This week's Toddlers & Tiaras was all about camaraderie and being polite. The featured contestants sat and watched their competition and even cheered for each other.
In other words, who hijacked this show!? Where's the fighting, the bickering, the booger eating, the stripper moms, the stripper kids? We want the train wreck! Oh well, a kid obsessed with killing bugs and teenage pop stars will have to do. This week we go to Indianapolis to the Wild West Showdown Pageant where the top prize is the “Ultimate Face.” It not only comes with a crown, but a puppy as well. The stakes have never been higher! *straight face*
Let's meet this week's featured contestants.
- Name: Jacy
- Rank: The Pro
- Age: 8
- Mom: Gina
- About Jacy: “She's fun, she's crazy … she's a little hot mess.” Hey, I didn't say it, the person taking her headshot photos did. I agree with the last part, though.
- Name: Daisey Mae
- Rank: The Underdog
- Age: 8
- Mom: Amanda
- About Daisey: She likes pageants because it's the only place she can get attention since she says she doesn't get any at home. She has six brothers and sisters.
Before we take off to the pageant, Daisey Mae offers us some advice. And if you never take any other advice on beauty pageants, take this advice:
“If you think your kid is ugly, you might not want to do pageants,” she said. “Because you're not going to win or anything.”
This kid is a genius. And I'm not even kidding. She's awesome. She gets my ultimate grand supreme crown right now.
It's time for the pageant and it's pretty much the most boring pageant ever. No one's fighting. No one's backstabbing. There aren't even any pageant dads to test out our closet-gaydar. But there was the whole “OMG someone is late and missing their cue!” moment. It seriously happens every week. Someone is late and they're being all dramatic like that contestant is going to get murdered or just kicked out of the pageant. Then nothing ever happens. This week it was Jacy and who cares.
Next up is Wild West Wear, the portion where everyone dresses their children like mini-prostitutes. And even that was pretty boring. Let's just skip to crowning. Surely there will be some fits thrown when the girls realize there's only one puppy to be given away.
For the awards no one cares about, Bridgett won best hair and Daisey won the Mini-Prostitute wear award. But the good news is, none of them received division crowns which means they all pulled for supreme titles. So the puppy could be going home with one of them!
Daisey wins Overall Most Beautiful and no puppy.
Bridgett wins Mini Supreme and no puppy.
Jacy wins Grand Supreme and no puppy.
Bridgett is very bummed over not winning the puppy but leaves us with some inspirational final thoughts. “I'm going to go gill bugs now,” she said.
The puppy goes to the Ultimate Face winner Alaska, who was featured in an earlier episode of the show. Sorry girls. But wait, there's more awards! My awards!
- Most Likely To Kill Justin Bieber: Bridgett
- Most Likely to Steal Alaska's New Puppy: Bridgett
- Most Likely To Actually Become Miss America: Daisey Mae (as long as she drops the Mae)
- Worst Mom Award: Daisey's Mom for ignoring her daughter at home