I spoke too soon last week. Now we really ARE “left with a hairy old weirdo with poop stains on his panties and six chicks” with Troyzan voted out.
FUG! FUG! FUG!
KILL! KILL! KILL!
MARRY? MARRY? MARRY?
Yes. Okay. Nice segue. Let’s play a game…
Marry-Fug-Kill. MFK is the name of the game this power rankings blog! And points will be awarded accordingly:
MARRY: 10 Points
FUG: 5 Points
KILL: -5 Points
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CHRISTINA: 차차차!!! Yes. If given the choice between you, Chelsea and The Pig, it is you that I would marry (+10 points).
The Reward Challenge must have sucked for you…to be voted as NOT deserving “to still be here” but you took the news well and also kept your cool even though you knew your name would be coming up at tribal (+5 points). A good wife needs to know when to keep her cool and when to freak out and yell “You’re Wrong SO SHUT UP!” and so I would totally marry you. You’d make a good Korean wife.
Christina’s Overall Point Tally: +15 points
CHELSEA: Holy hotness Chelsea! I would totally FUG you with or without all the lube (+5 points)! Clearly the producers had you in mind when they decided on a lubed-slip-and-slide challenge. Yum.
Nice work getting Kim to take you to grab some grub (+5 points) and then coming in final two at the Immunity Challenge (+5 points).
Chelsea’s Overall Point Tally: +15 points
THE PIG: Thank you for making everyone run around like idiots and breaking up an otherwise boring episode. Unfortunately, I have to tell you that I WOULD totally kill you. And eat you.
SABRINA: Even if they made your doll look like a man, I’d still marry you out of a choice of you and the “Zan”s (+10 points). Sure, you looked like a Dr. Drew rehab crackhead about the whole pig event…but I’d still marry you.
But to be a more “whole” wifey, you will need to do something about that “Who does the least for their tribe” issue (-5 points). Nobody likes a lazy wife. Nor does anyone like a wife with loose lips. You really should have thought twice before spilling the voting plan to Christina (-5 points).
Sabrina’s Overall Point Tally: 0 points
TROY: You poor thing. You tried your best. I will miss you…and would rather fug you over Sabrina or Tarzan.
Sigh. See you around on Twitter.
Troy’s Overall Point Tally: FAIL
TARZAN: Um, yeah. I don’t think I could ever fug you nor could I ever marry you. Therefore you must die in this particular blog (-5 points).
Tarzan’s Overall Point Tally: -5 points
KIM: Survivor or not I think you’re totally marry-able (+10 points)…even if you tried it once already and it didn’t work out. Plus, you looked particularly ravishing this episode (+5 points). I think you look better with clothes ON at this point in your Survivor anorexia.
You admitted your faux pas in taking Chelsea instead of Kat on that picnic-on-a-remote-island-after-a-very-Bachelor-helicopter-ride but you still deserve a kick in the ass for that one (-5 points). You do however deserve some points from me for kicking ass in both the Immunity Challenge (+10 points) and the Reward Challenge (+5 points). If you get to the end you have 100% of winning considering the majority of ovaries trust you with their life and would rather be deserted on an island with you over anyone else.
Kim’s Overall Point Tally: +20 points
KAT: Wake TFU! According to everyone, you most need a wake up call in life. You also need to grow TFU. Stop the crying and tantrums and grudge-holding already (-5 points). I’d never marry you but I’d also never actually kill you, so hey, let’s fug (+5 points). It looks like you’ve been working on your “O” face since a few episodes ago anyway…
And seriously…“Noone thinks that I’m the one running the show”…well because, you’re NOT?! You do need a wake up call.
Kat’s Overall Point Tally: 0 points
ALICIA: Ugh. You’re so gross (-5 points). “Christina's IQ is probably a zero, I don’t know if that even exists…I mean I’m a special ed teacher so I handle Christina as one of my students and she's gonna do whatever we tell her to do.” Wow, really? I don’t even think “Kill” works for you. I’d rather “Bury” you (-5 points).
Alicia’s Overall Point Tally: -10 points
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DIRTY QUOTES OF THE EPISODE:
Yes. After giving birth more than a month ago my mind has been revolving around sex 23 hours out of 24.
“It’s a lot more fun to be taken than be the one who has to take,” said Kim (Um, I think being a giver and taker is a way more balanced life to lead).
“You’ve got to hit it harder than that!” yelled Probst. (That’s what I’m talking about! I realize he meant the slip-and-slide tarp but still…my mind wandered…)
And now my eye wanders down to the scoreboard to see…Kim is in the #1 spot! But historically…#1 isn’t the best spot if you look at some of the others who once held that spot…