First things first: Tierra is finally gone from The Bachelor. And it’s about time — not merely because she was our season’s designated troublemaker, or because she would have been a high-maintenance nightmare for Sean Lowe in the long run, though both are certainly true. Rather, I’m glad she’s gone because her numerous fights with the other women on the show were getting almost impossible to understand.
Take the argument that marked the beginning of the end for Tierra on Monday – does anybody even remember what she and AshLee were fighting about? All I could get out of it was Tierra’s insistence that she’s been targeted out of jealousy, and that AshLee might as well be dead because she’s 32. Also, Tierra has unpredictable eyebrows that sparkle.
Let’s hope everyone got their fill of the female warfare, because Tierra’s time on The Bachelor ended with this argument, and because the remaining women won’t be spending any more time together, save for the last two rose ceremonies and “The Women Tell All.” Our final four is pretty closely matched, although I think one of those four is a significant longshot.
Sean and the final six flew to St. Croix – and in a departure from the norm, they arrived together, because he’s all about breaking the rules this season! As the women move into their lavish beachside inn, Tierra can be spotted pushing a rollaway cot into a spare room – because that’s how little she wants to spend time with the other women. Elsewhere, AshLee, who Tierra reminds us is 32 and thus a complete loser for not already being married, is preparing for her one-one-one date with Sean.
She and Sean swim out to a catamaran, cavort on deck for a while, and then head to another beach. At this point Sean, who clearly has not been prompted in any way to bring this up, asks AshLee if the drama between the women has subsided any. She brings up Tierra’s refusal to mix with the others and points out that he is only seeing her friendly side. Sean says that he’s glad she told him this, though everything about Bachelor history suggests AshLee has just taken a huge risk. But that’s nothing compared to what she tells him next.
After a comical amount of hesitation, she finally reveals her biggest secret: a quickie marriage when she was still a teenager, prompted by her desire to escape a bad situation at home. You can see Sean doing the math in his head, and realizing that AshLee had already been through a divorce before he had gotten his first pimple. But outwardly, he plays it off as no big deal at all! I don’t think her problem in getting to the end is so much her age, but that her somewhat bonkers emotional intensity doesn’t seem to be what Sean wants. It doesn’t surprise me that she ended the date by screaming “I love Sean!” on the beach, but wow. No.
Tierra finally got her own one-on-one date next, though she whined that its highlight would be a stroll through town that would no doubt involve mixing with insects and shopkeepers. “I hate that bitch,” Lesley muttered upon hearing this. Tierra hid her disappointment well enough around Sean, who was smart to buy her some baubles at the roadside stands (presumably with ABC’s money).
Sean’s interactions with Tierra definitely seem more guarded on this date. He tries to get her own take on the house drama (without revealing what AshLee told him), and Tierra says that any tension is likely the result of lingering jealousy going back to when she got the season’s first rose. Sean’s sudden interest in asking her about drama strikes her as suspicious, as if AshLee had maybe gotten in his ear. You think? “These girls aren’t gonna be around for much longer,” she tells him, as if to excuse her rudeness. When he tells her that the constant controversies might have put her in a worse position, she’s ready to go on the warpath, but still sweetly tells Sean that she’s falling for him. Is it possible he’s finally seen through Tierra? We’ve had some false alarms there before.
Say, remember last week, when Lindsay told Sean she sleeps naked? That might have been why he showed up in the ladies’ bedroom in the pre-dawn hours to rouse Lindsay, Catherine, and Desiree for the group date. No one was naked, but Sean said he welcomed the opportunity to see everyone without makeup. Seriously: the idea on this show is that you might propose to a woman without ever having seen her without makeup? Bizarre.
There was method to his madness: the plan for the date was for the gang to drive to the eastern end of St. Croix and watch the sun rise, spend the day traveling to various sites along the shore, and then watch the sun set in the west. How geographical! As the day proceeds, Lindsay and Catherine sense that Sean is spending a little more time around Desiree than with them, and that she’s parking herself next to the driver’s seat more often. But by the time they reach the western beach, everyone gets their chance for some alone time, with conversations veering towards the upcoming hometown visits – a critical topic here, since this is the one date that carries with it a rose, and a guarantee of that very visit.
