie. Awesome (+20 points). You and Angie kinda sucked during the Immunity Challenge (-10 points) but I realize it wasn’t your fault (+10 points). Oh well. And then you went and into Tribal Council you voted the “wrong way” (-15 points) in trying to save your alliance (+10 points) not knowing Denise and Malcolm have a deal. Ironic, since you will probably now cleave to Denise a little more. But I do give you credit for that pep talk you gave Roxy, before she went off the deep end of the seminary pool. It’s still nice to see someone try to pull another back to this side of sanity (+10 points). Although you really didn’t need to fling that puzzle piece upon losing the Immunity Challenge (-10 points). Tsk tsk tsk. There are better ways to lose. WEEK 2 POINTS: 15 // TOTAL POINTS: 40
MALCOLM: You are honest in telling us that you knew you shouldn’t snuggle with Angie, but you and your libido chose to. I can appreciate honesty (+10 points). But it’s clearly caused a rift in your tribe. But you caught on to your tribe members being unhappy with the situation, pretty quickly (+10 points). You think Roxy is too far out of her element and that she doesn’t do enough around camp, which is a coincidence since she gunned for you and Angie. Your best move so far seems to be the deal you made with Denise (+10 points). I hope you stick with it. I feel like she’d help you get further. Clearly, with Angie on your mind and man muscle, you need Denise to balance everything out. Watch your step there because it looks like Probst is out to get you too as he justifiably called you out for excusing Angie for the “Cookies!” out burst at Tribal Council. Don’t be weak dude (-10 points). You’re too big in stature for that. Besides, Probst also seem seems to be out to uncover whether or not you and Angie are cuddling romantically so you are already in hot water (-10 points). Probst will trip you up during Tribal and not think twice! WEEK 2 POINTS: 10 // TOTAL POINTS: 25
ANGIE: I don’t care if you yelled out “Cookies!” like a three-year-old cherub, when Probst asked you what you would change in the Survivor game if you could (-15 points). Whether or not you are playing clueless or you are indeed clueless, you are cute enough to do so (+10 points). Carry on. No, but really, I can’t blame you for moving in on Malcolm in the cold of the night (+10 points) both for warmth (+5 points) and gameplay (+10 points). I told you last blog that it was inevitable. And according to Roxy, it was “full-on cuddling” which could mean a number of different things depending on the speaker. You nearly collapsed during the Immunity Challenge but it was less health-related and more dramatic pageant girl and model (-10 points). You don’t want to just rely on just being cute so you’d better improve on, well, everything. But you did keep an even temperament during Tribal Council while Roxy was raging on you and Malcolm (+10 points). Though I do agree with Roxy that your argument that you were cuddling with Malcolm “like a brother” is disturbing. WEEK 2 POINTS: 20 // TOTAL POINTS: 40
ROXY: I don’t think anyone, including Probst, expected you to lash out with your tongue and secular worldliness the way you did. From making comments about Angie using here “booby trap” on Malcolm, in reference to Angie’s very large and round fake pretty breasts, to saying “It’s Ms. America all day long, again about Angie. My you had quite a vengeance towards her! Before your exit you managed to doubt your faith, not drink enough water, call out to God in thanks for the sun, then started speaking in tongues and/or chanting. And it all cost you the game. ELIMINATED.
DENISE: You and Russell get to overhear Roxy on the beach “encountering God all over again” and you point-blank tell us that we will never seeing you “praying to God” because it’s up to you to win the game and not God (+10 points). You are growing on me, and it’s because you have a cool poker face and steady hand in your gameplay (+10 points). You get approached by both Russell and Roxy and ultimately choose Malcom and Angie over them. You didn’t do badly as the caller in the Immunity Challenge but your tribe had another loss coming because of all the disunity anyway. I look forward to seeing where your decisions and ultimately game lead you. WEEK 2 POINTS: 20 // TOTAL POINTS: 60
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We’re only at the start of the season and I think we are in for some great television! I’m sorry to see Roxy leave already because we’re missing out on more battling with Angie, but there was no stopping the words pouring out of that girl’s mouth!
But among those left, it looks like Dawson is #1 with 75 points thus far this season!