RECAP: Emily Plays A Shakesperian Hood Rat

Kalon gets his comeuppance, and Jef makes his first move.

RECAP: Emily Plays A Shakesperian Hood Rat

Most of the chatter about this week’s Bachelorette will likely be about how Kalon talked his way off the show. But since he didn’t seem all that broken up about it, I was more intrigued by what Monday’s London episode told us about Sean, Arie, and Jef With One F, our presumed final three.

Both Sean and Jef had managed to move to the top of the leaderboard without benefit of a solo date, but those oversights were dealt with in London. Emily Maynard and the blond Sean roamed the sprawling capital, with the highlight being Sean taking to a soapbox at Hyde Park’s Speaker’s Corner and declaiming about the glories of love. The pair later had a nice quiet dinner in the Tower of London, which Emily apparently believes was once the home of British kings, instead of the place where kings sent their enemies to rot. These two look perfect together, and Sean comes across as a stable, normal guy – almost too normal for this franchise. But it seemed throughout the date that Emily was trying to talk herself into having a better time than she really was having.

The group date featured a very hoarse Emily (the English damp obviously didn’t agree with her) and eight clueless bachelors traveling to Stratford to act out scenes from Romeo and Juliet. Lots of uncomfortable jokes about these oh-so-manly men having to play female roles and speak Shakespearian language.  Americans!

Ryan did a decent job of rehabilitating himself both in the play and at the subsequent drinks-and-chatter session, though previews suggest he’s back to his old tricks next week. But the real fireworks at the date came when news of Kalon’s dissing of little Ricki back at the hotel finally got back to Emily through roundabout means. Chris told Doug (these guys are friends now?) that Kalon had called the girl “baggage,” and Doug decided to spill to Emily.

One thing you can say for Kalon: this wasn’t exactly a Bentley situation. He had been open all along regarding his ambivalence about being with a mother, and Emily had decided to keep him around anyway. When confronted by Emily, who had promised to go “West Virginia hood rat backwoods on his ass,” he didn’t really deny using the word “baggage,” and didn’t seem interested in explaining himself in a way that might make him seem less like a poser who came on The Bachelorette to raise his socialite profile in Houston. So Emily told him to get lost, and Kalon took the Range Rover of Rejection outta there.

Emily chastised the remaining men over not coming to her sooner with all this. In defense of these guys, it’s never easy to know how to present accusations that someone isn’t there for the right reasons – remember Ben Flajnik and “tread lightly?” Still, Emily was bummed enough to refuse to hand out a rose on the date.

This set the stage for the first solo date for Jef With One F, who Emily has been getting impatient with. After a ridiculous etiquette lesson from some fussy Brit, it was on to fish-and-chips, where Jef tried to reassure the Bachelorette that he had always stuck up for Ricki in the house. The suspense here was whether Jef was going to make a move or not – “he needs to show me, not tell me, that’s he’s into me,” Emily warned viewers – but after someone time inside the London Eye, he was finally inspired to deliver the First Kiss. He seems less like a plausible stepdad than Arie and especially Sean, and Emily hasn’t really gone for the boyish types, so it’s hard to understand what she’s seeing with him.

The cocktail party was highlighted by Emily’s obvious irritation with Arie over his failure to alert her to Kalon’s antics, and all he could do was promise it wouldn’t happen again. She sent a further message by leaving his rose for last. We didn’t see Emily speaking to Alejandro during the party, so it wasn’t much of a surprise to see the mushroom farmer not get a rose. The native Spanish speaker was the only bachelor who recognized “a rose by any other name would smell as sweet” as being the work of Shakespeare, so he was clearly too good for this show.

Next week: Croatia, a place I guarantee none of these people knew existed before Emily said “We’re going to Croatia!”



  • Rob

    Nice recall about what Ben said. Emily could have been just as pissy if they all came to her and called out Kalon. The end result probably would have been the same though. I know everything is staged to an extent, but when Emily told Kalon to, “…get the fuck out.”, it seemed too staged for me.

  • Romesick

    Jef With One F *always* looks misspelled. I don’t think I could marry the guy, just based on that.

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