Sean and Lindsay talk very briefly, then start kissing. If nothing above the neck had any say in this, he’d have already picked her and called off the rest of the show. Catherine had another awful story this week, telling Sean that he won’t be meeting her father, who lives in China and has had lifelong emotional issues that included a suicide attempt in front of the whole family. Desiree gets emotional talking about the prospect of him meeting her folks, because she loves them so much. She’s been set up as the favorite, but in a surprise, Sean gives Lindsay the rose, meaning that Missouri is going to see a whole lotta PDA next Monday. There’s no visible sunset, because of the cloud cover. Awwwww.
Speaking of clouds, Sean teases his one-on-one date with Lesley by saying that he doesn’t think they are progressing very quickly. Well, if kissing her for three minutes didn’t do the trick … the two of them head to a plantation and walk around examining fruit. Seriously, this may be the least consequential date in Bachelor history, so much so that we never even see them having dinner at night. Lesley says she knows she needs to tell him that she’s falling for him, but pulls up short at the last second. These two look as natural together as a cop interrogating a suspect. It’s hard to tell what happened here because she’s bright and gorgeous, but her blondeness and Washington-based career might have been a pair of dealbreakers.
At this point, Sean sought advice from the trusted oracle in his life: not Chris Harrison, but his sister Shay. Big sis comes across as someone who has watched a lot of this show, because she seems to have a lot of the correct questions, reminding him that he had promised he wouldn’t wind up with the woman that everyone hates. And because everything on The Bachelor unfolds naturally and organically, it’s at this point that Tierra and AshLee begin their epic climactic battle only a few feet away, in the hotel suite.
Tierra began the “discussion” by questioning AshLee about the possibility she had trashed her on her solo date with Sean, which quickly devolved into Tierra blasting all the “high school stuff” the others have been engaged in. Men love her, and she can’t help it if women get jealous, she huffs. Later, the fight moves into the bedroom, with Lesley and Catherine as the audience. AshLee calls out Tierra for being rude, and then things get zany.
AshLee brings up her raised eyebrow. “Raised eyebrow? AshLee, that’s my face! I can’t help it, I have had no botox … I can’t control my eyebrow!” Tierra yells. She then brings up what her parents allegedly told her before coming on: “’Tierra, you have a sparkle. Do not let those girls take your sparkle away!’” In a totally convenient and unscriped development, Sean heads up to get Tierra to talk to Shay, just as the fight ends and Tierra storms off to cry alone in her room. When he finds her, all she can do is phony-weep about how terrible it is that he keeps seeing her like this. She’s so sensitive! And this cold world is so hard! And the other girls are so mean! Needless to say, there won’t be any meeting with Shay. “This is turning into a nightmare,” Sean admits, about a month behind the rest of Planet Earth.
He returns to Tierra and tells her it’s over: he’s still crazy about her, but because she’s so fragile, it’s best that she leave here and now. This isn’t the most sincere line I’ve ever heard – how would you like it if someone said they were breaking up with you for your own good? – but we’ll take it. As she rides away in the Minivan of Rejection (they’re informal in the Virgin Islands), she weeps bitterly: “I can’t believe they did this to me! I hope the girls got what they wanted!” Yeah, probably.
Sean cancels the cocktail party on the grounds that he knows what he has to do, and since we saw him more excited about the avocados earlier than he was about Lesley, it’s no surprise when she hits the bricks. Her ouster sparks a bizarre outburst from Catherine, who cries because she thought Lesley was absolutely perfect for Sean, so how could she have misjudged him so much? Uh … I guess you could always volunteer to leave instead? What a nutbar. As for Lesley, she’s blonde, from Arkansas, and works for a Democratic consulting firm. If Bill Clinton isn’t hitting that yet, this world makes no sense anymore.
Next week: Hometowns, where one of Desiree’s loved ones is apparently into roid rage.