Thank you Switzerland for making these last few episodes worth tuning in for…and my sincere apologies for ABC scattering your land with Ben’s bodily fluids. And for the record…the “theme” song for this season, David Gray’s “This Year’s Love” should officially be renamed “Get Yourself Tested This Year”. Ew.
So where do we even begin to put an end now that the finale and “After the Final Hos” are behind us? We all knew Ben ended up choosing Courtney right?!
I think it only appropriate to end with a Top 10 Dos and Don’ts Moments, don’t you agree?
Top 10 Moments
1. DO be sure to bundle up to the point of choking yourself, especially after freezing your ass off last episode…while in Switzerland…in the fall.
2. DO pick your nose in front of the cameras to remind us just how gross you are and just how right Emily was to hand you that hand sanitizer upon meeting your grimy ass. Now we know why your hair is always so damn greasy grossness.
3. DON’T get caught somehow looking WORSE than Ben Flatulence.
I mean, Lindzi, who CARES if you kept dropping your fork and you “get a little stressed out” when you “have to eat proper”. I mean, I’m sure “Proper” is a perfectly nice girl you hooked up with once, and you probably hurt her feelings with that comment last night.
4. DO pick up some conditioner…or hot oil treatment…or a pair of FREAKING scissors at the hotel gift shop before appearing on television again. Unless you, like Ben, want people to think your family cares nothing about hair care.
And did you really ask Lindzi “But you’re willing to get down and dirty a little bit?”?! Like, do you know ANYTHING about your skuzzy brother?! For someone who used the term “red flag” THREE TIMES in a row, you certainly put up your white flag panties pretty easily for Courtney.
5. DO make it uber-obvious that you’re envisioning your “Cream Dream” tool in place of the majestic Matterhorn.
6. DO keep your stink-eye on the prize.
7. DO go out in style… Throwing a “Good luck…and if things don’t work out, call me,” while looking like Dumbledore must have been hard. But you boarded that helicopter and went on your way the best way you could. Good luck with life…and the next Quidditch match!
Oh, and don’t think I didn’t notice you slipping in that emphasis on the godforsaken “t” in your pronunciation of “cerT-Tin-lee” like you always do with “imporT-Tent”. Ugh. Go away forever.
8. See #6. Nicely played Courtney.
9. DO continue this charade you call your life:
So that we an all laugh a little harder when things like this surface:
10. We DON’T feel sorry for you.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sigh. That’s it. Really. I know Chris Harrison wants us to believe that Ben and Courtney are still together…and that Ashley is the new “Trista” (never gonna happen)…and that “Bachelor Pad” isn’t “STD Pad”…
But we all know better.
What I DON’T know…is what’s up with the pots-of-whatever on the coffee tables in every scene last night…anyone know?
Jun is a “lifetime New Yorker” who worked on Wall Street and won Big Brother 4. She recently married the man of her dreams, and left her NYC life behind for Belgium! Jun is a feisty one and doesn’t hold back! Check out her Big Brother, Survivor, The Bachelor blogs here on Reality Nation.