Here are a few things that may excite you more than last night’s episode of Survivor:
- You can now get 1940 US Census now available for free online…if you’re into locating “a person of interest”, ahem, whatever that means.
- A 900-year-old Chinese bowl sold at a Sotheby’s auction for nearly $27 million yesterday…some crazy stuff eh?
- Kanye West and Kim Kardashian have gone public with their love…and since Kanye’s name also starts with a “K” he is obviously the best kandidate to replace Kris Humphries.
So…WAS it just me? I found last night’s episode so close to being great but falling short…kinda like going on a date that could have been great but at the end of the night there just wasn’t enough chemistry going on to warrant getting naked. Or kinda like 42 minutes of sex without the big O…good but not good enough. I know you know I know you know what I mean. And I know you know I could go on forever with these analogies…
And speaking of the big O…last week I asked you all to vote on who had the best “O” face of the three lovely ladies below:
And somehow some way, Kat won. And so she will be awarded +5 points this blog. Ugh.
Hopefully I can take those five points away from her anyway…
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
MICHAEL: Oh thank goodness you’re gone. I’m not sure you added anything to the show save for your monotonous “wanh, wanh, wanh, wuh-wahn, wahn” speech pattern that I can only compare to that of Charlie Brown’s teacher.
Michael’s Overall Point Tally: FAIL
KIM: I do agree with you that what Chelsea did was “asinine” (+5 points) although can’t deny that Chelsea’s got the cutest little butt therefore she’s more “ASSinine” than anything else! You pretty much kicked ass in both challenges last night (+5 points) and you single-handedly orchestrated Michael’s exit (+5 points). But really, you need to stop with the wanna-be Andy Rooney monologues during tribal council (-5 points). This isn’t 60 Minutes.
Kim’s Overall Point Tally: +10 points
CHELSEA: Boy did you have a big brainfart (-5 points). Clearly, you need an app to keep track of your alliances…and plastic surgeons, according to Tarzan. I did wonder if your boobs were real but now it’s confirmed they’re not. Do continue your fighting with Tarzan…it’s quite impressive that you can maintain your rage and refrain from campaigning for his torch to be snuffed out (+5 points).
Chelsea’s Overall Point Tally: 0 points
SABRINA: Nice work during the reward challenge (+5 points). I thought for sure you’d go flying into the sand like so many others did but you kept it together. Your name hasn’t been brought up once before tribal council so you’re doing something right. Keep it up.
Sabrina’s Overall Point Tally: +5 points
KAT: I can’t thank you enough for landing face-first after coming off the slide (+5 points). You were already growing on me a little more but that fall was just what I needed to satisfy my pettiness. I can now move forward and be nicer to you.
And where did you get the word “rantic” when you were talking about Tarzan? Is that your word or did you hear someone else use it? Did you really mean “rant” or “antic” because I kinda love the combo of “rantic” (+5 points). I have so many questions…
Kat’s Overall Point Tally: +10 points
TROY: Duuuuuuuuude…do you need someone to burp you after taking in everything Kim fed you? Geez, you were way too easy (-5 points). Although I still think you have a pretty strong chance at getting to the end with the crew that’s left (+5 points). And nice job getting to the final round in the Immunity Challenge (+5 points). You might want to work on your poker face though.
Michael could see in your face and body language that you voted for him.
Troy’s Overall Point Tally: +5 points
JAY: You killed the Immunity Challenge (+5 points) out of nowhere (+5 points).
You tell us though, that you’re “frightened of being overpowered by the girls” in the first few minutes of the episode…and I just want to say it’s okay…sometimes it’s fun to let us “overpower” you. Trust me.
Jay’s Overall Point Tally: +10 points
ALICIA: As much as I enjoyed Kat falling at at the Reward Challenge, your fall way more entertaining. Thank you (+5 points).
Clearly the camera guys enjoyed it too as they gave us different angles by which to laugh at you. Oh, and good job during the Immunity Challenge (+5 points)…you didn’t win but I didn’t expect you to get to the final round. Don’t let it happen again.
Alicia’s Overall Point Tally: +10 points
CHRISTINA: 차차차!!! Yes. I feel the need to open every week’s blog with a “차차차!!!”. I believe it’s the reason you’re still in the damn game, really. Korean Power!
According to my momz, you will never be able to marry into a decent Korean family now that your ass has been bared on national television. It’s all good…marrying a fellow Korean is highly over-rated. You might want to do some damage control in the game though. I still don’t get why you left your team in the water to do all the work (-5 points).
Christina’s Overall Point Tally: -5 points
LEIF: I love how you pointed out how lame Christina was during the Reward Challenge (+5 points). Week after week you prove yourself to be a fierce competitor. And oh, I have never in my life jumped as high as I saw you jump after winning the reward.
You rock (+5 points). I’m wondering how much longer you’re going to last in the game because there’s no way you WOULDN’T win if you got to the end. Seriously.
Leif’s Overall Point Tally: +10 points
TARZAN: Holy Phillip Sheppard reincarnated! Your whole “Do you dislike me because of a bad experience with plastic surgery?” line of questioning with Chelsea had me ROLLING (+5 points). Then you go and get under Probst’s skin at tribal council (+5 points) and all of a sudden I’m really liking you, you crazy freak! You won’t win the game but you will go far. But please take it easy with your choice of toothpicks. OMG.
Tarzan’s Overall Point Tally: +10 points
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Isn’t sad that one of the highlights of the episode for me was seeing Jonas again?
HONORABLE MENTION: Jonas
Oh Jonas. I could barely see your eyes you were smiling so hard (I do this all the time). And I’m happy you made jury because that means I’ll be able to see more faces like this one as the voting gets uglier and uglier.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
And with that, another week and another Power Rankings blog comes to an end.
Let’s all bow our heads in prayer that next week will be a better week and there will be more life to the episode and thank our God 7Up…amen.
Oh, and I’ve awarded everyone 15 points…to celebrate my little Noah’s 15th day in the world! I mean…you all know I just had a baby 15 days ago right? Teehee
And congrats to Jay for pulling away with a lead big enough to reign as #1! Give me a high-pitched squeal Jay!